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Just wondering if this is bad.

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Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Dexace35 » Tue Mar 16, 2021 6:36 am

I started drinking every night when I was 20 in 2012.
I drank 4 or 5 or 6 drinks every night, still functioned just fine.
At some point around 2014, I started drinking up to 10 shots of tequila every night and was still okay.
Around 2015 I'd occasionally wake up in the middle of the night on days off and drink an additional 6 shots or so, enjoy my drunkenness, do chores and such, sleep and wake up in time to have my normal 10 shots.
Then in 2019 I started drinking day and night. On my days off I usually have 8 shots at night and I start drinking after I brush my teeth the next morning. Vodka is always the first thing to hit my stomach in the morning and I usually have 3 or 4 shots before I eat or drink anything. So on my days off I drink anywhere between 13 shots on a good day and 19 shots on a bad day. On work days, I limit myself to 2 shots before work, one big beer over lunch, and 5 shots after work, so on a work day I have 9 drinks.
So to sum it up, I have 9 drinks 3 days a week and between 13 and 18 drinks the other 4 days. So in total, I'm drinking up to 99 drinks per week and really no less than 79 on a good week.
I just had 9 earlier today, had another 9 tonight. I will probably feel pretty bad when I wake up in the morning, I always do when I have 18, but I usually feel pretty okay when I limit myself to 13.
I just remember how good I felt waking up from having 10 drinks and then going all day without another until the next 10 the next night... Now I try my best to limit myself to 8 to start the day and 5 at night. I usually feel pretty good with 13. When I work and I have 9 I can function, but i also feel like I'm borderline detoxing on those days, so I also feel like drinking more at that point. I really can't wait to get home and have my 5 shots on my work days But I can't drink more than 9 on work days or I will be too hung over to go in.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Snaga » Wed Mar 17, 2021 12:10 am

I think, that if you have to ask if it's bad...

That's an awful lot of alcohol. Don't get me wrong- I like to drink. But that's an awful lot.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Dexace35 » Wed Mar 17, 2021 1:49 am

Yeah, I know it's bad, thanks for the reply. I was just wondering where I fall on the spectrum. I was very drunk last night, but I actually woke up feeling not horrible today. It must have had to do with eating that kept me from being a vegetable all day. Consequently from feeling okay, I also had another 9 shots and then took a 2 hour nap. Now I feel okay enough that I will go to the grocery store, and then obviously I will drink more. But tonight I will try to keep it down to 7 shots tops.

If I had to set a realistic goal for myself, it would be on my days off have 8 shots to start the day and 5 shots at night on my days off. On work days, 4 shots during the day and 5 shots at night. I feel like if I could just get down to that level which is 79 drinks per week, I'd be doing a lot better. It's on my days off that I drink more than 13 that I get myself into trouble and I can barely function. Like I feel lucky I even feel good enough to go to the grocery store tonight since I had 18 yesterday and another 9 today. But I kinda have to go cause I need more alcohol. Go figure :roll:

But I also will buy some brats and grill them out for dinner, so at least I will do a little something enjoyable instead of just getting blasted and not being able to do anything.

I will keep updates, it may help me slow down a bit.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Snaga » Wed Mar 17, 2021 6:34 pm

Dexace35 wrote:I was just wondering where I fall on the spectrum.


My unfiltered opinion?

I would say that you sound like what I call a functioning alcoholic- 'functioning', defined as by virtue of you are holding a steady job. Some quick searches define 'moderate' as two drinks a day for an adult male, and 'heavy' as four up. When I have alcohol in the house I tend to average around three drinks a day. I can go a long time without having any in the house, but if it's there I'll hit it two-three times a day depending on what it is. If I had an endless supply, and no one to get onto me, I'd probably be more like 4-5, at which point I'd say I had a problem with it, once I got to where I had to have it in the house.

All of that is to say you're not speaking with a prude- but I'd say I'm not sure how much more spectrum you have until that road runs out.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Dexace35 » Wed Mar 17, 2021 11:18 pm

I stuck to my goal last night of having 7 or less. My total units for yesterday were 16.71. I went to the grocery store, I cooked my brats. I tried to keep it down to 8 during the day today, but I had 9. I ran some errands today and I planted some radishes, and I ate well, so I feel like I did well today. I almost had 10 but I fought it off... Now tonight I will try to have 6 for a total of 15 today. That's 3 less than the day before last, and almost 2 less than yesterday. I'm just going to take baby steps. And will do what I can to get it down to 13 every day off and 9 on days on work. If I can do that, maybe at some point I can stop drinking during the day at least. Time for a nap for now.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Dexace35 » Thu Mar 18, 2021 4:06 am

So I didn't meet my goal for the night, but I did have less than last night. 16 on the day.
Tomorrow I will try my hardest not to have 9 during the day, and overall I will try to have only 15.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Snaga » Thu Mar 18, 2021 6:04 am

Baby steps sound good. It's a rare person that can just up and quit anything, cold turkey. I've known one or two, but it's a rare person.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Wally58 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 9:08 pm

