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"I don't think you want to change"

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"I don't think you want to change"

Postby charlene25 » Sat Sep 02, 2017 3:05 am

My therapist said that today. Twice, actually. What I'm hearing when she says that is, you're wasting my/our time, I don't think there's any point in you being here. Which is odd because, just two weeks ago I missed two sessions in a row, and she warned me that I may be trying to disengage from the process and that I should keep at it.

I admit I'm afraid of change. I believe I've admitted it to her. In a way I want to improve my social life and get friends, but I have a lot of social anxiety. In a way I want a relationship, but I'm afraid to get into one for many reasons. I've admitted my ambivalence and my annoyance at it, and how it's keeping me stuck. I'd like to get unstuck. I feel like I'm taking baby steps to do so -- I've initiated outings with co-workers. I'm on a dating site. She suggested I need to find fulfillment in my life and I looked into going back to school. I've only been seeing her for maybe 3 months. I feel like she's expecting too much too soon. If I knew what I wanted, I'd be doing it. I feel like she thinks that, when she gives a suggestion, I should do it right away, and then have this a-ha moment and life is better.

She's otherwise been a good therapist and I feel like we connect well overall. This comment is really throwing me though. :(
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Re: "I don't think you want to change"

Postby IntellectualCat » Sat Sep 02, 2017 3:53 am

While I think she could have been more tactful, she has a point. Often, even when you are motivated to change, some part of you wants to resist. I dealt with that. My therapist taught me ways to deal with anxiety, but at some point I resisted because A. I was used to anxiety, B. because I attempted to get rid of all anxiety, and C. I have ADHD and felt understimulated without it. However, I realized that some anxiety is healthy and started seeking intellectual stimulation again, so that was taken care of.

I don't think she is saying it as a judgment at all. It seems to me that she is just making an observation. Though being someone who dealt with social anxiety, I understand that assumption. I often have thought that some completely innocuous things people said or did was a sign that they hated me or didn't accept me.

Additionally, you don't need a major life change to find fulfillment in life. It can be something as simple as starting a hobby, for example. For me, I find that drawing and reading about subjects that interest me can be fulfilling in itself.
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Re: "I don't think you want to change"

Postby Wally58 » Sat Sep 02, 2017 2:13 pm

It can be frustrating. Sometimes things don't move fast enough for the patient and sometimes things don't move fast enough for the doctor.
Scheduling loads can be hectic and overwhelming. Many programs are under-staffed from cutbacks.
Missed appointments are still charged to the patient in many places now and can be viewed as patient apathy.
Maybe a discussion about 'reasonable expectations' in therapy should take place between both of you? Some doctors have unrealistic expectations for 'change' to occur.
I was asked to move from my parents house and to shave off my sideburns in order for my rehab to continue. I complied with the sideburns, but could not afford rental elsewhere. I was unemployed and not on or eligible for public assistance at the time.
Some of the other group members did stick up for me and thought that the therapist's demands were out of line.
This was in group therapy as it was cheaper than one-on-one therapy which was beyond my scope of affordability. I was discharged anyway as they said that I already knew what I had to do in order to recover and basically was too therapy-smart to stay in the program.
I did get better, not because of that experience, but I will always remember it and the therapist. Remember that 12-step programs are free, anonymous and non-judgmental if you need to fall back on something else.
Best of luck to you. :D
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