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The Battle for Mental Independence

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The Battle for Mental Independence

Postby Daedrik_Wolf » Mon Dec 03, 2012 3:18 am

I'm 18 years old and I feel as if I can't function correctly without pot, mentally; of course. Weed seems to calm down the orchestrator in my brain and allows me to focus with a sense of serenity. Everyone I tell this to is like BULL****, WEED MAKES YOU STUPID DUMMY!!,

Well there are two factors that come into play. One, I'm a natural academic, honor rolled it through elementary, middle and high school and my first three terms at College. 2, its impossible for weed to give everyone the "same high" or "same effect" when comparing effects of weed on 2 or more individuals. So how does weed help me focus? The natural, sober me is very ADD'D out to all hell. I can not think straight for the life of me. I forget to do daily chores, and overall I do not feel good.

But when I inhale that SWEET THC, all is cool again. My Thoughts are slowed to the level of my breathing. And that one song EVERYONE KNOWS plays in the back of my head, that one girl with the really pretty voice "Breeeaaaattthhhee , juuuuuuuuust breeeeeeeeeeeaathee, OOOooooohhhh Breeeaathhhhhe" lol ANYWAYS

My only problem is I do not feel like I am mentally independent. My older brother notices it too. He tells me I should just quit when that dude has SIX BRICKS OF SHWAG IN THE FREAKIN FREEZER!!..He is always high so I don't really listen to him, he doesn't even blaze me out eh. Both of my parents died on me when I was twelve, so I was the prime candidate to become a pothead at the age of 14, now I am 18.... the first two years was intense thc ALL THE TIME!!!! then I was sober for 6 months, the worst six months of my life(Gained alot of so called mental independance tho). and now due to extenuating stressors I have relapsed hard into the unforgiving circle. I honestly don't know how I survived without weed before I smoked it. Is that a mellow dramatic statement?

For **** SAKE!!! I have a math final tomorrow and I have been out of weed for a week!!! and I am writing this instead of studying OMG :shock:

I have been to a damn psyciatrist. Put me on adderal, then on Vyvanse, those pills made me feel like I was dying by the end of the day. currently on xanax, planning on selling those onto the black market cuz im super hungry. FOR THOSE OF YOU who want to tell me to get a job **** off, I have scoliosis and can not do most general labor. that is why im going to school :|

I NEED HELP!!!! OR MORE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED :cry:
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Re: The Battle for Mental Independence

Postby Ada » Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:51 pm

How did your math final go?

I honestly don't know how I survived without weed before I smoked it. Is that a mellow dramatic statement?

A little. It's understandable though. You got through a really tough situation the best way you could. Losing parents at any age stinks. But so young! That's plain crappy.

Mental independence is a good goal to have. Being able to choose to smoke, rather than having to in order to function. The ADD'd out feeling might be withdrawal symptoms rather than a natural problem of its own. I'd suggest going looking for alternatives to weed. Which could be music, meditation, some form of exercise that doesn't mess with your scoliosis or milder drugs [perhaps even herbal herbs, rather than "herb".] Nothing's going to have the SAME effect. But what might be good is to find several approaches that help a little. And in combination they lets you reclaim your brain permanently.

A therapist [rather than a psych] might also be helpful, if you can access one through college. Weed is a way to damp down emotional pain and negative feelings of all sorts. You'll find it much harder to taper off and stop if anything like that is pushing back against you. A therapist can help you tackle that side of the equation and keep your balance without weed.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
Ada
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Re: The Battle for Mental Independence

Postby Daedrik_Wolf » Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:08 am

[quote="Ada"]How did your math final go?

Well, because of extenuating circumstances and ME, Im going to need to take a lil turn in my life.
It wasnt only the weed drought that was causing me trouble but it was one of the main factors though. My mothers sister has been paying for my school ever since I lost my financial aid because I couldnt handle school homeless. But once she finds out I havent passed two of my classes, she isnt going to pay.

Hopefully I can get a job so I can get some payment plans for atleast 2 or 3 classes. I have an interview and I didnt even have to follow up for it. Its a New Restaraunt Opening. So Im sure Ill have a job and ill be able to afford the necesities........ the only way this is possible is if I stop smoking weed....the drug tests.

Honestly the situation that im in?....I havent eaten in 5 days, screw the scoliosis this is survival. Ill fuking work through the pain. but what about the weed?.....I need this $#%^....it makes me feel comforted like....(I have this vivid memory of my mother playfully giving butterfly kisses and kinda just talkin to me like a baby ya know). I miss my mother.. but I cant just sit here and complain that I dont have weed. I need to fukn get up and do something. I need to start following up all my online applications . I need to grow up already.....

I gotta make my mother proud..
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