I Don't Deserve the Label of 'Woman'

[immaterialgirl]

I hate being an ugly woman, it is truly horrific. It doesn't matter how well I do in my education, how well I try to have an interesting and kind personality - my face is a barrier to a normal life. I crave plastic surgery; not to look conventionally beautiful or anything, but just to turn me into a normally developed woman. I don't feel that I deserve the label of woman or girl; a new obsession is now my breasts/genitals, I never used to feel uncomfy with them but now I do. I feel so pathetic. I am 17 and struggling to keep up with school, existing is torture. Guys show me attention but only because they assume out of desperation I would be a quick lay - whilst other girls get compliments and things from guys, I just get sexual harassment. I am tempted to drop out and just work so I can afford the funds for surgery. I really don't want to do that, as I value my education, but existing as an ugly woman every day is horrific.

I honestly wish I was a man at this point, I keep fantasizing about transitioning to a man even though I am not transgender. I just feel that life would be so much easier that way. I wouldn't feel so weak or focused on my appearance.