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Cis-gay man dating a gay FTM...intimacy advice?

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Cis-gay man dating a gay FTM...intimacy advice?

Postby revolutionex » Sun Jun 14, 2015 9:36 am

Hello =) I'm new to this particular forum, as well as to dating a trans person. I just feel I need some advice on intimacy. The thing is, I'm plenty attracted to him, but at the same time I feel bad in a way because up until now, a major focus of sexual attraction to guys for me has revolved around the penis, and I just worry about intimacy since he is completely pre-op and is not on T :oops: I want to be able to be intimate, and he says he would be fine with me exploring everything but his chest. I love him completely for who he is, I just worry if I might have trouble getting turned on when it comes to sex because unlike other gay men I've dated, his body isn't the first thing that attracted me to him. I'd feel pretty bad if I wasn't, because I love him so much, and while I think that should be enough, what if it isn't? :cry: Like if I can't get turned on right away, I'm afraid he'd get upset and feel it was his fault.

I'm extremely sensitive to his wants and needs and would never want to embarrass or hurt him in any way. I just want to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be, while giving him the reassurance and confidence in his masculinity that he needs.

Are there any gay FTMs out there, or cis-gay men who have dated an FTM transman and might be able to give me some advice? I have to admit this has been difficult to wrap my head around because this is my first time dating an FTM trans person and I'm just really new to all this. I'd really appreciate it, thanks.
If you love a flower, don't pick it up. Because if you pick it up, it dies, and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be. Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation. - Osho
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Re: Cis-gay man dating a gay FTM...intimacy advice?

Postby Seangel » Sun Jun 14, 2015 5:22 pm

Hi Revolutionex,

revolutionex wrote:I love him completely for who he is, I just worry if I might have trouble getting turned on when it comes to sex because unlike other gay men I've dated, his body isn't the first thing that attracted me to him. I'd feel pretty bad if I wasn't, because I love him so much, and while I think that should be enough, what if it isn't? :cry: Like if I can't get turned on right away, I'm afraid he'd get upset and feel it was his fault.

(...)

Are there any gay FTMs out there, or cis-gay men who have dated an FTM transman and might be able to give me some advice?


I am a person who has identified as a cis straight female. I've advocated for LGBT rights for some years now. Before even stumbling upon any LGBT topics, I'd had the idea that I can love a person, the being, the soul, not necessarily their bodies or their labels.

Currently I am in love with a male who lives in a female body, who has no intention of changing his body, and who is recognized as a female.

I do have the same concerns as you have. I am plenty attracted to him, I know about my ideas of being in love with a person, not their looks; however, I also fear not being comfortable having sex with him. If that were to be the case I would feel so disappointed at myself.

One thing that comes to mind, and that is what I did with him, was to be open about it. I told him.

So, would that be an option for you? Would you, and him, be cool about talking about it. I find it that when we talk about issues that concern us, they loose the power of scaring us. By talking about it, it becomes a manageable topic.

So, what if you tell him, you have those fears, but that you also love him, and want to have this discovering together. This is a journey for both of you. And it is a possibility that you will not be turned on right away. Having this "pressure" on yourself, will make it even harder. So, if you already know that it's a possibility, you can both be prepared.

How about also, if you take sex slower. Maybe explore one another at a different pace, that would allow both of you to feel comfortable in the scene. You with his body, him in his body, and him being explored.

What is masculinity? Is a penis undoubtedly masculine? Where does the masculinity in him, the masculinity you are attracted to, come from?

These are no easy questions, they question you and question him. If you already know things might be awkward you can have the experience knowing that awkwardness is a possibility, and knowing that you will both try it again. That you both want one another, and maybe even in for a nice surprise if things turn not to be awkward or you get to be turned on right away.

I'm the same place you are, and I'm looking forward to any experience with my man, the man I'm in love with.

Sea
Taking myself some time away from PF. Sea (Dec, 2016)
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Re: Cis-gay man dating a gay FTM...intimacy advice?

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 05, 2015 8:21 pm

Definitely doesn't have to be rushed into. When it comes naturally, it'll come.
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