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Cried but feel like I did something wrong

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Cried but feel like I did something wrong

Postby oceanruby3 » Mon Feb 18, 2019 10:54 pm

I go to two different therapists, one regular therapist that I have been with four 4 years and one to help me with lifestyle choices (alcohol, nicotine, healthy diet) that I have seen for a year. I have rarely cried in front of my regular therapist (just when really tired or sick), but a couple of weeks ago I broke down in front of the lifestyle therapist. I have never cried like I did there, I just cried and cried and cried (my mother is dying from sickness). The lifestyle therapist was very supportive, yet the next time I saw her she was very different. Told me that instead of talking to people about my feelings I can try to write them down in a journal. So I felt immediately like I did something wrong in breaking down like I had the time before.

She is not a psychologist and my time with her is almost over, so my crying work should probably be done at the regular therapist. But I have never cried there like I did with the lifestyle therapist.And it felt so good to cry.

My response has been to postpone appointments and it completely ruined any lifestyle progress I might have made. I had a big setback afterwards. Did I do something wrong? I am not a person that cries, so it completely took me by surprise. But since it felt so good to cry there I wish it could happen again. But now I am so upset by her wanting me to write down my feelings instead of talking about them that I don't want to go back.

But she knows that I am a person that does not easily express emotions. So shouldn't she welcome it. Crying doesn't happen at the regular psychologist and she knows that. I am just so confused. Did I do wrong in braking down and crying?
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Re: Cried but feel like I did something wrong

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:14 am

Hi oceanruby3,

My therapist says that everyone "walking the planet" has needs, and that there is no such thing as "too needy." If someone sees you as too needy (like that lifestyle therapist seems to think right now), then they are the wrong person for you. Of course there is nothing wrong with crying in front of a trusted professional when you're dealing with something upsetting.

What might be the most helpful is bringing this up with your regular therapist (are they an expert in DID?), and looking into why you don't feel comfortable crying in front of them. Could it be that because you knew you wouldn't be working with the lifestyle therapist much longer that that made it safer to cry in front of her?

I hope you're able to figure this out, since you said it felt so good cry, so it sounds like something you want to be able to do. :)
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Re: Cried but feel like I did something wrong

Postby oceanruby3 » Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:52 pm

Thanks for the reply theGangsAllHere. I did tell the regular therapist about the crying, but she just listened to me and didn't comment on it. She did look rather shocked, but I don't know if I misinterpreted her look. I really don't know what her experience with DID is because it's a subject we never talk about. I know she had several meetings with a DID expert right after I started with her, but like I said we don't talk about it explicitly. It's in the air and we talk around it kinda. I tend to avoid things. DID is one of those things. But I do feel like she understands me very well.

But I'll bring up the subject of crying next time I see her. I just don't know if I want her to see me so vulnerable.
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