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I'm afraid of men.

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I'm afraid of men.

Postby cpsp4207 » Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:01 am

I am not racist or prejudice, but native american men, mexican men and black men scare me the most, then all other races fall below that. I'm afraid of all men, but if there were a mexican man and a white man standing next to each other I'd be MORE afraid of the mexican man. I know where the fears come from, but not why I'm more afraid of one than the other.
I was raped and molested by my brother (who is white, as I am) for a long period of time when I was a pre-teen. Then later I was at a party and was molested by a black man. Then later when I worked as an electrician, any time we worked on new construction there were always mexican laborers there, and, being that I was usually the only woman on the job, they frequently 'cat called' me and made lewd remarks at me, which made me incredibly nervous. Aside from that I've never had any interaction with mexican men, so I'm not sure why I am so much more afraid of them. Now that I live in a different state, and there are pretty much no mexicans, the intense fear I had of the mexicans has been replaced by the native americans, as there weren't any where I was at growing up. Again, I've actually YET to have any interaction with the indians other than seeing them at the stores and around town, but I'm insanely afraid of them.
Throughout my life I've been able to connect to a handful of men in various ways. But as I've grown older it's becoming harder and harder for me to be out in public without my husband because of the intense fear. If I'm around a male friend, I'm MUCH less anxious, and, without intending to, actually put them in a place of protecting me (with or without their knowledge). I've actually met each one of my past boyfriends (and current husband) through other friends. I've never met a strange man and just started having a conversation with him. I can actually play '6 degrees of Kevin Bacon' with each of my relationships (meaning, I met him through him, who I met through her, etc).
So that's my huge fear, and where my agoraphobia stems from.
Here's my new issue related to this.
As my husband gets older I fear he's not able to protect me as well as he could 8 years ago when we got together. He's an older guy, and doesn't work out like he used to, he's a WONDERFUL man and I'm not intending to put him down in any way, shape, or form, but I can't ignore the facts of life, and it just scares me to death- the thought of him attempting to protect me and getting hurt/killed in the process. So NOW it's getting hard for me to even go out WITH him.
He works LONG shifts, so is gone around 15 hours a day, then, of course, when he's back home he's got to sleep to do it all over again, so while he's at work I do not leave the house. But when he's home, I've started sending him on errands, which makes me feel guilty. And I've done more online shopping than I normally do, which helps because I get to stay in, but I'm paying out the you know what for shipping.
We go to the city twice a month for our grocery stock ups, but there's little things in the middle of the week I might need, and I find myself feeling more reluctant to join him on our bi-weekly trips, and I've begun asking him to do those little trips for me.
I'm even nervous walking to the mailbox because there's a lot of walkers/runners in this little town, and if I see one coming, even several blocks down the street, I tuck tail and run back in the house. Unfortunately my dog is a big marshmallow so he's no help.
So, there's my phobia. Men. You scare the crap out of me.
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Re: I'm afraid of men.

Postby jasmin » Wed Dec 01, 2010 6:02 pm

Cpsp4207, maybe getting some therapy for the abuse and harassment you went through would help get rid of this phobia. There might be rape crisis centers that specialize in that where you live.
It could be that you're more afraid of men of other races because you're less likely to interact with them daily, so it could be a "fear of the unknown" kind of situation.
I am sorry I am not on the forum as much as I used to be, if I do not reply to you quickly, please contact another moderator/supermod/admin as well.
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Re: I'm afraid of men.

Postby Fairytale » Thu Jun 30, 2011 4:18 am

Just curious, how did you meet your husband? Wasn't he a stranger to you at one point?
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