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Hello, I'm not sure if I should see a therapist.

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Hello, I'm not sure if I should see a therapist.

Postby Sonnyrouther » Wed Jun 19, 2019 12:30 pm

First, I'm not an English speaker, so there could be mistakes.

I constantly feel anxious and I can't exactly understand why. The thing is that I always know what I want and always try to accomplish it but when it comes to social anything it always scares me: no matter what but I always try to avoid any social events/situations anything; I'm afraid of acting in social and it grows up to hatred. I simply hate to enter something new about social. I've recently entered the university and moved to another country and I hated it because I can't settle something down so fast. In school the situation was pretty the same as I was always trying to avoid going there and It caused trouble, my parents were often told that I skipped too many school days but although I had excellent grades. The same went with the university: excellent grades but, as always, too many skipped hours.

I can communicate with people and perceive their emotions, I can easily talk with them but I would rarely enter the talk first. It's hard for me even to call for a taxi or just order something or even do something when I'm not alone.

And the reason why I can't understand my anxious: I'm often told charismatic and talk-ish and fun but I hate to communicate, I can be fine with my parents but even with them I can't open I always lie about my avoidance and emotions. I took a year off from university (I don't exactly know what It's called, I'm not a native speaker, but It could be an academy prohibition). I took it because I could have not to bear it anymore I was full of hatred and fear to that place. I told my parents It was because of my depression but never told about my anxiety and trying to avoid everything.

Also, I can't understand myself fully. I'm really cold-thinking and rarely feel anything, I often say I don't care because I never mind about it, I can't pity others although I perfectly understand what they can possibly feel. I never told it to anyone but when my godfather died I never felt a thing, for me he was just gone and that's all; but when I watch something sad or touchy alone I can cry, sometimes I cry even without any reason: I remember that I started crying just waiting for a bus and when listened to fun songs... but I don't feel anything when I really have to. I can see others emotions and always find something good in bad... like in some criminals, losers, bad people because there always has to be a reason of their actions and good somewhere but It still doesn't me feel careful about people. I always use cunning to friends when It's needed and always had troubles with keeping friendship peacefully but never let it end.

So, I think that's it
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