transsexual in the military

I'm 27 married for 3 years. I have 1 step child of 5 and a daughter of 2. I have always known that I have been a little different and figured that maybe that was all there was to it or maybe it was because I was a virgin, I didn't really know. I have come to the realization that I am what I am, a transsexual. The problem I am facing is that this has been bothering me more and more lately and as much as I want to come out and do something about I'm afraid, afraid of how and the consequences. I know my wife loves me as much as I lover her and might be accepting but still a difficult situation. The next concern I have is being as I am military they won't accept transsexuals which sucks because I know that they would kick me out and I would have to find a new job else where and start on my retirement all over again, which is fine except that if my wife isn't accepting. I might lose her and my kids plus left with out a job thus losing my house. Also I fear the position that this would put my children in. I don't want them to have to suffer. Any advice on what I should do how how would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

If it were ME? I'd suck it up and be miserable. For the children. I wouldn't throw away a good wife, my relationship with my children, and a career. But that's just me- I have a high sense of obligation.

You say you've always felt different... have you always felt from earliest memory, that you should have been a girl? Did the idea come along later? Are you wanting to make a complete physical transformation?

I ask, not because I'm trying to talk you out of it or anything, but I know in my own life I've gone thru times that I thought I'm trans, I'm not, I'm trans, I'm not.... for me it was the combination of screening tests (such as the COGIATI, S.A.G.E.) and sitting back and thinking it through that convinced me I wasn't trans, no matter how much (at one time) I wanted to be trans. I've settled on considering myself gender balanced, to an extent, and I'm okay with that. I'm just curious as to how long you've thought this way, how you came to the conclusion, etc., such as therapy, screenings, etc.

Just don't want to see anyone make a rash decision, y'know? Being trans is a huge thing.

snaga2.0 wrote:If it were ME? I'd suck it up and be miserable. For the children. I wouldn't throw away a good wife, my relationship with my children, and a career. But that's just me- I have a high sense of obligation.

You say you've always felt different... have you always felt from earliest memory, that you should have been a girl? Did the idea come along later? Are you wanting to make a complete physical transformation?

I ask, not because I'm trying to talk you out of it or anything, but I know in my own life I've gone thru times that I thought I'm trans, I'm not, I'm trans, I'm not.... for me it was the combination of screening tests (such as the COGIATI, S.A.G.E.) and sitting back and thinking it through that convinced me I wasn't trans, no matter how much (at one time) I wanted to be trans. I've settled on considering myself gender balanced, to an extent, and I'm okay with that. I'm just curious as to how long you've thought this way, how you came to the conclusion, etc., such as therapy, screenings, etc.

Just don't want to see anyone make a rash decision, y'know? Being trans is a huge thing.

Completely disagree, you need to be true to yourself and who you are. Try and work on a back-up plan and then proceed.

snaga2.0 wrote:If it were ME? I'd suck it up and be miserable. For the children. I wouldn't throw away a good wife, my relationship with my children, and a career. But that's just me- I have a high sense of obligation.

I think a lot of them do just that. The weird thing is many times they are just as miserable after transition, so if that might be the case it probably is better to stay where you are at. At least for the time being.

I mentioned this on another forum, and I've never heard anyone else say this happens today or if anyone does this now, but some years ago a transsexual friend who was 6'3" and transitioned, she was issued a letter by her psychologist that she would carry around with her stating why she was dressed that way in case she was stopped by the police for any reason, or TSA while travelling. No doubt it was useful especially while using the public women's restrooms because she could have been arrested for that, like they would do with any male they caught in the ladies room. She denied she ever had any problems and only had to show her letter once and that was on a flight. I would think the most risky would be using the women's restroom because I bet they could have taken her in for questioning with the letter or without it.

I think that it yet another reason so few male-to-females transition. I've only known a small handful that have.

So few being a relative term? Seems a fair amount of girls with a little something extra on cam chat sites....

Which, were I as trans as I once wondered about being, is as far as I'd go. I know the porn industry term 'shemale' is generally frowned upon, but that idea has always appealed to me, as while I'm not effeminate to look at right off, inside I feel rather androgynous. Most serious online gender tests label me as balanced, if not slightly female. The idea of having a combination of sexual characteristics is very appealing to me.

No, with respect to previous poster, I stand by my rather harsh statement. I'd normally be very supportive here, I have a soft spot for anyone who genuinely feels transsexual, until the words Wife and especially Children got used. That changes the equation. Were I trans is be all for being myself- had I no obligations to others. That changes the game. Children don't deserve such upheaval. I also take marriage vows seriously. Wife did sign up for better or worse, but you think you know what you're getting, too. I don't say that to be mean. That's what I'd tell myself if I were in the op's shoes. That's how I'm wired. Children override self. Parents have to do that all the time.

Yes, and sadly, many times their children won't have much to do with them any longer after transition, or like Renee Richards and her son, they have a rocky love-hate relationship.

Personally, if any of my therapists had suggested I carry around a letter I think that would have been a deal breaker for me and I would have stayed as a male. Thankfully I've never had any 'run ins,' though. Someone that I know mentioned to me that the police have 'one garment' searches that states that you must be wearing one item of clothing of your assigned gender according to your ID or you can be fined or worse. This probably varies where one lives.

Interesting. One garment search. That... that has to be rough. At one time, I thought I might be trans. I know I'm not.... I don't consider myself gender normative, but not trans. That would be a hard row to hoe, even though at one time part of me wished I'd been trans.

Snaga wrote:So few being a relative term? Seems a fair amount of girls with a little something extra on cam chat sites....

Which, were I as trans as I once wondered about being, is as far as I'd go. I know the porn industry term 'shemale' is generally frowned upon, but that idea has always appealed to me, as while I'm not effeminate to look at right off, inside I feel rather androgynous. Most serious online gender tests label me as balanced, if not slightly female. The idea of having a combination of sexual characteristics is very appealing to me.

No, with respect to previous poster, I stand by my rather harsh statement. I'd normally be very supportive here, I have a soft spot for anyone who genuinely feels transsexual, until the words Wife and especially Children got used. That changes the equation. Were I trans is be all for being myself- had I no obligations to others. That changes the game. Children don't deserve such upheaval. I also take marriage vows seriously. Wife did sign up for better or worse, but you think you know what you're getting, too. I don't say that to be mean. That's what I'd tell myself if I were in the op's shoes. That's how I'm wired. Children override self. Parents have to do that all the time.

not trying to impinge,but this is why i caution against black and white thinking,while thats fine for black and white situations,it aint really for complicated ones.

see,this is some of the same lines used against gay marriage,children,marriage,and so on.though this particular one is well into the game (thats just how i term it)

the thing that been proven to be most important for children's well being (need i mention scientifically backed) is a loving home

sure children ovveride self,but to say that in relation to this situation is considerably simplistic,a loving home is a loving home no matter if the parents are of different colors,genders,religions,political beleifs,sexual orientations,and so on

see,black & white thinking is an absolutism,the definition of an absolutism is,a binary statement which cannot exist if something contrary exists that is true

if you say a normal gendered pair of parents is better than a transgendered one + a binary gendered one,etc,simply because of stability,thus taking up the mantle of opposite sex parents,you must also embrace the bad that comes with

things like child abuse,broken homes,domestic violence,have happened by majority is "opposite sex parent homes" by simple virtue of majority

this is why i always feel it safer to take a neutral position,humans,no matter there bent,are just as evil or good as anyone else with a seperate bent

(in advice to the op,this is technically a medical condition,so you could get a medical discharge and still receive an income as it were from the military,since this condition wouldve cropped up during you service if i understand your post right)