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feeling helpless!

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feeling helpless!

Postby cominatsha » Mon Nov 02, 2015 4:37 pm

Hello there and thank you for free access to help and advise.
I was in a relationship with a now ex boyfriend for almost 3 years, I broke it off 6 months ago because he was and is controlling and manipulative, he always use to belittle, insult, disrespect and degrade me. I tried multiple times to establish no contact but D (the ex), wont have it, he is so use to getting his way that I have found myself feeling powerless, annoyed, unheard, undermined, disregarded. I am a very sympathetic person and he has a way to make me feel sorry for him, I feel like such a fool whenever I realize that I have allowed him to once again manipulate the situation in his favor... I have dealt with stalker before, I have managed to successfully shake them off, but this is different.

His persistence and total disregard for my rejection leaves me feeling helpless. sometimes I feel like I need to take legal action, but then I think to myself that it is not that bad, maybe he will get over it, because all he asks for is to be on good terms, but when we are on good terms he just carries on like everything is still fine or whatever to the point where I get frustrated because he doesn't get it then I block him on everything, next minute he is outside banging on the gate, jumping over the wall, getting into my house, convincing me to just allow him to let go his way, and then yesterday... I feel so violated, after repeatedly asking him to stop, he just as usual had his way, I feel responsible because if it happened I let it happen. I feel powerless, the whole day I have been feeling weak and shaky. I do not want to see myself as a victim, I have been through lots of stuff in my life and I am a strong person. I do not know what to do because I feel like whatever I do it will be an over reaction, I am making it worse than it is, most probably because He has managed to get into my head and convinced me that its is harmless, and I am making a mountain out of an ants nest, that he is an innocent guy, smitten by me and in need of comfort because his family is always judging him and rejecting him, which is such a lie, he is his mom and dads pride and joy, they do anything for him, I have asked his mom to speak to him, she did, she booked him a flight and managed to get him out of the city for a week, when he came back, he was at it again... the list of things he has done is long, the story is never ending, it drains me to explain. please advise me on what exactly I am dealing with and the best course of action.
thank you so much.
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Re: feeling helpless!

Postby Otter » Tue Nov 03, 2015 1:58 am

cominatsha wrote:he always use to belittle, insult, disrespect and degrade me.

When a person does this, send them on their way - and make sure don't let them back in to your life.

cominatsha wrote:I am a very sympathetic person and he has a way to make me feel sorry for him

I think you have gotten to a point, where you need to let your very sympathetic person take a back seat.

If need be, get a restraining order. Find someone who appreciates you.

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