I can't keep doing this

This is a first for me.
Over the past I'm not sure how long, I have been relying on drugs to survive in my everyday life. I have a rather successful but stressful job and a lot of responsibilities outside of this that I am struggling to deal with. So I submerge myself in ketamine, mdma, cocaine and pretty much anything I can get my hands on to get me through the day. This problem has got me into financial turmoil but surprisingly no one seems to have cottoned on to what is happening. Kind of reflects on how much I matter. I was wondering if there was anyone out there who was in a similar position, as right now I just need to speak out but I don't know where to start.

Welcome NinaNova1

Sorry you are battling this .

NinaNova1 wrote:surprisingly no one seems to have cottoned on to what is happening. Kind of reflects on how much I matter.

It may actually indicate how good you are at hiding it . I am a gambling addict . I gambled myself into near destruction for 7 years . After a year into recovery , I started to tell people close to me about what I went through . Every single one of them was shocked speechless - completely clueless that I had been compulsively destroying myself financially and mentally for all those years .

You're right . You can't keep doing this . Seeking help for an addiction is a hard step to take . There is a feeling of shame and embarrassment that the addiction uses to keep us under it's control . Addiction doesn't want us to get help .

The place to start is with a drug addiction counselor . Recovery is a long journey and a hard one in the beginning . You have made a powerful and positive decision to join this forum . That is the beginnings of self-realization . It is the voicing of your desire to live your life without these chains around your neck .

Taking the drug , placing the bet , reaching for the bottle of alcohol - these are all choices that we make . We can choose not to give in to the urge . We can choose not to believe the self-delusion that the drink , the drug , the gamble will somehow make things better when we know without a doubt that they will only make things worse .

In choosing not to do those things , the addiction will fight back with everything its got . That's where so many of us relapse . We believe we don't have the strength to fight back . It's too hard , it's too unpleasant , it's too uncomfortable . But all of that is temporary and the thought that we aren't strong enough to overcome it is just another lie of the addiction .

The road of recovery is long and hard , but there is an incredible freedom to be found there . You're not alone - we will be with you on your journey , every step of the way .

Same. I've been fired for so many jobs for showing up drunk or high out of my mind. Lately I've been neglecting my responsibilities, starting fights, and drunk driving because I can't control my drinking. I want to stop, but I have absolutely no self control.

Has anyone offered help? Has anyone sat down trying to help you distinguish the responsiblities that are becoming to much and triggering your use? I feel like being a on the other side of the fence there is always a trigger in the actions of a drug user. Whether it be as simple as a gas station or as major as a certaij task that you do every day. Maybe if you take time for your self and seperate the things that make you want the drug. But im no therapist or specialist. But reaching out for help and having the support you need to have that confortablity for reaching out is most important. Taking the first leap is always the biggest. I lived by a quote.... Rock bottom is which i rebuilt my life on.... Good luck. And you have support here