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I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

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I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

Postby Roseredpinball » Fri Apr 17, 2020 8:34 am

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, I wasn't really sure where else it would fit and technically I have been diagnosed with social anxiety. Anyway, today my issue is that I don't get myself at all. I'm a walking contradiction. On the one hand, I'm terrified of winding up old and alone, on the other I tend to avoid human interaction and be extremely introverted. It's like I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the actual effort of talking to them regularly and spending time with them to maintain the friendship. I want to hang out and have fun with others, but I also hate the idea of giving up any of my precious alone time. I want to have deep, meaningful relationships with people that I go to with my problems and open up to. But every time I open up to someone, reveal something embarrassing or personal about myself or express any kind of vulnerability/weakness, I wind up kicking myself for saying/doing something so humiliating. I get lonely and wish to get in contact with some of my old friends, but always wind up avoiding doing so for fear that they will see me as clingy or weird. I get these thoughts stuck in my head like "What would I even say to them? Hi, I missed you? Who just goes up to someone they haven't spoken to in a long time and says that they've missed them and wanna rekindle their friendship? No, I can't do that, they'll think I'm weird!"

What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Does anyone else feel this way? And how can I change?
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Re: I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

Postby Dwaynne » Thu May 14, 2020 10:52 pm

Try Facebook and the like.
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Re: I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

Postby BelleCat » Sun May 17, 2020 6:51 am

I understand what you mean.But what would you think if they tried to rekindle your friendship?Would you think they are weird?I am sure that you wouldn't. But I don't think people really care about your actions as long as you are a good friend.Also,overthinking is worse than actually making mistakes.Because once you start overthinking you are not fully present so you are more likely to do the things you are trying to avoid doing.So just stop overthinking and do the action and don't worry about the rest,because of course,they'll be more than happy to spend time with you again.I know it's hard to stop overthinking,for I overthink a lot as well,but I have stopped overthinking about myself(I used to do that a lot).But believe me,there has been a reason you have became friends in the first place!
Also,try meditation and try to be more positive.
Dwaynne wrote:Try Facebook and the like.

There are lots of people that want to make friends just like you do.Sorry if my English is not the best.
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Re: I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

Postby Dwaynne » Mon May 18, 2020 2:24 pm

TBH Bellecat ( nice name)

I was being sarcastic, I regard Facebook and Snapchat as meat feasts, I definitely would not go there, have not so far, the Gang Stalking all the social media I need within my life.

Take care,,
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Re: I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

Postby Snaga » Mon May 18, 2020 11:12 pm

Dwaynne wrote:TBH Bellecat ( nice name)

I was being sarcastic, I regard Facebook and Snapchat as meat feasts, I definitely would not go there, have not so far, the Gang Stalking all the social media I need within my life.

Take care,,


I took it seriously when you suggested it... please refrain from suggesting things in jest, or sarcasm, outside of maybe JFF where people are kidding around, thanks. Folks will in the help forums, often take what we say, quite literally. There's a place for joshing around a little in JFF, but not really here.

Back to 'meat feasts'.. I suppose there is a lot of that on social media; I wouldn't know. If I don't know you personally, you're not getting on any accounts I might have. When I get the requests from these little Selfie cuties that feed off lust and admiration of others, I say to myself 'oh that's nice' and delete the requests without a second thought. Meat feasts, indeed- not a bad term for it.

Back to the OP, I can be quite the loner, but when you get tired enough of alone time, then you'll change- I did. I can often be seen as odd, or awkward, but things seem to work out, and you find yourself around people that accept you.. or put up with you, as the case may be- I certainly often feel as if that's what applies in my case- as you are. I don't have many friends, but the few I have, like me.
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Re: I want to have friends but I don't want to put in the effort

Postby Dwaynne » Tue May 19, 2020 12:53 am

O.K Thank you for your open account I apologize for my tone ( I've encountered that sort of $#%^ attitude for 18 months now dipping my foot into the world of mental health forums) as like you before 18 months ago I never even gave a $#%^ about social media Facebook and the like, it's just an entanglement I've been caught up with that's all.

Before I encountered team London, clay impact or Shane Gibbs was quite happy getting ###$ in other people front living rooms with Ed China on the box, now Oh God now, I'm aware of all this $#%^, and what sick $#%^ it is, sorry it makes COVID look just and non-fiction.
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