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Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

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Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby *C* » Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:08 pm

Hi,
I registered to post my experience thus far with the maintenance man who works in the condo where I live, and has recently escalated his unwanted attentions. I need advice and help. My mother and I moved into this place about 2 years ago and soon after both of us noticed he would stare and leer at me unceasingly, with a cheesy creepy grin on his face which made my skin crawl and raised the hairs on the back of my neck. And he would also do these unsettling things, e.g. when I/we happened to be in the elevator with him, instead of facing the front as normal people do, he would turn his head around to stare at me. Once, we were throwing something in the dumpster and he came upon us totally silent and stealthy, and 'helped' us. We didn't need nor want his help and were creeped he didn't make his presence known beforehand, with audible footfalls and/or asking us as he approached if we needed assistance. What's more strange is he came out of the nearby workroom, which was pitch dark, the lights were off...what was he doing in the darkness??? Very sinister, like a spider lying in wait.

The worst part is even when I/we catch him staring and leering at me, he doesn't look away but keeps at it...even with my mother there! Normal guys would be embarassed to be caught perving on a female with her family around, but this guy isn't, which indicates he either lacks awareness of social boundaries/norms, or he is aware but doesn't care. Both if you ask me shows he's capable of crossing the line.

This is where it gets really freaky and perturbing. Recently in the past months/weeks he's escalated his behavior: when we went into the elevator he followed us and stopped in front staring and smiling that unsettling creepy grin...my mother asked him if he wanted to get in and he said "no"...but rather than going away, he kept standing there staring and leering until the doors closed. Then, a minute or so after we get into our unit, we hear loud knocking on our door and it's that creep. He gives us a notice about routine maintenance, but he could've taped it to our door as he did the other units, but he personally delivered it so he could see and interact with me. Ugh! Then, the next morn when we go out, when we reach the lobby and the doors open, to our shock and dismay, he *happens* to be there loitering right in front of us, it's obvious he was waiting for me since he was not doing anything and didn't go up. He looked ecstatic to see me and said hi, but I ignored him, being fed up at this point. The elevators and premises have security cams, so we wouldn't be surprised if he's monitoring them to better 'encounter' me, ugh!

On another occasion when I saw him by the entrance door and went to enter the other side to avoid him, he crossed the lobby and went out that very door to 'intercept' me and loitered about, but I turned back since I wasn't going to pass close by this weirdo! And when waiting to speak to the manager about something, the creep came over to talk to the security guard, but instead of looking at the guy he's chatting with, just about the entire time his eyes were glued on me...he even stopped and commented to me "nice shirt, I like your shirt"...I ignored him but felt nauseous and disgusted, him looking at my torso/chest. He's even lied to interact with me (that and/or to get revenge on me for rebuffing his creepy, pushy advances) by saying a guest's vehicle in our parking space was crooked and blocking the walkway and "nobody can pass"...went down later to check and while it was slanted, the walkway was not blocked at all (took pics just in case but of course he will deny he even said such a thing if I were to show the proof to the manager).

Because of this bombardment of unwanted, creepy attention, I investigate him to find out exactly what sort of character I'm dealing with. Turns out, he was incarcerated in federal prison in another state and was released about 8 years ago. I have not been able to find online what the offense/s were, I have contacted the facility and am awaiting a response. We can't really say we were surprised to discover he was a felon, I remarked to others before I found out that the way he looked at and behaved with me was like a guy who'd been in lockup for 20 years and I'm the first female he's seen!

On top of finding out he was a felon, his personal life is downright bizarre. He is in a same-sex marriage...but with a male who lives and identifies as a female, is not 'passable' at all, looks exactly what he is, a guy in total drag, very masculine facial features and much bigger and taller than the creep. From my understanding, gay males are not interested in 'trannies'. And it's obvious from his intense interest and attention to me that he is (basically) straight, so the only thing I can figure is he's mentally ill with psychosexual issues, and being desperate for sex/companionship, he is with this mannish-looking male "wife" as he cannot get any real female, let alone an attractive feminine one, due to his incredibly off-putting appearance (when I first saw him I thought he was very weird looking; and a friend remarked yikes! he looks like a bald, bespectacled version of the pit and lotion killer from The Silence of the Lambs!) and strange behavior and low social rank. Despite being in a same-sex marriage, it's really too bad he truly isn't gay, then I wouldn't be an unfortunate target of his creepy sexual/romantic interest!

