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Harassment accusation and strange behaviours

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Harassment accusation and strange behaviours

Postby cinnamon1971 » Sat Apr 11, 2015 5:24 pm

I badly need an advice from someone competent in stalking and harassing matters.
I've been recently threathened to be denounced for stalking by a guy. He's a guy I had a kind of emotional relationship a while ago, it ended up badly 'cause I was engaged, I wanted to help him 'cause he had lots of problems with his ex and with drugs and depression, but in the end (december 2013) I collapsed / exploded, telling him to stay away from me 'cause he was ruining my life.
I have indeed tried to contact him again several times, not for the first months, but after april 2014, 'cause I've been told by friends (or seeing things posted by common friends on social networks) that he was having even bigger problems, like his ex-wife having a relationship with his best friend, so knowing his attitude towards addiction and depression I was basically worried for him, and was hoping he could talk 'cause he used to be very open with me.
In meantime my relationship with my now ex-partner ended (not easily, with me being on the serious point of denouncing him for stalking and violence...luckily when he found a new partner he stopped and we're friends now).
In all these months I've been strangely contacted by people around the first guy...his sister, some close friend...like if they were trying to see what kind of person I was.
On the other side, I had accusation from members of his band (he's a musicians and the band was quite well known) to be the cause of their split up, like he decided to quit after I sent him away from me.
Another time, I was at a gig and unexpectedly met his ex wife and her new partner, and they attacked me suddenly - while I was just smoking outside the venue - 'cause another common friend told them I had posted "$#%^" about them on facebook. Which wasn't true at all, even they didn't knew what they were talking about and told me they had "lots of $#%^" because of their relationship.
Because all this people are related to my job (I was actually booking agent for another band of this man) I tried to discuss matters with people involved, 'cause it was becoming very stressful for me to have continuous attack and to realise people in our circle were showing me hostility. But the more I asked for explanations, the less I got.
I always had the feeling that the guy never had something against me. He never cancelled me or blocked me on facebook - while some of his friends did - and even if not replying to any message he posted things related to me and stopped to accept any tag from photos on his facebook since the night at end of 2013 when we broke up (altough there were many public pics of him tagged on the social).
Anyway, I met him again recently when his band was in tour again, at festivals / gigs where I was working with other bands in my roster.
I asked him if it was ok to forget about past issues and just behave normally (I mean just polite and normal relationships). He agreed, saying "yes of course".
I have felt a bit of embarassement from him but not hostility. I've been acting professionally, never asking him to talk about any personal matters and not even trying to stay alone with him. I knew he was around to work and me too, so just tried and wanted to keep things normal, and many people who were around are witnesses.
The last night we met in Berlin for a gig I've been chatting with him and other friends in backstage, laughing together, he was relaxed, went standing very close to me couple of times, I felt like showing a few affective gestures with him, and I perceived no tension at all or pushing back from him. When I was wanting to denounce my ex I can remember well I couldn't stand the minimum touch, I was jumping back from instinct feeling disgusted...
With this guy, when we said hello, he wanted even to hug me, I told him if it was ok to stay in touch and he told me "OK!" smiling.
I was just sure all was sorted and we could have been just friends, or in normal relationships.
Then 2 days after . with him back home and me too - I get an email saying that he will report me to the police if I try to contact him again in any way and even if I show up in places where he plays 'cause my presence "is disturbing for his music". Just after sending the email he finally adds a photo on his facebook (a kind of sad photo from the tour black and white with all the band looking at the floor), and one day after blocks me. I felt like all was planned...in a way to be sure to hurt me.
Also strangely, this happened exactly one year after his ex-wife unfriended him (maybe blocked him too? maybe threathened to denounce him? In the end he wrote a song for her called "my obsessive love" and I knew he had problems with their daughter custody, being able to see her only once a month, after a serious incident he had in 2009 probably on alcohol / drugs...did he wanted to get a revenge on me for what he got from her?)

I have basically decided to quit my job now and get fresh air - and I have communicated this already publicy - 'cause it's impossible for me to work having to care all the times if he or any other people close to him will be in places where I have or just want to go 'cause it's good or due for me professionally. Too much stress...feeling unconfortable...also in this circle everyone knows each other so I learnt too well any word can be wrongly interpreted or reported...I tried all I could to release things, I have just to admit I failed. If he don't want to have me around he won't have me around now..

I'd like so much to hear your opinion and advice on this.
I'm having the right decision deciding to quit my job to not have any casual contact with him or with people connected to him?
Is it possible someone can be kind and close to you, chatting and laughing, even hugging you and then send two days after an email for "no contact or I take action against you?"

Many thanks and kind regards
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Re: Harassment accusation and strange behaviours

Postby seabreezeblue » Sat Apr 18, 2015 8:44 pm

This man sounds incredibly disordered..

To me, it sounds like this man has been talking about you to people behind your back but asking them not to say anything to you about it.. most likely telling them that you're seriously disturbed and unstable.

That's the only reason that I can think of that would cause the passively hostile behaviour from the people in your circle.. add this to the fact that he told people that you'd been insulting them behind their backs and this adds up to a really horrible situation to find yourself in. :(

I'm really sorry that you've decided that you need to quit your job.. are you okay financially and everything if you do this? I do understand your decision though - unfortunately, when someone is as toxic to us as this man has been to you, sometimes the only answer is to keep as far away from them as possible.

Shine me a light up
and i'll run round the moon..
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Re: Harassment accusation and strange behaviours

Postby Dwaynne » Wed May 13, 2020 3:00 pm

This could be signs of targeting, slander the druggy friends, the mobbing incidents this is known nowadays as Gang Stalking.
It's a modern abuse trend that needs more attention upon exposing it. As mental health is covering it up through hallucination and gaslighting explanations.
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