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Fear of authorities

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Fear of authorities

Postby Moonie » Wed Oct 01, 2014 10:33 am

I'm not sure if it's really 'fear' I'm feeling, but every time I face any figures that is authoritative to me, I have to force my words out with them (even so, I'm mostly silent) and I can't seem to maintain eye contact with them. I get this huge urge to get out of the situation, to claw my way out. Literally. I don't know if this should go under self-harm or something, but I would start to claw at myself while facing these figures, like really hard. The pain seems to anchor me down. Today's was pretty bad, cos I had a strong urge to actually cut real bad. I managed to quell down that urge (I have never cut myself before anyway, besides that one time on my hand) but ended up leaving many red nail marks on my hand and arm throughout, and even after facing the authority. I'd prefer to avoid the problem but well... Looking at my hand, maybe I should start addressing it. Soon.

Maybe I digressed a little, but my main point is, is this is a form of fear of authorities? I mean, I don't get panic attacks or anything when facing authority (I do dread facing them though).

Has anyone ever had a fear of authorities? Care to share your experience? :?

P.S. The clawing thing only happens in these kind of situations so I"m not a habitual self-harmer.
...but hopefully healing
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