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Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive of am I over sensitive?

Open Discussions About Verbal Abuse.

Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive of am I over sensitive?

Postby Andromedax » Tue Aug 22, 2017 10:40 am

It's got to the stage now where I'm having to post on a forum for advice from complete strangers because I can't think or see clearly anymore! Please can someone help me...

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. We met online and instantly hit it off.

He was not my traditional type and I was not his but I believe we had something deeper than just the physical side of stuff so it worked.

He was charming and attentive at first, he was always a bit hot headed from day one but I didn't have any clue about his level of anger, or his sharp tongue.

It revealed itself slowly. I don't want this to turn into war and peace so I'm a nutshell...you know when you have an argument with someone and you both say mean things...he's that person who in an argument will always "out do" you by bringing up that one thing you shouldn't say, and using it against you. He is EVIl with his words...that is the only way I can describe it. Just absolutely evil.

Anyway we lived together for 2 and a half years where I put up with his screaming fits at me for not doing his washing amongst other things I did constantly wrong...apparently I deserved to be screamed at because I offered to do it then didn't do it because I am lazy...and in my head I think well maybe he is right? But then I look at my parents & friends relationships and none of their husbands/boyfriends scream at them or speak to them with such cruelty as my boyfriend does...

He is ALWAYS criticising me and putting me down. It was my birthday the other day and I asked him to be nice to me for just one day...he couldn't manage one single day he made me cry on my birthday.

His thing at the moment is my weight. I have put some weight on which I'm trying to lose, I'm dieting and going to the gym...but he's given me a deadline saying that if I haven't got below 9 stone by January he's going to leave me...and he shouldn't be made to feel guilty because he doesn't find me attractive.

He is allowed to find my weight gain unattractive but he never supports or encourages me. It's always criticism...nothing's ever good enough. He sits on his ass all week and criticises me for skipping the gym for one night because I'm not well?!

There's a a complete lack of intamcy in our relationship and there has been for quite some time but how does he expect me to want to be intimate with him when he's told me he doesn't find me or my body attractive?

I do everything for him, cook clean take care of him etc.

I was rolling over in period pain the other day and asked him could he get me some painkillers from the other room...he said no I should have got them before I came to bed and to stop being lazy??.?

Is it me :shock: why can't I leave this man....and if I'm that bad why doesn't he just leave me

I feel so trapped
Andromedax
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Re: Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive of am I over sensitive?

Postby Phanelope » Sat Oct 14, 2017 2:50 am

Definitely sounds like emotional abuse to me! As for why he won't leave you, I can't say for sure, but *possibly* he gets some kind of sense of satisfaction from putting you down. Why you won't leave him, again I couldn't really say. It's something only you would know I guess. I used to critisize people for not leaving abusive relationships until I was in one. People can say for money, or security or children or for the good times. Maybe they are addicted to the trauma of it all. Maybe the person has manipulated them into thinking they'll never do better. Maybe leaving is just too much work. Why do you think you can't leave?
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