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No social skills and lost the ability to communicate

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No social skills and lost the ability to communicate

Postby AnalogueAnimal » Fri Feb 16, 2018 11:04 pm

I will try to keep this short as possible but I would really like some help as this problem is affecting my life a lot.

I had a happy childhood, I was never bullied, parents took good care of me, I was pretty popular in school and college. I had plenty of friends even though I was a bit shy (mostly shy talking to girls). When I first joined an internship, I felt socially anxious - I think it was because I had no knowledge on what to do, how to work and I was pretty bad at my job. I feared of people thinking bad of me. I hardly spoke with anyone and the HR and the whole company used to talk about how much of a social recluse I was. I later joined another job and I decided to change - I was the most liked, hard working employee there. I don't have trouble talking to strangers, in fact, I would speak to strangers I met in the taxi, in the bus and made them feel comfortable enough to share their day, their problems with me.

I moved abroad last year to study my master's degree. In the first week, I was confident, I spoke with everyone in the campus but I after couple of weeks, I noticed everyone used to hang out, go out together and the friends I made never invited me anywhere. I tried to make the first move but they would always say "I have other plans" or "busy". I started to feel lonely and when I did hang out with people, I felt like I suddenly lost the ability to communicate. I just didn't know what to talk. I was too formal with them and that must have made them uncomfortable. I started to just sit in my room most of the time and drink alcohol. I mostly just met my gf twice or thrice a week. Even with her, I felt like "what do I talk, what's the next topic". I started to drink before I met with friends so I can talk better.

6 months passed, I went back home to holidays and I was alive again - I met all my friends and I couldn't believe how I can talk freely, crack lot of jokes but here, I feel like I am a boring person. I just don't know how to establish a connection with new people, become best friends. I don't think I value myself. I also feel like I don't have anything to talk about because I don't go out anymore, I don't have hobbies, nobody shares gossip with me. Every time I go out of my room, I need to think what to talk about with my the people who live in my apartment. I don't know since when I started having this problem of "what should I talk about" but it won't go away now. It exhausts me and I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel depressed about being alone in my room but I don't want to get used to this so I decided to get a roommate (he will be moving in with me soon) and I feel anxious.. What if he thinks I'm socially awkward. I feel like I lack social skills and I am afraid of not making any good friends.
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Re: No social skills and lost the ability to communicate

Postby Neiler » Sat Mar 31, 2018 1:06 am

Sounds like selective/elective mutism as i have said in another thread.

I keep telling myself i dont like people and dont like going out when I know it isn't true.

I have always though i have suffered from social anxiety disorder but never realised why it made me so anti-social. I never understood why people enjoyed going out and socialising and felt strange that I didn't.

In reality i can be quite articulate and enjoy talking to people who I am comfortable around, such as friends and family. It is just people I dont know or who intimidate me who make me nervous and I find difficult to "make conversation".

I have always struggled to explain to people how i feel but reading the wiki article about "selective mutism" was like a revelation to me. And in a way it is kind of comforting to know others feel the same and I am not some kind of "freak".

-- Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:15 am --

But on the upside, I think once you get to know your roommate you will get along fine unless you have conflicting personalities. I have recently started living in a share house after living by myself for about 20 years. It was difficult at first but try to relax and you might find another friend.
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