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prescription euphoric guilt and mild anxiety

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prescription euphoric guilt and mild anxiety

Postby UpDownAround » Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:27 pm

This is kind of an odd feeling that I know I need to get past. I have suffered from type 2 bipolar depression a long time. I am finally being a lot more proactive in getting care.

I used to have a lot of problems with alcohol and drugs. I still have some issues; I had to come clean with my primary and tell her not to give me the tasty cough medicine anymore and I am still drinking, but keeping it in check pretty well. I "dose" myself, setting a limit that is enough to buzz but not stagger/slur and stick to it nearly every time. I usually don't drink frequently and sometimes go months without drinking.

Anyway, the issue is that my current medication regimen seems to be doing a pretty good job of keeping me out of the depths. But getting depressed is cyclic; some days are worse than others and some days I am up instead of down. Some days I feel a nice little buzz for much of the morning and when I am hypomanic it lasts all day. It isn't enough to cause any problems and I do wonder if naturally happy people feel this good all the time. A mild case of the grins (psychedelic users know what I am talking about) is one manifestation and there is definitely some euphoria causing that.

The mild anxiety is that I sometimes feel a little guilty, "gaming the system" to get high and worry I will get caught. I talked to pdoc and giving me that mildly high feeling is what my meds are supposed to do. One of them (Adderall) is being monitored closely and she might take it away from me because of the potential for abuse, but it is effective. So what I feel from the meds is expected/condoned. But I still feel like I could get busted sometimes.
Up and down
And in the end it's only round and round

Pink Floyd - Us and Them

bipolar II, hyperacusis, substance use disorder
lamictal, straterra, saphris
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Re: prescription euphoric guilt and mild anxiety

Postby UpDownAround » Thu Jun 29, 2017 10:11 pm

OK, there is a new line on my signature. My justification didn't work; the Adderall is going away. No, I was not supposed to use it to get a little extra bump.
Up and down
And in the end it's only round and round

Pink Floyd - Us and Them

bipolar II, hyperacusis, substance use disorder
lamictal, straterra, saphris
User avatar
UpDownAround
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 293
Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:50 am
Local time: Wed Jun 19, 2019 11:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


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