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Should I seek a new therapist?

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Should I seek a new therapist?

Postby ShyGuyUT » Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:42 pm

Hey I am really troubled and wanted to get some opinions on this.

I started seeing a therapist about 2 years ago. She most likely saved my life at its worst point. At the time, I only needed basic help. But now, I'm really exploding onto the world. Where I was mostly a useless lump before, I study and have ambitions in everything. This is where the problem occurs.

She doesn't understand me half of the time. Each session, I spend up to a good 20 minutes trying to explain where I'm coming from. She usually gets it, but is obviously stymied by it. Clearly nobody's brought these things up before. Half of her time is spent counseling children on how to be polite and follow the rules. So when I discuss my ages old problem of being a doormat, it blows her mind that I do not want to be nice and pander to people. When I told her I'm okay with being rude, perhaps on purpose, she literally did not understand what I meant. I had to walk her through it.

I can't imagine there's any therapist you can 100% it with, so maybe this is actually sort of normal. I don't know. I feel like I am being spoiled and committing betrayal for thinking about seeing a different therapist. Especially since she provided such important help at first.

Frankly, the worst thing is, I came back from a 2 week vacation a much stronger person. I wanted to share the good news, but the old problems came back up, and I left therapy feeling lesser about myself. I lost progress. I'm feeling very fragile all of the sudden.

So, any comments or thoughts are greatly appreciated.
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Re: Should I seek a new therapist?

Postby Starship » Tue Nov 29, 2016 9:34 am

It's great that you've made progress with this therapist, particularly since you'd been feeling so useless before. The fact that you don't seem to be connecting with her as much now could mean that you've outgrown her or that she was better qualified to help you with the issues you faced at the start? Some therapists are better suited to deal with more general problems and the confusion she's feeling could stem from that. Is she a counsellor or a psychologist?

I used to be a bit of a people pleaser - always nice, very forgiving... Sometimes these traits attract the wrong people and eventually you are going to snap! I went through a stage of being disagreeable, mistaking it for being assertive; I'd be very abrupt, never smiled and closed myself off to everyone. I wanted to hit out at people before they did it to me. It just made me feel a bit more in control, however, behaving that way with everyone, especially those I care about, ultimately made me feel worse. I agree with you not wanting to pander to people and sometimes you've got to be firm, but I think you need to look at the reasons why you want to be rude to others - have they been rude first? If not, why do you think you do that? Are your reasons similar to mine?

Therapists are usually very conformist, any kind of belligerent or eccentric behaviour will be challenged. Obviously, that can be a good thing because those qualities can hinder someone's chances of success in life. Some therapists simply want you to 'fit in' because society finds it easier to deal with compliant people.

You said she counsels children; the methods she uses to interact with them should be different to the way she engages with an adult, and she shouldn't expect the same responses from you. You could discuss that with her if you haven't already, and tell her you've been thinking about seeing someone else. It's not a betrayal, but I can understand why you would think this way because you've been seeing her for so long. Maybe test the water the next time you see her?
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Re: Should I seek a new therapist?

Postby ShyGuyUT » Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:30 am

I didn't realize it's been so long since I posted. So here's more to that story.

I'm still going with my current therapist. It's been working okay. I have been considering seeing a therapist once, off to the side, to see if they are not as worried and confused.

But really, I am trusting myself a lot more, and so I'm not quite so dependent on therapy. It's more like it's good for a push, or drawing out things I haven't been able to observe.

I think I'm zeroing in on where I want to be with people. I have to admit to myself, I am very misanthropic. So now I'm just brushing people off, or not being especially pleasant, instead of being hostile. It seems a lot more accurate to who I am.

Thanks for the communication.
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Re: Should I seek a new therapist?

Postby Introspectah » Sun Feb 12, 2017 1:49 pm

Half of her time is spent counseling children on how to be polite and follow the rules.


Well suffice to summarize her capabilities in this field, right?
Doesn't this tell you all you need to know already?

Seek out someone that is capable of relating to you on a like-minded level, and who is not intending to speak down upon you from a position of bethroned, perceived superior authority.

Refer to the second quote in my signature.

When I told her I'm okay with being rude, perhaps on purpose, she literally did not understand what I meant. I had to walk her through it.


Roles being reversed...a ''therapist'' that is not capable of understanding her clients nor is she willing to endeavour to apprehend your struggle, so you have to take over the steering wheel and actually educate her on the psychological aspects she's oblivious to.

I can't imagine there's any therapist you can 100% it with, so maybe this is actually sort of normal.


This is not how it's supposed to be.
Functional therapists aren't meant to be this ignorant.


I feel like I am being spoiled and committing betrayal for thinking about seeing a different therapist.


Interesting.
Why's that?

Especially since she provided such important help at first.


She might have, in which case there'd be no need to invalidate that, yet if she can't be of service to you any more it's time to move on.
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