Welcome NinaNova1
Sorry you are battling this .
NinaNova1 wrote:surprisingly no one seems to have cottoned on to what is happening. Kind of reflects on how much I matter.
It may actually indicate how good you are at hiding it . I am a gambling addict . I gambled myself into near destruction for 7 years . After a year into recovery , I started to tell people close to me about what I went through . Every single one of them was shocked speechless - completely clueless that I had been compulsively destroying myself financially and mentally for all those years .
You're right . You can't keep doing this . Seeking help for an addiction is a hard step to take . There is a feeling of shame and embarrassment that the addiction uses to keep us under it's control .
Addiction doesn't want us to get help .The place to start is with a drug addiction counselor . Recovery is a long journey and a hard one in the beginning . You have made a powerful and positive decision to join this forum . That is the beginnings of self-realization . It is the voicing of your desire to live your life without these chains around your neck .
Taking the drug , placing the bet , reaching for the bottle of alcohol - these are all choices that we make . We can choose not to give in to the urge . We can choose not to believe the self-delusion that the drink , the drug , the gamble will somehow make things better when we know without a doubt that they will only make things worse .
In choosing not to do those things , the addiction will fight back with everything its got . That's where so many of us relapse . We believe we don't have the strength to fight back . It's too hard , it's too unpleasant , it's too uncomfortable . But all of that is temporary and the thought that we aren't strong enough to overcome it is just another lie of the addiction .
The road of recovery is long and hard , but there is an incredible freedom to be found there . You're not alone - we will be with you on your journey , every step of the way .