I am not sure what to do about this situation. It is very awkward because we live here, and moving is not going to happen since we do like the location and building, and we also spent a lot of money having it renovated. As for going to the manager, due to a previous unrelated situation with an unlicensed contractor (unbeknownst to us at the time) he referred to us and highly recommended but turned out to be a nightmare and a thief, if we go to him about that creepy maintenance man, he will just see us as complaining women. You know how people dismiss and invalidate females as being difficult, neurotic, overreacting, crazy, drama queens etc, which we know he will do. He didn't believe us about and took the side of the unlicensed contractor who was clearly operating illegally, so we learned we can't rely and go to him and unless we have indisputable tangible proof about the creep, he will choose not to believe us (again). Even then we still fully expect him to stick up for that lecherous creep, esp. if/since he's the one who hired him and wouldn't want to lose face.

I'm feeling like a rat in a trap, wary of going out and coming back to the building for fear of encountering this individual. It's draining and annoying having to be constantly on high alert and scanning the area for him so I can avoid him when I spot him. I feel like a hunted animal. He's gotten me so alarmed with his behaviors, and combined with his criminal record and bizarre union, I felt the need to protection ourselves and be prepared for defense since I don't trust what this creep might do and am not willing to take any chances. I'm sure he must have some sick disgusting fantasies about me from the way he stares at me and the look in his eyes, like he's in some sick spellbound trance when he sees me.

I just want this pushy, delusional freak to stop with the creepy unwanted attention and not be fixated on me.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby seabreezeblue » Fri Jun 06, 2014 9:47 pm

This sounds like a really difficult and worrying situation for you right now and i'm sorry that you're feeling so overwhelmed with all of this.

Okay; solutions.. I think that you need to speak to this guy and explain that you're feeling quite uncomfortable with him.
Tell him that you don't feel comfortable with people facing you in the lift, it feels really intrusive.

My best guess on this one is that this guy has some form of developmental delay and needs a hand in understanding what is appropriate and what isn't.

I do think though that a lot of these issues are being caused by you feeling unable to enforce boundaries.. you haven't spoken to him about his behaviour and you continue to speak to him (aside from one occassion) even though you don't want to and find his prescence disturbing.

I think that it might be a good idea for you to have a look on the internet and see about maybe enrolling on to some variety of confidence building programme.. it will give you a lot of different tools to help you enforce boundaries.

I don't currently think that there's anything wrong with someone liking/living with/falling in love with a transvestite.. my personal view is that as long as no-one gets hurt, both people are over the age of consent - adults can do whatever they like and i'll smile at watching them being happy and sharing looks with dancing eyes.

I've been invalidated due to my gender on two occassions so i'm very sorry to hear that that has happened to you.. that's never okay..

He didn't believe us about and took the side of the unlicensed contractor who was clearly operating illegally, so we learned we can't rely and go to him and unless we have indisputable tangible proof about the creep, he will choose not to believe us (again).

^ nevertheless.. i think it may be well worth trying again and asking the guy if he could have a gentle chat with the other guy and explain that he's worrying you a bit.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby *C* » Sat Jun 07, 2014 1:36 am

It is extremely aggravating, as well as infuriating since it's all unnecessary on his part. We are near-strangers, at best casual acquaintances...he has no right, let alone reason to be acting this way. He's behaving like an utterly selfish creeper who feels entitled to me and my returning his interest, without any consideration or respect for the for the fact that I've made it very loud and clear I do not welcome his attention at all with my closed-off and withdrawn body language, avoiding actions, and distasteful, hostile facial expressions when we cross paths.

