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People naturally dislike me.

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People naturally dislike me.

Postby ReDiculous » Sat Jul 23, 2016 11:45 pm

Iv'e had this problem for as long as I can remember. Even as a child, people always treated me different. As If I wasn't a human. Its happened so long, ive' gotten extreme social anxieties where I cant even make complete sentences, and break down when even attempting to speak to someone I dont already know unless i'm in an extremely comfortable setting, or very tired.

I really don't know why, i'm not ugly, well, not TOO ugly. I look pretty average, I shower everyday, I shave, I take care of myself. The only noticeable weird thing I do is have long hair...that's it.
People just treat me as if i'm some alien. Even babies and small children are instantly scared of me. Mothers hold their children away from me as if I'm a murderer, customers when i'm at work always ignore me and ask my coworkers for help. People look at me as if i'm crazy. People stare at me. Im an outcast. Everyone I meet treats me like i'm retarded, or special needs. Also if im about to stab them or something. This happens everywhere, at the store, at my job, walking down the street, in the mall. Why, why is my life like this? Are people born to be hated? I can't stand it anymore.
Help, please.

Im sorry if this post isnt in the right section, im just looking for help, or at the least someone with similar experiences.
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby Kivulitaronyu » Tue Jul 26, 2016 2:06 pm

Hello ReDiculous :) and welcome to the forums!
I too have severe social anxiety and I have experienced weird stuff as well... people laughing at me when passing by and such.
Do you know about the idea of transference and countertransference? It's a psychological concept which claims that we all unconsciously, through our body language, facial (micro-)expressions and behavior convey to other people around us how we think about ourselves and how we expect others to be and react to us.
I know the feeling of being an outcast, not being "human", being rejected by everyone. Feeling that I will never belong to anyone or to any group, that I will never be a worthy and fully valid and welcome member of a group.
When I have to socialise into a new group, I never approach people, I don't look at them, I don't show emotions. This is due to my fear but others are noticing the signals. To them, it means I'm uninterested and maybe even asocial. :| When I finally got used to the "new" people and my fear lessens a bit, they have already dpereciated me, because I was behaving "weird" in the beginning.
As you still seem to be in a phase of finding out what might be wrong, maybe you want to check out the Avoidant Personality Disorder Forum as well: avoidant-personality/
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby clydedenver » Sat Jul 30, 2016 3:03 am

Your low self-esteem disposes you to such thoughts. I don't doubt that some of these things have happened to you - they have to me, too. But our low self-esteem blows these out of proportion of misinterprets them.

People are reacting to your nervous energy most likely. You don't want to give off a nervous energy or try to, but it happens. People respond accordingly. I have been able to change this to an extent about myself. When I am more comfortable and loose with myself, others respond accordingly. But if I'm tense, they will usually tense up, too.
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance. ~Hanlon's Razor abbr.

If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music. ~Gustav Mahler

Short summary of my life: http://www.psychforums.com/avoidant-personality/topic56407.html
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby lagan » Thu Oct 27, 2016 2:45 am

As a sufferer of social phobia, I too tend to notice certain behaviours in people [not so much babies but give it time, teehee.] The problem is, I attribute a reason as to why they behaved that way, and the reason always makes it out to be a personal attack on me. A personal attack. :) And yet, they don't know me from a bar of soap. Can you see how lopsided this all is regarding human behaviours and the mind? So, the best thing I can do is to let it go. Yes, I have a problem with people but I must let it go. Because I don't wish to suffer all the time.
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby lilyanne11 » Thu Nov 10, 2016 1:31 am

I feel like this too, I think we must send out micro expressions or bad body language. I think it is because i am shy and try to avoid or cut short any social interactions that I come off as rude or arrogant when in reality I am just really uncomfortable speaking to anyone new. I don't know how to combat this and every social encounter i analyse and think i have said something weird or stupid.
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby thelivinghell92 » Fri Dec 20, 2019 3:42 am

I find most people look at me with a wariness, like they think somethings just not quite right. It really hurts me every time it happens and I have never been able to get over it. I also found like others here that on the rare occasion when I do actually feel comfortable in my own skin (usually when I'm drunk!), people actually respond much more positively towards me. I just wish there was a way for me to feel the confidence I do when I'm drunk without having to become an alcoholic!

This is a bit like the expression I get:
Image
Image
Image
The girl on the left lol
I have - High functioning autism, OCD (episodic), social anxiety and depersonalization/derealization disorder

Expect I may have - Avoidant/schizoid personality disorder or traits
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby Medicination » Tue Apr 14, 2020 3:48 pm

As long as you're not stepping on their toes or hurting them, then it is okay if some people dislike you. You cannot please everybody. Just focus on the good side of you and eventually they will like you.
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Re: People naturally dislike me.

Postby Morseer » Sat Jul 11, 2020 6:26 am

I think Kivulitaronyu hit the nail on the head. The only reason random strangers would take a dislike to another random stranger is that they see something that triggers them in the stranger's face. Everybody is the same in this respect. We ALL go around noticing other people. It's habitual and a completely natural and normal instinct of human beings. And this habit is always accompanied by another habit, namely, assessing those people whom we notice.

You might not like to think that is so, but it is. In fact, it's the fundamental driver of paranoia. Because if there was no such thing, then nobody could ever have a basis for becoming paranoid!

So, other people are always noticing us, just as we are always noticing other people. And other people are always assessing us, just as we are always assessing other people. The OP's comments about how people treat him are positive proof that he is doing just that. Because he talks about people looking at him as if he's crazy, or a retard, or about to stab them. For him to be able to describe those facial expressions, he must have assessed the people making them.

So he's seeing something in peoples' faces that make him believe they think he's crazy etc. But, he isn't crazy. So, what is he seeing?

Obviously, he himself is wearing a facial expression that triggers other people to form those beliefs. What he's seeing is their reactions to what they are seeing in his face, (or what they think they are seeing). Nothing more.

To solve his problem, he just needs to do some self-examination, and discover what facial expression he habitually wears, and why he wears it.
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