Our partner

I think therapy just might not be for me?

Counseling message board, open discussion, and online support group.

I think therapy just might not be for me?

Postby InvisibleScent » Mon Nov 13, 2017 3:27 am

Prepare yourself for a rant. :D

I've been in and out of therapy for the past four years or so. In total, I've had more than three therapists, who were all supposedly highly qualified and experienced. The problem is that that I generally leave after I get frustrated that the relationship isn't going anywhere (usually after 6 months or so). By the sixth session, I usually realize that the person I'm seeing is spouting some sort of generic nonsense or (s)he isn't even listening to me at all. I've had one that became a broken record after visit 3, so much so that he started contradicting himself. Usually the people I see are extremely eager to stereotype me, they don't actually pay attention to what I say. I've had people presume my family situation/reason for therapy in the first ten minutes just because of my race. Moreover, therapists as a species seem throw out the basic rules of human interaction as soon as they get into a session. Including single appointments, I've seen enough professionals to hit the double digits. Not a single one has understood that patients can lie or not tell the whole truth, consciously or unconsciously, especially when talking about sensitive topics.

Going to sessions often ruins my week. Before my last psychiatrist stopped taking my insurance, I used to be on meds for mild depression/anxiety. However, it didn't help with either and killed my ability to feel happiness. I'm trying to find another psychiatrist, but it's been a generally unpleasant affair. Taking meds never made it easier to function. Overall, this experience has been unnecessarily unpleasant. My family dislikes the fact that I go to psychologist and is against medication. Plus, I really don't have the extra time to waste on unproductive sessions. Under my current therapist, I've had five public breakdowns in the past two months, but he seems to think I'm doing fine. Before I started having sessions with him, I had about one every 1-2 years.

What I'm trying to say is that I think this experience might be more trouble than it's worth. If someone's had better experience, please teach me how to find a better therapist. :(
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:40 am
Local time: Sat Nov 28, 2020 11:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Re: I think therapy just might not be for me?

Postby lilyfairy » Mon Nov 13, 2017 4:39 am

Hi there

I, like you, have managed to find a lot of poorly qualified/trained "professionals"/idiots. I think I found all the dodgy ones in my area. :roll: My number is also into double digits.

For a while I just abandoned therapy altogether. For a long time I'd be pushed into it by parents, teachers (while at school), friends, and I didn't want to be there. My family were funny about me being there- sometimes they seemed ok with it, other times they openly mocked it. The same deal with me being on medication. In the end it came down to "this is my decision and my life, not yours" and I started trying to shut out their opinons on it (not easy) and keep telling myself "this is what I need to do for myself".

In the end I went back again (swore it would be the last time I tried), when I was ready and when I wanted to try it again. I asked a doctor I happened to know through my work (unrelated field) for recommendations of who was good. 7 years later I'm still going to the same person.

I would ask around- professionals you might know, recommendations from your doctor, recommendations from other people you might know who are going through stuff themselves. Also look at their qualifications- what level of training they have eg. counsellor vs. clinical psychologist (big difference in my experience). Some local directories of professionals also list their areas of interest eg. depression, eating disorders, abuse survivors which can be helpful.

If you go along to someone for a few sessions and don't feel they're quite the right fit, ask them if they can recommend someone in the area they think you might fit with better- a good therapist will be willing to do that.

Personally I've found most psychiatrists I've seen to be of little help to me, but I've also met a lot of idiots who just wanted to shove meds at me that I'd already told them I can't tolerate. I've been told there are good ones out there, I just have limited access to them because I don't live in a city area. My regular doctor manages my medication.

But with therapy, I don't think it's more trouble than it's worth (I did spend a lot of time thinking that in the past) but I do think the biggest thing is finding the right person to work with. Don't give up completely.
First rule of mental health: Learn to distinguish who deserves an explanation, who deserves only one answer, and who deserves absolutely nothing.

Forum Rules

Whatever you're doing today, do it with the confidence of a four-year-old in a Batman t-shirt.
Site Admin
Posts: 12037
Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:34 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 3:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think therapy just might not be for me?

Postby meherenow » Sat Aug 10, 2019 5:55 pm

I feel the same way. I am naturally cranky and I always find the flaws in these therapists that allow me to justify my negativity.

Its like I HAVE to keep this caution/tendency to get bummed

or I will lose my SELF.