Thank you for the suggestion; however I am not willing at this time to speak with the creep. I could not stomach actually talking to him, being in his creepy presence and having to look at that awful lecherous face close up. And he would probably be thrilled to have me interact with him no matter how negative; sure he'd much prefer positive attention/contact but it's quite clear after I completely shunned him when his behavior escalated, that he'll settle for any attention. At any rate, I'm sure he would deny what he's been doing. In fact, I'd guarantee it. He's already shown himself to be a blatant, shameless liar in the above mentioned encounter I spoke of where he got nasty and falsely claimed my guest's vehicle was blocking the entire walkway, to get back at me for shunning him.

Whether he has a mental/developmental disorder...I'm sure he's off in the head given the socially inappropriate way he's acted towards me *even with my mother right there* seeing all this...however, I don't buy it since he doesn't display these sort of unsettling, weird behaviors with other people that I've seen; he sure is capable of acting normal enough and my mother said when she encounters him without me, he doesn't stare and leer and stalk as he does when I'm there.

As for my continuing to interact with him, maybe I should've been more clear. Before his escalating behavior, the most interaction we had was exchanging hellos and very short, brief chitchat when it was necessary regarding work being done or some other building issue. Cordial and professional. But yet since he was interested in me, he somehow perceived these 'interactions' as something more on my part because he wanted to think his interest was reciprocated. But now, after his stalker behavior, there is zero interaction/contact on my part so he is getting no 'encouragement' in the slightest. I'm ignoring and avoiding.

Regarding the manager, the only thing at this time I might be open to doing is sending an anonymous letter stating the creep is staring and leering at some females in the building and it's creeping them out. A friend suggested I should make it seem like more than one person is being sexually harassed by him so he'll take it more serious and said he may well be doing this to others since a lecherous weirdo like this is probably creeping other females out one way or another. I would also include in the letter if I send one to the manager, did he even bother to do a complete background check on the maintenance man (given that he didn't do any vetting with the unlicensed contractor who caused us so much headaches and hassles, we're betting he didn't check the creep out as well.)
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby seabreezeblue » Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:04 am

he is getting no 'encouragement' in the slightest. I'm ignoring and avoiding.

^ good.. he should hopefully learn that you won't interact with him after a good few times of this happening.

Regarding the manager, the only thing at this time I might be open to doing is sending an anonymous letter stating the creep is staring and leering at some females in the building and it's creeping them out. A friend suggested I should make it seem like more than one person is being sexually harassed by him so he'll take it more serious and said he may well be doing this to others since a lecherous weirdo like this is probably creeping other females out one way or another. I would also include in the letter if I send one to the manager, did he even bother to do a complete background check on the maintenance man (given that he didn't do any vetting with the unlicensed contractor who caused us so much headaches and hassles, we're betting he didn't check the creep out as well.)


^ I wouldn't take your friends advice on this one.. alhough she clearly means well and has your best interests at heart.. the repercussions of this could be problematic for you in the long term.
If you ever need to take this matter further than the guys manager and it's found out that you made his behaviour sound like it applied to more than just you, the police/authorities would have good grounds to doubt your version of events..
I'd very much like you to be safe and completely protect yourself here.

By all means, write a short letter to the manager to state that someone in the building is feeling uncomfortable and unsafe withthe guys behaviour.. if nothing else you can keep a copy of the letter and hand it to the authorities to show them that you tried to deal with this beforehand in a different manner.

I also suggest that you start a diary of events.. keep it dated and timed, write down each time that he appears to be following you, staring, or otherwise behaving in an inappropriate manner..

But please don't take your friends advice.. this could damage your credibility.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby *C* » Sat Jun 07, 2014 1:30 pm

Yes I'm hoping he gets discouraged and goes away. Because another reason I do not want to talk to him, besides not wanting to interact and his likelihood of viewing it as 'encouragement'...is if he were to deny his staring and leering and stalking, which of course he would because there's no way he'd admit what he's doing since it would get him in trouble, is I fear I would lose my temper after having to tolerate his behavior all this time. If I were to blow up, that would make *me* look like the baddie, which would be ironic since he's the one who drove me to distraction with all his creepy unwanted attention.

I agree about not claiming it's also other females being targeted; if I send that letter I will not do that, but then the concern becomes of course the manager will ask the creep if he knows who it is, and if the creep says it's me, you know he will do his best to try to discredit me, and knowing how the manager is, he'll take his boy's word for it. And when the manager asks me if I wrote that letter, I'm in a tough spot because if I lie, then I discredit myself if I need to go to the police/court...but if I tell the truth, that puts me in an even more awkward position and situation than I'm already living with. So I don't know if I will send that letter. I will wait and see. The friend who made the suggestion saying it's more than one female, is a male and had asked me if I wanted him to have a word with the creep, but I said no since it would be engaging the creep further and giving him a sense of 'importance' which might escalate his behavior more or faster.

It concerns me he *is* capable of doing something because if he was truly a reformed felon who wanted to stay out of trouble and just live a normal life...why is he behaving in a way that is attracting so much attention, suspicion and hostility? By being such a stalker creep, he's caused me to tell my circle all about him and delve into his background and personal life where I found out about his felony prison record and odd union. And he should realize with his criminal past and personal life, and looking like the stereotypical creepy weirdo, if it does get to the point where I report him and/or he does something, he wouldn't come off well at all to the police and courts, especially as compared to me, an attractive respectable citizen who has no criminal background or any mental health history/record (I don't mean that in a negative way; it's just if a person does have one, it may be used against them to 'taint' them unfairly e.g. "she's crazy").

Anyhow, this is why I believe he has the ability, if not the intent, of doing harm, otherwise he would be keeping his nose clean by not making me feel uneasy and not harassed me to begin with. And the fact his behavior escalated from 'passive' staring and leering...to actively 'pursuing' me and making that comment about my shirt and spitefully lying about the parking when I shunned him...what next if he continues this path? Touching/groping?...rape and/or murder?

Granted, I don't know (yet) what felony crime/s he committed, but as I've told others, I doubt it's an 'innocuous' white collar crime. Given how creepy and personal boundary-crossing he is, the likelihood is it was something like stalking, rape, terroristic threatening, child porn, arson, assault/battery, and/or murder/manslaughter. My gut instinct from the start was this creep was someone to beware of, and I'm not surprised it was spot-on seeing as he's a felon and with his strange union.

And speaking of his union, he's got a mate so what is he doing going after someone who's not even interested in him and never will be? But as I said, it's my theory he is unable to get anywhere with real females, which is no surprise with his unappealing looks, behavior and social status. But it's good he's at least got someone because if he's this bad even with a partner, he might be even worse if he had nobody.

What about this idea: since I think one of the reasons the creep fixated on me is because I'm not living with a husband or boyfriend, and he's never seen me with a romantic partner, he believes I'm an easy target, that he stands a better chance or something, ugh! He also doesn't have to worry about an angry guy giving him a beat down for harassing their woman. So what if this male friend (who is also my lover) and I were to be amorous in public? Unfortunately when my friend comes over which isn't often (distance and busy work/home life), the creep so far has never been around to see us together (that's the only times I wish I would encounter him!). But if he is, is it a good idea for him to see I'm 'claimed' and to back off...or would that inflame him and have the opposite effect of what I want to achieve?

That's the thing, the very UNpredictability of creeps like this and being on edge. The problem is not knowing how he'll react because I'm sure every weirdo stalker creep is different and what works with one, may/will not with another.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby seabreezeblue » Sat Jun 07, 2014 10:31 pm

Regarding his relationship.. people get together with someone due to either sexual attraction or an attraction to their mind which deepens over time into an attraction to their physical form..

i've never known someone get together with a transexual because they can't get an attractive female.. they either pay for sex or join a dating site and keep trying.. i'd say in the case of the guy you mention that he is with the person because he likes/loves/is attracted to them.


Okay; I'd say that unless your friend happens to be single and neither of you want more than friendship then it's really not a good idea.
If one of you two were to start kissing in public and one of you decided that you were attracted to each-other it could have detrimental consequences for your friendship..
of course, if you know your friend likes you and you like him then it may be a good time to make that clear to him.

