How do you know?

I'm sure this question has been asked before but how do you know?

I mean, I'm 33 years old...a very late bloomer. I've been through substance abuse, depression, anxiety, panic attacks....and well, these days I am clean and just battle my anxiety mostly.

I've always just figured that I was gay but I love hanging out with guys. I get along better with guys, I understand and relate to guys. Or as much as I can, I guess.

I have a girlfriend and she is aware of my confusion with my gender. She totally accepts and supports me. Recently when I opened up to her about everything that I felt- this sense of relief happened, and I didn't feel as angry...

and, our sex life got a lot better because I wasn't holding back or trying to be a certain way.

I guess my question is, I mostly find myself having to mentally go there as a guy sexually in order for sex to even happen. I have packed before but at the same time, I don't do it every day.

Is it possible to maybe just imagine being a male in the bedroom? Or is this a sign of being transgender?

I mean, I'm just really confused because I feel comfortable being in boyish clothes and being the "masculine" one in the relationship...but at the same time, I'm not going to kill myself if I'm stuck in a womans body forever- its just the reality of it and sort of sucks but what can I do? I don't know. I guess I just want a clear answer. I'm 33...why the heck would this just hit me, now? Why didn't this ever come up before?

Maybe it just

hadn't

been woke up till now.

I didn't seriously entertain the idea of being trans until I was about that same age. After online self tests and reading, decided I wasn't. A bit disappointed, actually.

Yes, it's quite possible to imagine being the opposite sex in the bedroom. It's not unheard of for hetero couples to switch it up a bit.

And this doesn't have to be an either-or thing. By what I can tell from gender tests, I'm relatively gender balanced. I like the term demiguy. I don't usually feel strongly male or female. But I don't feel neither, either, and don't like the term androgynous. More like feeling both, and it varies from moment to moment.

So you can be gender queer without being trans. We live in an analog world. Ppl tend to want binary labels but those don't always quite fit.