Meanwhile I have the same problems I have always had, ie: not having a place in the world or house where I live and KNOWING if I wanna change my situation by moving and starting "over" I will fail.

No therapist could ever get NEAR that.

I do not belong in this world. I should not be here.

Why go to a therapist to get them to change my mind when there is no change to be had?

So I frantically searched for another therapist last year and this and after getting hurt by another 20 or so I got the one I saw once and quit.

I'm really getting better at this.

But I'm not glad I do it.

I just have no life and so I don't find meaning in anything, so I don't care.

In fact I'm in a good place with this one-session therapist. She thinks I left to take a job.

Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2019 5:36 pm
Local time: Sat Nov 28, 2020 10:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think therapy just might not be for me?

Postby triste » Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:52 pm

Well, in the back woods area where I live, you can't even see a psychiatrist! I don't know if it's some sort of hospital insurance thing or what but I was told, the psychiatrists only manage your prescription drugs or some such b.s. SO, we are stuck with incompetent social workers or wanna be counselors and I for one am giving up. We don't even have a support group. It's been years and about 6 different "therapists" . They all suck. What is it with getting so friendly and personal? And they don't know squat. The answer to them is take medication, make friends, join a group , get a hobby, get a sad lamp . I know more than they do , I am completely frustrated. I've live with depression and anxiety my entire long life and I just know I will never get the help I want or need. Everything is crap these days. Everything you buy, including mental health help.
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:37 pm
Local time: Sat Nov 28, 2020 11:17 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think therapy just might not be for me?

Postby Wally58 » Sat Nov 23, 2019 5:59 pm

I think that the most helpful therapy for me was finding someone who battled the same demons as me. It would be a little bit like meeting yourself.
This therapist who could relate to crushing depression, childhood issues, chemical dependency, suicidal thoughts and anxiety/panic disorders was one I could open up to and listen to the echo of a soul who had confronted and managed those same demons like myself.
I learned how to face my demons in baby steps and make peace with my past, my faults and what I had to do to move forward.
At first, the doctors were reluctant to put me on meds as I had a chemical dependency history. No pill is a magic cure. They take awhile to build up in the body and awhile to leave the body. Taking a handful of pills wouldn't help during a crisis. It would also ruin the trust between the doctor and myself. I did not want to relapse as I found out how hard it was to claw my way back from the brink from my last relapse. The same mild medications that helped the depression also helped the anxiety. Self-medicating with alcohol was no longer an option for me and I could not recover by myself.
12-step groups were useful to my recovery. Being in a roomful of people, there was always someone that knew what I was feeling and could share what they had done to get past the pain.
12-step groups are basically free and are held daily. I was told to attend 90 meetings in 90 days to start out with. I involved myself with greeting, coffee-making and putting out the literature before the meeting. Those responsibilities kept me coming back and I got to meet people from all walks of life.
The old-timers said that the newcomers were the most important people in the room because they had begun as newcomers themselves. It reminded them of where they came from.
The old-timers were the most important people in the room as they had the wisdom and long-term sobriety that saved their lives, made life worth living and were willing to share it with us.
Best of luck to you. :D
We do NOT delete posts

Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
User avatar
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
Posts: 1295
Joined: Fri Jun 07, 2013 10:47 am
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 12:17 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I think therapy just might not be for me?

Postby SuperGoose » Sun Sep 20, 2020 1:49 pm

You've only seen three, it's hard to find a good fit.

If you live in a city what I would do is try out every single therapist who gives the first session free and see if you click with any... but if you live somewhere smaller you might be stuck paying for a lot of sessions before you find the right person. It's definitely worth looking, and *controversy coming up* i'd ignore qualifications if I were you, no correlation between extra years of study and successful treatment outcomes in therapy. Make sure the person is qualified (accredited at least a level 4 if you are in the UK, anyone licensed if you are in the US) but beyond that what matters is the person, not the degrees.

I'd actually be very surprised if a therapist couldn't relate to your issues, the thing is that they are told in training never to let the client know about their own struggles so as not to make it all about them. But for some clients that just creates an insurmountable wall and so some therapists will bravely ignore their training and talk about their own stuff when they think that client might benefit from it
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Sep 20, 2020 12:17 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 4:17 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Return to Counseling

  • Related articles
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests