Looking for direction

My wife and I have had a rough relationship. I am gone a lot for work, and she does not trust me.
We occasionally have sex, but it’s always the same, and I don’t know if she even enjoys it.
Any attempt to talk about it it muted by her.
I crave sex a lot, and have been resorting to porn to get what I need. It feels very unfulfilling and time wasting to me though, and is a downer for my self worth, because I could be giving a woman pleasure too. We have kids, so I don’t want to threaten our family for selfish reasons, and have not been plying the field at all. But I dream about it, or about having a sex friend, to explore that part of me. I’m growing older and only live once.
Maybe if prostitution was legal here, I could do that, and not risk falling in love and threaten my family