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What do you think this stalker wants?

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What do you think this stalker wants?

Postby Cyban » Thu Apr 04, 2019 6:48 pm

I will try to keep this as brief as possible. I have been cyberstalked and harassed for over two years by a woman whom I was actually in love with but for various reasons we just did not get it together.

We met nearly four years ago when she was seeing someone else. We met up from time to time at various social events and had a good time together. However, I sensed something was not right about her and kept my distance. However, She kept texting me and I started to fall for her and after about 18 months really was in deep, emotionally. Unfortunately, at the same time, I developed health issues which pretty much ruled out dating/relationships. I was wrestling with myself as to what to say to her if anything, and I think she thought I was ignoring her as one day I got a weird Facebook friend request, and then did not at first realise it was her but looking back that is where all the stalking started.

A couple of days later it did contact her and after a little while I did declare my love, as I could not hold it in any more but explained that dating was out for me at that time . She backed off (she always does if you make any kind of move towards her) and I did get to explain my feelings. She told me she wanted to be friends as she has not been dating because she was nervous of it, then changed her mind and said she wanted to date me (but taking it slow). I repeated that for medical reasons dating was not an option and she said OK, I won’t contact you but you can get back to me if and when you want.

However, at this point the weird fb request continued and I also got a message saying my fb account was hacked. I had a growing feeling she was behind it but still wanted her bad and when I felt a bit better got back in touch. She actually said she would be in my town the next day and would text me.
I did not hear form her and when I asked her what had happened she said she had a migraine (but never bothered letting me know) so it felt like she was basically telling me to get lost. The cyberstalking continued and after a little more time passed I texted her to say all the best and I won’t be contacting you any more, please leave me in peace. The cyberstalking just ramped up, moving on to Instagram and eventually LinkedIn. I got strange e-mails and had to change my e-mail address. She signed me up to various hookup sites, as I believe infected my PC with a keylogger which I have now hopefully removed. Some of the fb requests were of a crudely sexual nature.

I went on a dating app and a dating site and she bombarded me with fake profiles and messages non-stop. The social media stuff also kept up. Slowly my feeling s or her cooled but they are still there.
What I just cannot work out is what she wants. Does he even know? She seemed not to want to meet me, just to tease. But also very jealous of other women and seems to do all she can to prevent me meeting them.

Why? What could be going on in her head? Does she actually want a relationship with me? With anyone, I wonder? Is there a mental or physical health issue that Is getting in the way? This has become agonising. I an ideal world I think we would just have had a hookup and get it over with but that would just be getting myself into a quagmire from which I would never extricate myself. She obviously has anxiety and I suspect low self-esteem as she is very tall and sees this as a negative (tho I do not). I am not sure if she has had any relationships with other men and once complained to me about them not getting off the ground.

She has somehow managed to make me feel both staled d rejected at the same time. I am really stressed out and need to resolve this at long last.

I asked her once how she felt about me and she said she was “magnetically attracted to me”. As I was to her. Not getting on with this lady us almost making me ill.
So any insights as to what could be going on in her head (and I know that one can only guess) would be valuable.

I feel so confused, apart from everything else. If she is trying to tell me she still wants me, why then hasn’t she taken chances to meet? Could anyone really just be teasing all that time and not really serious? Could she want to meet but a bit like me be crippled by mental/physical health issues( at 53, I realise she may well be in the menopause).
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Re: What do you think this stalker wants?

Postby Cyban » Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:29 pm

Can't even one person be bothered to respond out of 160 views?

It seems the forum is a haven for mawkish voyeurs using others' distress for entertainment, judging by the minuscule replies:views ratio.
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Re: What do you think this stalker wants?

Postby BethleftRich » Sun Apr 28, 2019 2:21 pm

Don't take anything personally, if you stop caring about what she does or says, you will empower yourself emotionally. The things she is doing reflect her wants and needs, and from what you said, you are left out in the cold, so to speak. If she does display interest in you on occasion, might be she doesn't want to burn her bridges, and that is selfish. She's looking out after herself. You take care of your feelings first. You deserve the best that Life and relationships have to offer.
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Re: What do you think this stalker wants?

Postby OrlandoGuyToo » Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:09 am

I have encountered this type of woman before: A woman that seems very interested but at the same time shows very definite signs of not being interested. The best theory I can come up with in these situations is either -

1. This woman has something she considers a "deal-breaker" that doesn't allow her to date you. This could be another man, a child, or anything else that she assumes makes it impossible to date you.
2. This woman is so deathly afraid of getting close she will not allow herself to. The reason could be as you stated: she may have severe self-esteem issues, or maybe been through a brutal rejection.
3. This woman doesn't know how to proceed in order to date you despite how obvious you think it is.

No matter which is the cause for her behavior, the result for me has always been the same. I've never found a way to help the woman proceed from these issues that are stopping her. Absolutely the only way for this woman to fix this is for her to decide she needs to fix it and seek help. I've personally tried very hard to help women like this and no matter what approach I took and how gentle I'd try to be, I could never help them.

My advice, as crappy as it may be, is to find other women. I just don't see any other possibilities here.
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Re: What do you think this stalker wants?

Postby OrlandoGuyToo » Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:16 am

Cyban wrote:Can't even one person be bothered to respond out of 160 views?

It seems the forum is a haven for mawkish voyeurs using others' distress for entertainment, judging by the minuscule replies:views ratio.


I think it's just that most people don't know what to say/don't have any advice. Your issue is quite a specific situation that I happen to have experience in. But I don't think most people have had the experience we have had.
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