I do think that if your friend could visit a bit more often and be seen around your place/building a fair bit then that might make you feel a bit more comfy.


Do you have good doorlocks and everything..? If you're worried then just get the security tightened up a bit.. an extra lock and a door-chain etc..
If your landlord agrees to it then you can also get a security camera fitted..
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby *C* » Sun Jun 08, 2014 3:59 am

Indeed, but I am speaking of 'uncompensated' sex/dating/relationship. The creep definitely could not get any attractive female unless it was paid sex/financial arrangement. He's got the wrong approach and it is a total turnoff; keep in mind with his complete lack of physical attractiveness and social rank, a guy like this has no or minimal 'margin for error'. He's does not have the looks, personality/social skills, charisma/sex appeal, power/position/fame, and/or "game", at least one of these factors which is necessary to appeal to females without having to take out his wallet. Unless a man is wealthy, paying for beautiful women on a regular or frequent basis isn't sustainable or practicle.

Anyhow, I think that creep is interested in a relationship/dating with an attractive *genuine* female and the sex that comes with it, rather than only being able to treat himself now and then to attractive escorts which is what he could afford...but once the 30 minutes or hour is up, he'd be without the (beautiful) woman and back to doing without. Which is why one can see at least with his "wife" he can have steady companionship/sex that won't break the bank for him.

It may be a cruel fact but it's a fact nevertheless: they're the kind of couple that evokes "I know why the two of them are together"...because nobody else wants them, or at best the pickings are so slim they'd have to look hard and and long to find other prospects. Some couples are together because they settled but if they had their pick of many desirable prospects, they would not be with their mate. Which is obviously the case with the creep, given the smitten and sexually eager way he's sniffing around me.

I really wouldn't care he's a weirdo or what kind of a freak he is, but the moment he decided to harass and behave in an inappropriate and what's more, *highly unprofessional* manner, his personal life and background became fair game and my business to know what I'm up against. If the creep continues down this road, he and manager risk being fired and both he and the association are opening themselves up to bad publicity with sexual harassment, negligent hiring lawsuits, etc. That's why it's important for employers/companies to screen carefully and be careful who they hire. It's one thing to give a 'second chance' but not at the expense of putting innocent unsuspecting people at risk and in danger. And if the creep wasn't thoroughly vetted, that's just as egregious to ignorantly employ someone who knows about the residents, their habits, comings and goings, etc. which they can use to commit further offenses.

Regarding that male friend of mine, as I mentioned we are also lovers. We have been both friends and lovers for 3 years. Again, unfortunately he is unable to hardly come due to his hectic, brutal workload and schedule, as well as his personal obligations. The most he has ever been able to come over to see me is 3x a month. What we have is very good and works and we will be lovers and confidantes for a long time.

As for personal security, I have gone pretty much all out. Except for cameras, but I intend to install hidden spy cams in the unit just in case the creep is able to break in. Thankfully this condo doesn't require you to give a key/code to the manager/staff, in fact they refuse it as they don't want accusations of theft and whatnot. Otherwise we know the creep would enter unnecessarily while we're gone and go through my things, he's the type of weirdo that would caress and smell his target's underwear, ugh!

We already had secure locks but due to that creep we also added an alarm and I purchased a personal alarm, switchblade, pepper spray and a firearm. Better to be safe than sorry, and better to have these things and not need them, than to need them and not have them. The policeman who registered my pistol jokingly said to me "you're gonna shoot this big gun?" To which I replied dead serious "Yes. If I have to". Indeed, I will only use it for self-defense if I'm facing imminent and unavoidable rape/attack as unlike the creep, I am not going to prison and become a felon. Despite how much he freaks me and pisses me off, I have the self-control and savvy to not mess up my life as he did his own, and may well be doing again with his borderline-criminal behavior.

I really wouldn't care how screwed up in the head he is, but how dare he drag into and involve innocent others in his sickness. The creep really needs to just stick to his male wife and leave me out of his fantasies and delusions rather than looking elsewhere. Since he's that dissatisfied with his partner to be doing this to an *uninterested* person which is really pathetic, either leave his mate or stick to giving his attention only to *willing* recipients which for him would be sex workers, instead of being a sex pest at work and trawling for opportunities on the job.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby seabreezeblue » Sun Jun 08, 2014 8:24 am

ah.. sorry, i missed the bit in brackets where you said that he's also your lover.


