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Wilderness Therapy?

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Wilderness Therapy?

Postby JustTony » Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:40 am

I am not officially against psychiatry YET...key word yet, becaus I dont know all the facts and I am posting even this on pure suspicion and fear. Fear that I have been messed with beyond repair.

I was a troubled youth, i can admit that. My folks split up when I was young. I was raised by a single-mother who had alot of issues and was always bringing different ppl in the house for personal reasons. We also were not that well off financially, but my mom later got a govt. job and that changed 4 the better a little bit.

She also went from secular to devout christian in a matter of months and next thing I know my butt is stuck in christian camps and church schools learning how evil I was and how imperfect I am. I was also taught a bunch of #######4 morals that had nothing at all to do with Christianity, which ###$ me up alot honestly cause it was soo confusing.

Anyways I got kicked out of alot of schools because i couldnt tolerate verbal persecution and other injustices brought upon me so I chose to fight people. And one thing my hockey playing taught me, I was a great fighter and to this day have lost few, and have fought MANY. I also joined in with a "sub-culture" as my parents and teachers refferred to it, and began partying and drinking yadda yadda, honestly it was all typical teenage behavior blown out of proportion by a confused Christian parent with an even stricter Christian husband, who became known as my sted-father, who I suspect truly cares little about me and my siblings. And because the wilderness program I was basically kidnapped and taken to against my will was run by former military personnel, and he is a retired lt. colonel, I suspect it was his idea, not my REAL parent's.

Anyways I was out in the Utah dessert at a wilderness camp called 2nd Nature, based in Duchesne, for 4 months and did a month in "after-care" but I got kicked out. I was supposed to do 9 months but I said "###$ that" and caused a little arguement and got expelled. But while I was out there, we were over 50 miles away from ANY civilization and miles from any road. We had nothing except hiking and camping gear and ate dehydrated $#%^ the whole time except for a few special occasions, that werent too special if u ask me. They evaluated our every move, we were forced to write daily journal entrys and do psychological excercises and group therapy. We had NOTHING from the modern world, and were not kept up to date on anything, not news, not date, not even time of day.

Now that Im back, I am SOOO different. I used to have friends and do ALOT of sports and activities. I could get along fairly well with others and loved to be "nice" to other ppl. NOW, my life sucks! It already sucked but now it is living hell. I obsess about the smallest $#%^. I cant even hold a decent conversation with my own family, let alone one of my old friends. I feel brainwashed, I feel they told me a great big lie that I cant even re-call. All I know is now the world is crashing down on me, and it wasnt before I went. I have even heard ppl from my group tell me they put $#%^ in the water we drank out there, which they forced us to drink nearly a Gallon per day to "avoid dehydration." I was not depressed b4 I went out there, now I am, and was prescribed Lexapro which I took for about a month, hated it, and quit cold turkey. $#%^ is worse than it has ever been tho. Everything I say offends ppl, Im arrogant, Im provocative. I feel like $#%^, my family and friends hate me, and I feel crazy... Why all this $#%^ happen after 2nd Nature. How could my own parents do this $#%^ to me? Am I really such a failure? Did I really deserve to be put through this living hell? everyday is torture, what do I do? And can I reasonably place any blame on 2nd Nature, or is that just looking for an excuse? I dont even know anywore!!!!
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Postby walterstockheim » Wed Apr 09, 2008 8:16 pm

I agree with you that most programs like that are ultimately harmful if they are forced on somebody. Wilderness experiences have always been an important part of initiating rebellious youth into a better adulthood, but forcing it on kids is like making them eat bandaids when they get a cut.

Blaming stuff on them is probably a waste. It might feel better to blame them, but it doesn't help you and it probably won't affect them.

You sound like the typical american ###$ up teenager. Messed up family, no real guidance etc. Since your family is not helpful to you, you need to look for some sort of path on your own. It's too bad that the first dose of wilderness you got was poisonous, because wilderness is usually the best place to start a path.
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Postby JustTony » Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:07 pm

Yea thats what ive heard, that nature is the best place to basically be "reborn". LOL if Im going to get reborn my circumstances need to get Reborn as well, cause I get reborn and come back to the same $#%^ and the world crashes down on me harder every time. My mom is emotionless these days, just doesnt care about me, I can see it in her eyes and the vibe I get from her is that she just wants to forget she ever gave birth to me. It really enrages me but I have no choice but to hold it in cause when I get mad she tries to get me arrested or provoke me to the point of violence so my stepfather can step in and get some shots on me. And my real dad, who I have had little contact with, just calls and bitches at me from miles away. Never "Hi son how are you doing how can I be your real Dad today" more like "wtf is up with you your ######6 crazy and your never going to be $#%^!" he really says $#%^ like that to me and about me to his friends and co-workers.

I feel like the only way to remedy this problem is kill myself or run away and maybe get into a homeless shelter. That would make my life #######5 in essence, but somehow it seems like it would be better than being here in a broken home. It hurts me so bad that I know I truly love my family but cant show it, and instead of any love getting spread through the family its all blame and hurt passed mostly all on to me, since Im the easiest target. My mom is such a devious liar she has threatened to do some crazy things to me to hurt me. She even once said "If God came to her in a dream and told her to slaughter me she would do it." WTF??? She also recently bought a gun and barged into my room and pointed it at me which scared the $#%^ out of me cause of what she had been saying lately. then she starts laughing an said it was a joke...haha real ######6 funny mom. thanx for always making me feel good and loving and caring for me unconditionally...

yea right
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Postby Philo » Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:43 pm

How old are you and how soon can you get out of home? That's what you really need, you know. Try to keep sane, we're here for you.
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Postby sonovlaurin » Thu Apr 10, 2008 12:17 am

Killing yourself will ruin all the fun you can have in the future.

In psychiatric circles they call people who point guns at their kids 'dangerous assholes'.

Sounds like you're healthier than the folks.
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Postby walterstockheim » Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:47 pm

Your age is an important factor. If you are over 18 then still being there is your own fault. If you are under 18 then you probably just have to suffer until you are old enough to get your own place and so on.

There really isn't any obvious sign of any emotional problem in you, from what you have written so far. You just sound like somebody that needs there adequate amount of personal space, and you are trapped (or are voluntarily staying, if you are an adult) in a place where you don't have the bare minimum amount of personal space.

When people do not get their minimum requirement of personal space at home then they find substitutes that suit them. Camping, music, drugs, crime, sports, spirituality, etc, you have to find what suits you. Some will take you to a better life, some to a worse life.
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