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A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

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A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby Fireandrain » Tue Nov 22, 2011 6:22 am

I have painful memories of my childhood, deep wounds inflicted by my mom- scars from cruel words that traumatized me and haunt me still: "people are going to think you're mentally retarded and THAT will be a poor reflection on ME!" she was ashamed and embarrassed. One of my three brothers also stuttered occasionally... mostly at the beginning of certain consonants... L-L-Let me try. B-B-But
I said no! I know my mind was racing faster than the words could form and getting that first one out was excruciating, at times! I didn't know if I would stammer or it would flow! It was a crap shoot! You can only imagine to speak in front of her intensified my stuttering, "go away until you can rehearse what you want to say and say it perfectly in front of me or don't bother speaking to me at all!" is it any wonder I'm in therapy today struggling to find my truest self and authentic voice?!?! She recently told me that other family members stuttered and it freaked her out. Can't help but wonder if there's a genetic link AND if there's also a connection between the kind of upbringing I had. When I saw the movie, The King's Speech, I was moved to tears as I, and I know WE, have lived his story... unfortunately, some parents completely exacerbate the problem rather than become the healing balm they have the power to become in their child's life. When my 3 year old son started to stutter, I knew instinctively how to learn from the horrors of my own childhood. He's now 5, and I haven't heard him stutter in months. I simply never drew attention to it. Just held him calmly and lovingly. Took a deep breath with him and said, now tell mommy one more time what you wanted to say? Anyone can relate? What's your story?
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire - Ferdinand Foch

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
but learning to dance in the rain. - Anonymous
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby jasmin » Fri Nov 25, 2011 5:26 pm

Fire, that's really beautiful, you helped your son heal :D Sorry, I just wanted to say that.
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby Starling2003 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 6:44 am

The mystery of stuttering has not yet been solved but the more research that is done, the more it appears that the stuttering brain is different than the non stuttering brain. Although upbringing can possibly cause stuttering, I often think that upbringing makes a stuttering condition worse.

As a stutterer, we want others to listen, to be patient.
As a stutterer, we need to learn to let how other people react and not let their reactions get under our skin.

I actually have grown through stuttering-I have learned creative ways to handle my stuttering, I have learned to advocate and educate non stutterers (MANY people do not realize what it is, even stutterers....and we hide in our shells so often because we fear what others think that others cannot even be educated)......and I continue to go through the frustrations that come with stuttering.
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby Fireandrain » Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:26 am

Dear Starling 2003,
Thank you so much for your thoughful response and insights!! I learned a great deal from what you've shared : ) how not to let others get under our skin! And how research shows how our brains are different! Woah!! (I am also someone who suffers with cyclothymic disorder which is a mild form of bipolar) and there are visible differences in the brain due to that one, as well! Yay me!! Haha!! Thanks again for taking the time to share your perspective and wisdom.
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire - Ferdinand Foch

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
but learning to dance in the rain. - Anonymous
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby HSPStress » Thu Jan 12, 2012 8:37 pm

Stuttering is one of the conditions that affect highly sensitive people. HSP's ,as they are called, are biologically different in that they have nervous systems that take in a lot more stimulus than non-HSP's. That means that they become overwhelmed very quickly and when that happens, some will start to stuttering. HSP's develop differently from non-HSP's in the womb either through family genetics, which sounds like your situation, or when the mother has so much stress during pregnancy that testosterone increases in her body causing a change in fetal development.

There was a time not so long ago that people were superstitious about people who were left-handed, stuttered and had other conditions that were considered "unusual." In the past they could be killed. Your mother's fear may be a leftover from ancient fears that have nothing to do with you. Fortunately we live in a time when we have more information and can override these ancient superstitions, which it sounds like you are doing with therapy and your child.

It is very hard to challenge old ideas and you are brave to do so. You are a part of the solution and that is something to be proud of. Good luck!

Here are some links to help you:
This link discusses the biology of HSP's: http://www.hsp-stress-relief.com/human-genetic-diseases.html#axzz1ip4kAPEO
This link lists all of the conditions associated with HSP's including stuttering: http://www.hsp-stress-relief.com/left-handed-people.html#axzz1ip4kAPEO

And here are some stuttering resources: http://www.nsastutter.org/
http://www.stutteringhelp.org/
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby Fireandrain » Sun Jan 15, 2012 7:25 pm

Dear HSPStress,
Words can't possibly express my gratitude for the insights you have shared with me! Wow!! It makes perfect sense when I think of all the times I would feel more apt to stutter than not... That overwhelmed feeling.... And being highly sensitive?? Woah! And how our brains actually look different... Blows my mind!! And my little one... He's HSP, too!! And the stuttering comes and goes still... just not as frequently... So more than ever I want to learn all that I can!!! Everyone here has been so helpful!!!! I feel greatly encouraged and supported by you all!!!! Thank you!!!
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire - Ferdinand Foch

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
but learning to dance in the rain. - Anonymous
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby theNomad » Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:09 pm

Dear Fireandrain,

I am 24 and have been stuttering since a very young age. Its only recently that I have seriously acknowledged this problem and have started looking for answers. I am still unsure of why I started stammering suddenly. Your post and the answers given by others were a great help. Knowing there are others who have similar issues somehow gives me strength.
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby Topangaa » Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:17 pm

I do believe that my stuttering as well as a lot of other cases are genetic. My father is a heavy stutterer, and I am one of three children- the only child that inherited the trait. His stuttering condition is far worse than mine, however I have learned to hide it very well. We all know though, that on certain days and at certain times, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to ignore.

If affects you every single day of your life.
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby Fireandrain » Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:59 pm

Hi Nomad and Topanga!! : )
Hearing from you both gives me great encouragement still! I have tears welling up in my eyes for some reason... I suppose it's the common experience and deep knowing without needing to say much more I guess... The understanding and awareness helps to dispell so much of the stigma and sets us free to understand the condition for what it is without the devastating effects on self-esteem and embarrassment that comes with it! It's nice to know we're here... It's very uplifting!!
The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire - Ferdinand Foch

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,
but learning to dance in the rain. - Anonymous
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Re: A genetic link? An overcontrolling mother? My Story

Postby jasmin » Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:30 pm

It's lovely to see you guys bonding :mrgreen:
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