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Phobia, OCD, or What?

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Phobia, OCD, or What?

Postby Egamigal » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:56 pm

For my entire life I been dealing with a weird phobia of ripped/torn upholstery and bedding. I have found myself missing out on social interactions because of this fear, because I am afraid to be in a situation where I am faced with dealing with it. I can never sit in the booth at a restaurant, or sleep in a hotel that has tears in its bedding. Forget having to sit in a taxi that has a tear its' seat. I find myself rushing to be the first in line to find the best seat at a restaurant, and even if, the thought that the chair next to me has a rip or tear triggers me. I start getting sick to my stomach, itchy all over, and frigidity. I want to leave as soon as possible because I am holding back tears. When I was younger I would stand at the dinner table and eat, or not eat at all because of this. It used to be so bad I could not conduct conversations in the same room, because I would only focus on that chair. I have left hotel rooms, or slept in chairs or my car to avoid sleeping in a bed that has holes in the bedding. If I am forced to sit on the seat I go into full freak out mode, and I will put myself in uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe situations because It is the better way out in my unclear mind. Even if the item is patched up it still bothers me. This is especially true when they use duct tape.

There are a few things the bother me overall about it. The first is that it can be very specific. For example the issue with the ripped upholstery, is mostly for leather ( even cracked) and plastic chairs. Cloth tears, although they still bother me, they do not have the same effect as the former. The second issue is that as soon as I am out of the situation it is like it never happened in the first place. In the moment I want to walk out of the room taking every piece of clothing off on the way, but once I am out of the danger zone a minute later I am okay. Thirdly is the fact that I find myself hiding this fear. Many of my friends don't know, and my family especially. The only person that knows is my boyfriend. Lastly the major issue I have is that it is messing with the things I love to do which are eating and travelling.

As far as I remember, there is nothing that would trigger this fear like this, but I do know I have had it all my life. I would just like to know what to call it for once so I can at least explain it to my family who just thinks I weird, and still makes jokes to this day about it.
Egamigal
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