Hi,
I'm not sure if I'm doing this forum thing right, I just joined and I'm looking for help.. Sorry for the long description.
I got out of a mental hospital a few weeks ago. I was there for depression, anxiety and a suicide attempt. Mostly I'm a happy person, but I'll go crazy and get REALLY depressed and suicidal, I would run away and become violent. When I go transferred to a lower security hospital I ran away when I had an episode. I still have no diagnosis, other than major depression, an anxiety disorder and possible high functioning autism... My therapist is still trying to figure out what's going on. Anyway, I think I've been having hallucinations, but not really obvious ones. I had never had any before, but about a week after I got out of the asylum, I started constantly seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, just blurry movements, straight in front of me or on the edge of my peripheral vision. Then I thought I saw someone in military dress standing next to me, but when I looked he was gone. Then the hallucinations stopped for the most part, but then one night I saw this little green-blue light out of my window at night, it was moving around and came up to my window, I thought maybe it was a firefly but apparently they're not common in my area and they have a blinking pattern, and this was constant. It scared me a lot and I could barely sleep. Nothing for a few days until I heard a voice, I couldn't make out what she was saying(it was female), it was right in my ear, but I turned around and I was alone. Then I had this weird detached feeling, everything felt really strange and scary. It felt like I was dreaming, and I felt like any second I could wake up and my life would have been a dream, or if I reached out to touch something my hand would pass through it, I couldn't trust my senses. All around I was very confused, but it went away for the most part for a while. But I would have things happen or interactions and I just had this feeling that I wasn't sure if they had actually happened or not. The other day I thought I saw a sheep in my front yard, and things like that have been happening to me a lot now. I'll be in a room, and I'll start seeing little blurs of black or white, peeping out behind dressers or running in front of things, just for a second. I don't feel alone, even though I am, It sounds strange but I can almost feel them in the room with me... Also my memory has been really bad, I'll forget whole interactions until someone explains that they happened, I'll completely forget if I moved an object and I won't remember how it got there when I see it. Yesterday I forgot that I had taken my meds and I think I took them twice. I take lexapro and klonopin. This might just sound like bad memory but things like that don't usually happen to me...
By the way I have perfect vision(20/10), so it's not Charles Bonnet syndrome.
Anyway, I'm just really scared and my therapist is on vacation until next week. I saw my psychiatrist a few days ago but I wasn't sure if it was important and I was to scared to tell him, although he knows a bit about the detached feeling I had I think. Can someone please give me advice on what to do in the meantime? Is this even important? Is there any possible mental illness I might have? Should I even bother telling my psychiatrist?
Thank you so much for reading! Any help is appreciated, I'm very scared and worried!