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is my boyfriend transgender?

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is my boyfriend transgender?

Postby sara1212 » Fri Apr 01, 2016 6:54 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Just 2 months ago, he told me he's getting thoughts that he migh be lesbian transgender. In this childhood he used to masturbate thinking of the opposite sex (imagining himself as a woman sexually and even wore stockings to get the full effect). Other than sexually imagining himself as a woman he never wanted to become one. He starting questioning himself 8 years ago then eventually he got over it. I told him that maybe it's just a role play he is into...but he's saying that it might be more than that... Now, he questions himself so much that he's literally going crazy, he gets panic attack almost every 5 mins, he get sucidal thoughts, he cries loud etc. he doesnt not want to accept the fact that he's turning transgender, he does not want to become a women but he says lately when he sees another man.. he always questions himself if he wants to be inimate with him or not.... the other day he was at his friends house.. and while watching a movie.. he felt that he should make a move on him... then suddenly that thought scared him so he left his place.. I honeslty do not know what is going on with him.. im there for him but I can't do this anymore.. im fed up with his attacks and just everything. We also went to a OCD therapist which costs a lot of money but we are trying to do whatever we can. We know he had OCD in the past and this might be realated to that. However, he does not feel like OCD therapy is helping much.. he's on his 5 or 6 session and doesnt seem to be improving. He is scared to go to another therapaist because they might tell him he's transgender. We love each other very much and was planning to get married next year.. but with all this we can seem to move forward. I need to know is he transgender? lesbian transgender? can we take any medications to stop this? (anti-depressants will just supress his anxiety but wont actually help him stop his feelings). PLEASE help us!
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Re: is my boyfriend transgender?

Postby Snaga » Tue Jun 07, 2016 2:37 pm

Hey sweet pea, I see this past has gathered a little dust, hope you see this reply. How are y'all doing now a couple months down the road?

My opinion is OCD. A history of OCD plus all the usual behaviors associated with the disorder. Including the rather contradictory intrusive thought to make a move on his buddy - I thought we were a lesbian....?

Since there's a history of transsexual fantasy, sure there might be a little something else. My guess would be autogynephilia? It's controversial in some circles, iirc, but it's a sexual fantasy to be a sexy woman. I've always been autogyne myself. I think the (also somewhat controversial) cogiati MtF transgender test labeled the likes of me as a fetishistic transvestite- even though I haven't cross dressed in decades.

It looks- can't and won't say with authority- but it certainly looks as if we have at the least, a bit of a kink, and OCD is having a field day with it. OCD loves absolutes. I am gender balanced/fluid, and having OCD myself, I'm a tad disappointed I'm not trans. I've never had fears of it, though. But when someone gets an OCD fear about being trans or gay, it certainly seems as if there's usually no middle ground. No being a little gender queer, or a little bisexual, it's usually all -or nothing. And ofc it's always the end of the world when you're suffering from an OCD fear related to gender or sexuality.

Other than meds and therapy, the only thing I know of is to deliberately face off the fear and tell it it's full of crap. And deliberately not care about what you're having OCD fears of.

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: is my boyfriend transgender?

Postby Forgottenpast » Sun Feb 11, 2018 4:52 pm

I would be curious if the two of you are still together. He sounds like what they call a crossdreamer, and I think this is another word for autogynephila. I once knew a transsexual who openly admitted to being this way, but most are like your boyfriend and want no part of it.
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