In rehab and AA, it is never the amount of alcohol consumed that we measure alcoholism by. Everyone is different with different tolerances, different personalities and many other physical and psychological factors that affect them and their behavior while drinking.
I think that it is measured more by the 'progression' of the disease from where we started. There are early stage alcoholics and there are late stage alcoholics. For the late-stagers, it may be their last chance at recovery. They have to finally 'get sober' or die.
Some people are seemingly born alcoholic, with no ability to control what will happen once they begin drinking. Others might drink once or twice a year, but when they drink there is big trouble.
Towards the end, alcohol became more important to me. More important than any other commitments, jobs and friendships. I knew that I didn't drink normally.
The invitations to parties dried up and eventually I drank alone. No one to see how much I drank and no one judging me. I always had a 'supply'.
I tried to cut down, but found that caused binges. I was convinced that alcohol was my best friend, that I could not cope or function without it.
I saw what it did to others and thought that I would be somehow different. Then the physical sickness came. My digestive system shut down. My liver was swollen and pressing against my rib cage. I was broke and homeless.
They talk about epiphanies. Only 1%-4% of addicts and alcoholics might experience one. Mine came when I asked for help. This got me into treatment. I had been in detoxes and rehabs before, but this time was different. For the first time in my life the hopelessness turned 180° into hopefulness. Something stepped into my life that day and saved it. I can't tell if it came from the inside out or the outside in and it really didn't matter.
When something steps into, brings control to your life and lifts an obsession, you aren't supposed to question it. It made me believe.
Now whenever I come through a life threatening situation, I believe even more than before.
This happened 33 years ago and it has been one day at a time ever since.
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby Dexace35 » Mon Apr 26, 2021 7:25 am

Thank you for your thoughts on my matter.

I am struggling to find out why I drink so much. I think I do it because I just don't like the rigors of social interactions. My drunkenness makes me able to go out to my garden and do what I do with no fear of making or maintaining a social connection with the passers by. What social interactions come my way, I deliberately diffuse immediately. I am really mad that I can't just spend time in my garden without somebody trying to talk to me. I just want to dig in the dirt, see my plants grow, and kill any animals that want to eat my plants, and not be judged by other humans. Being 8 shots deep at 2pm gives me some sort of energy that allows me to hear someone saying something to me, look them in the eyes, and not say anything back. And I guess people get kinda freaked out by that. If I was normal, I might feel pressured to accept their social advances, and that would be unpleasant for me. I think the alcohol gives me the courage to either disregard other people, or not feel bad about disregarding people.

I think I hit a new personal record today. I had 10 shots between 10am and 5pm, and another 9 shots between 9pm and 1am. I cut the lawn and did some gardening, but I came in when the nosey neighbors came out and I didn't want to come back out because I didn't want the obligation of interaction with them. I drank enough water and ate enough food to accept the amount of alcohol I drank. I hope I don't hate myself when I wake up. I hope I don't wake up until about 1pm, but usually I don't sleep great. Usually about 2am to 8am is my baseline. Any later is a treat.

Thanks for being here.
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Re: Just wondering if this is bad.

Postby TriggerTheStomatopod » Mon Apr 26, 2021 9:44 pm

Dexace35 wrote:Thank you for your thoughts on my matter.

I am struggling to find out why I drink so much. I think I do it because I just don't like the rigors of social interactions. My drunkenness makes me able to go out to my garden and do what I do with no fear of making or maintaining a social connection with the passers by. What social interactions come my way, I deliberately diffuse immediately. I am really mad that I can't just spend time in my garden without somebody trying to talk to me. I just want to dig in the dirt, see my plants grow, and kill any animals that want to eat my plants, and not be judged by other humans. Being 8 shots deep at 2pm gives me some sort of energy that allows me to hear someone saying something to me, look them in the eyes, and not say anything back. And I guess people get kinda freaked out by that. If I was normal, I might feel pressured to accept their social advances, and that would be unpleasant for me. I think the alcohol gives me the courage to either disregard other people, or not feel bad about disregarding people.

I think I hit a new personal record today. I had 10 shots between 10am and 5pm, and another 9 shots between 9pm and 1am. I cut the lawn and did some gardening, but I came in when the nosey neighbors came out and I didn't want to come back out because I didn't want the obligation of interaction with them. I drank enough water and ate enough food to accept the amount of alcohol I drank. I hope I don't hate myself when I wake up. I hope I don't wake up until about 1pm, but usually I don't sleep great. Usually about 2am to 8am is my baseline. Any later is a treat.

Thanks for being here.


I don't know if I've understood that correctly.
Uhm...

But there's a chance that I really know what you're talking about. Seriously. Uhm not the alcohol stuff. But the part of it nearly being impossible to just ignore people when they start conversations with you (or yeah well... me).

That stuff goes deep. I'm not surprised it actually takes you quite a substantial amount of alcohol to somehow... numb you enough so you don't feel this... need I guess. This need that (for me, anyway?) doesn't even seem to eminate from myself, it's just this psychical obligation that you just have to react to someone.

Don't know if I'm right there but if you're talking about sort of like the same thing I'm thinking of, it's pretty crazy how hard-wired that really seems to be.

Somehow it makes me think my ancestors tortured that into eachother lol. Like you have to react... say something... can't just stay silent. Maybe a bit of a silly thought but I just wonder how else that could have... originated.

It's nice that in law it actually gets mentioned immediately, like the "You have the right to remain silent". Maybe just put a sign in your garden for that. Cause it almost feels like unless your a suspect in some trial... you don't have that right lol!

Yeah it has got me thinking.
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