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I'm being stalked at work, does this guy sound dangerous?

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I'm being stalked at work, does this guy sound dangerous?

Postby technosaturday » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:47 am

Just wanted to get an opinion on a situation at my place of work, which is a public place.

There has been a man that regularly frequents my work place, and has made me uncomfortable for years now. He has done a lot of things which when I called the police to ask for advice they did confirm it was stalking. It recently escalated which involved him waiting for me outside of work watching the staff door before we opened, and chasing after me two known times. The first time I didn't see it but my coworker did, he came right up behind me (winded and red in the face) and glared at me from behind. The second time he came flying in at an odd time (for him) and I saw him run up to me, then when he saw that I had spotted him he got all frantic and took off, my coworkers telling me that he looked totally frantic and was looking around for me (I had gone into the staff room). My coworkers were made aware of this, and kept a close eye on him, and as a result he seems to have backed off, even though he still stares at me. The staring has always been a huge issue. He used to stand in the lobby before opening (we have glass doors, this is before we locked the doors to the lobby) and stare at me for 15-10 minutes not breaking eye contact. But the thing is, I had thought he had backed off for a long period of time, maybe over a year, I even told my manager that, then all of a sudden it escalated, so I'm weary of this seeming lul in his behaviour.

He has stalked another staff member in the past, telling her what her license plate number is, getting pictures of her off facebook. I do not know the extent of his obsession with me. The police had to get involved with the other girl to get him to stop. I have not been friendly with him, but she was. I can only hope this is deescalating finally after all these years, but again I don't trust it. Every time I see him I get a shot of adrenaline. I'm sick of being on edge at my job.

I ran this by my therapist and he told me it sounds like this guy has aspergers. I know aspergers can involve obsessive thoughts and behaviour. But the staring is not typical of aspergers as far as I know. I don't know what to think. Maybe its aspergers, maybe its not? And if it's not, it could be anything. He wears the same thing all the time, he doesn't seem to be deterred by my reactions to his behaviour, he lives on the other end of the city and makes the drive to come to my place of work, and it's usually the same time every day. My therapist said (if it is aspergers) that he's harmless. Any thoughts? I don't know if I should be scared of this guy or not.

I have recently left the most abusive relationship of my life with a legit sociopath (who also stalked me at my work place). I find this all so triggering. I just want to feel safe finally.
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Re: I'm being stalked at work, does this guy sound dangerous?

Postby avatar123 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 8:02 pm

Sorry you're having to deal with this. It is definitely stalking but at low-enough level that you don't have many legal options. The guy obviously has some issues if he's done this before. It's hard to know if he's dangerous or not, but it's best not to take any risks.

I think you're doing the right things. Make your workplace, supervisor and co-workers aware of him so they can help you be vigilant. They can also help by escorting you to/from transportation, or by interfering or distracting him if he gets too close. Also the owner should be able to ask him to leave, and if he does the same thing from the sidewalk, the police can ask him to leave. Someone other than you can make it clear that his behavior is not welcome.

Also make the police aware of him and let them know of significant changes or escalations. Unless he breaks the law, all they can do is talk to him, but that can definitely help. You might also carry some personal protection, in the form of a spray or alarm. If he does something threatening, then you can request an order of protection, but the threshold for that has to be a significant threat, unfortunately,

Other than that, it's best to ignore him, don't engage him or return his stare. Don't feed into his compulsion. If he comes in, let someone else help him. Do keep a record of what he does. A co-worker can help by using their phone to get photos of his behavior, with time and date stamp. Keep all that as it will help the police if things escalate. They also can be used to support an order of protection, if there are many instances over a long period.

If you do these things, it may give you some peace of mind, as you are not completely powerless or helpless. You just have to stay within the law, and let the law work for you if he doesn't. I know that seems unfair (and it is), but hopefully he will eventually lose interest and move on.
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Re: I'm being stalked at work, does this guy sound dangerous?

Postby OrlandoGuyToo » Fri Dec 27, 2019 3:53 am

I read someone else's reply to your story and I found it was pretty comprehensive but I thought of a few very important things to say:

1. If at all possible, take a self defense class. I'm not saying this because I think he's dangerous, I'm saying this because it will give you more confidence to handle anything that may occur with this man. I think one thing to always remember is that no matter how much larger someone else is, they all have the same weak spots you do. If anything happens, eyes, neck, ears, groin are all great targets. When I've been stalked or in a position where I felt I was in danger, knowing I could really hurt this person gave me some solace. Often, in physical life and death situations, I find the person with the most determination wins, not the size of the person. Look at animals, I've seen many times a smaller animal might more seriously injure or scare away the larger animal, and it's all because the smaller animal is more determined.

2. Always pay attention to your surroundings. Based on your description, it sounds like you are already doing that in regards to this man. However, the reason why I still point this out is because in my experience, most problems that one can encounter can often be defused somehow if you know early enough.

One example I can give of this is one time when I noticed a couple of guys on the street looking at and talking about a gold chain around my neck. Noticing this, I calmly walked in the other direction, they followed me, and I turned into a store which was full people. I basically defused a situation which might have been a robbery.

Here's one counter example, I had a female friend walk out of Walmart. She went to her car, didn't look around her, and when she placed her purse on her car's roof so she could open the car door, some guy grabbed the purse and ran. Now, I'm certainly not saying it was her fault. I am saying that if she took the time to look behind her and kept her purse on her, she MIGHT have been able to void this incident. All criminals love easy targets, it's a matter of ensuring you're not one of them.

3. See if you can change jobs. I realize how horrible it is that all because of one lunatic, you might be forced to go through the trouble of finding another job and possibly leaving a job you might otherwise love. However, life is short and peace of mind is worth so much. If you are able to change jobs, I think you will realize just how negatively that crazy man had been affecting you. Going through your day and not having to deal with insanity is such a wonderful feeling. Changing jobs might give you that.
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