Good, you have decent security and the diary will be a good source of proof and events if you should ever need it.

Good luck with it all and if anything happens to worry you then please come and update this thread.. in the meantime please stay safe and be careful.

Best wishes

S.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby *C* » Tue Jun 10, 2014 2:36 am

I found out today what charges the creep was convicted for: forced entry, burglary and weapons. Spanning a period of almost 10 years, from the first charge in the early 90's, with the last in the early 2000's. Which strongly indicates he was a career criminal and committed many more crimes for which he was never caught. Generally, by the time a person becomes a felon, they have committed many bad acts but which they got away with, were never arrested for or convicted on.

I KNEW this guy was dirty and dangerous, and in a way am gratified my fears were spot-on and my gut instinct was SO accurate. I have never, ever in my life encountered or met anyone as unsettlingly creepy as this individual, alarm bells were screaming from the beginning and every time thereafter I saw and/or came in contact with him. And given that many criminals escalate their crimes, the creep would be fully capable of rape. I'm glad I decided to take action and beefed up our security and purchased all that weaponry and am trained to use the firearm, because I may very well need it.

The association/manager are out of their minds hiring this dangerous criminal if they did do a background check; and if they didn't, that's just as horrifying. To have this person in a sensitive position where he knows all about the residents' lifestyle and has access to the units since he has a past of breaking and entering. If he actually does act on his criminal urges, the association/manager are in huge trouble and they deserve every bit of it.
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Re: Freaked out by bizarre, ex-con maintenance man (long)

Postby *C* » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:07 pm

Wanted to make a correction re the "switchblade" I have; it looks like one but is actually a stiletto knife, which is fully legal here. Unlike a *certain* person, I am law-abiding and upstanding.

I've been looking over the creep's criminal past closely and from the court records and the response from the facility, on top of the forced entry, 1st degree burglary and illegal possession of a dangerous weapon charge...*other* offenses he was convicted for was giving false information, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, criminal mischief, criminal conspiracy and car theft. It's obvious this was the tip of the iceberg, since a criminal doesn't get arrested/convicted for every single crime they've committed. Great guy to hire and put the residents, their units and vehicles at huge risk from, given the nature of his highly relevant crimes :roll: :x :!:

I knew from the moment I laid eyes on this character, the alarming vibes he gave off and the way he behaved towards me, he was a complete degenerate, and now I'm vindicated with all I've discovered. He is like a reverse Dorian Gray as his thoroughly repellent nature comes through in his appearance as well as behavior, at least with females he is attracted to where he is unable to totally control himself. I do not believe at all he has turned over a new leaf and has gone straight; he is just suppressing his true depraved ways and I doubt he can keep a lid on it forever, especially seeing as in his job he has too much temptation. What happens should a beautiful woman move here *and* lives all by herself? If my mother wasn't living with me I would be even more freaked out than I already am.

The association and/or manager, whoever did the hiring of this lowlife, have a lot to answer for. I have contacted the company and am awaiting a response as to who hires the staff, and if they do a 50 state background check. It'll be interesting to see what the answer to that is, because if they claim yes, then my follow up will be, do they hire felons who have committed crimes of a relevant nature? If they answer no, they're either lying or for some unfathomable, inexcusable reason, this one slipped by. I am not going to name names or tell about my situation to them yet, only if/when I have to.

The manager has even noticed the change in my behavior and inquired if something is going on, because he noticed that lately, I've been rushing to and from the building. Indeed I have been, like a scared rabbit running across an open field. As I've mentioned, given what happened with the unlicensed contractor, we know he won't believe us if we were to spill the beans and we are not saying anything only to be disbelieved. We will do so once we have hard tangible proof or if he does something outrageous, like touching me. Then, proof or not, we will speak up about everything he's done and his propensity and capability for violence and committing crimes.
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