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What kind of psycopath am I?

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What kind of psycopath am I?

Postby WanderingVoid » Thu Jan 21, 2016 7:25 pm

I am unsure. While I have no desire to kill. I have corrupt thoughts daily. I blend in easily to the relatively benign population accepts the quirky me that I decide to show.

My father was a lawyer. My parents were always wondering what was wrong with me . I constantly search google to look for my purpose. But too many generalizations and bitter women to really get an understanding of what I am. A grey area path of some sort is what I am.

It bugs me constantly that I have to pretend to blend amongst the sheep. I wish to find a partner. Someone who completes me. Someone I can open up too. I have no desire at all to hurt anyone physically. But power is what I crave. Because it is the only thing I can feel.

It is sad that even now I shed tears not because I feel but how I know I'm supposed to.

My mother cares for me like a mother should. My father the same.

It burns me that I cannot fathom why I can't reciprocate that same.

But as a child , I was troubled. Causing trouble is what I did.

The many talks with my father as I mislead him , despite the devious deeds I did. I had fun. And learned how to read people.

I can see the emotions in a person's eyes. I can deflect, reflect, absorb and place emotions.

I mostly have relations for energy and comfort.

I love kids. Could never hurt one. I have a neice and nephew. They mean the world to me.

I can't have kids. I have kleinfelters syndrome.

While decently well endowed for someone with this disease I know I am rarity for that specific feature.

My testicles are small but the disease affects my gene pool. So in my youth of trying to impregnate women on purpose did not prove fruitful. My age does not reflect my complexion.

I am over me not be able to conceive. Perhaps later in life I will adopt. I figured when I was born that it was not in my destiny to give birth to anything. And I choose to not be a bitter path and take life cause I can not feel it. It's a petty decision. But I will draw life in increments and in a non-evasive way to a end until I can be complete.

Emotional vampire? Perhaps. But I have other functions.

Why do I have fantasies of rape? I have never raped. I choose to get the consent of my mate so I can then perform my impulses within the confines of the law.

I have naughty pedophillia thoughts. Why? I love kids. I have devised of way of having consentual sex within the law . So I "date" women of age and pierce the window to find the damaged soul within their bodies to absorb the childhood I never had.

I have been diagnosed all my life. Depression, bipolar, schitzo bipolar, the latest diagnosis was bpd.

I don't have the greatest job. I'm work menial labor. I love what I do.

I work around lots of people. It keeps my head and mind busy . I have to smoke marijuana heavily but I live in a state where it is legal. Me and alchohol are no longer friends.

It is the only time i can be myself in my head.

I have a best friend. Who has a girlfriend. She is gorgeous and everything I want but I need friends. And even though her essence is so delicious I am learning control.

I need sustenance.

I am monster. I don't want to be but those are the cards that I was dealt. I'm a monster. Who has monster thoughts. Not living a monster life. But I refuse suicide as an escape.

The system wants to cage and imprision those they do not understand.

As tears roll down my face as I write this article.

You don't seek to fix. You seek to contain and control.

We are not your pets.
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