Bisexual or not?

Dear readers. I'm sure this is the one hundred and eleventh thousand post on this subject but I've entered a very confusing part of my life. First off to start I'm grateful for anyone who reads this let alone reply. I know there are a lot of deatils here but I figured context is important to understand even a bit of what's really going on. And second I never imagined coming to a forum for help since I'm used to solving my problems myself. So my problem is I've always thought I was heterosexual since I've been sexually attracted to girls however I've never had a romantic attraction to any of them. Hell I've never even had fantasies about them in any way other than sexual ( no romantic intimacy at all). No matter how cute or sexy they were when we kissed it felt strange and mechanical. I never actually enjoyed the experiences. Maybe I need a emotional connection or maybe Its something else but early this year I felt myself leaning further and further away from women physically and sexually. And like a switch that was flipped without my knowledge I started staring at guys, checking them out, fantasizing about them. It's all so strange. I've never saw myself bringing a girl to meet my family, nor have I desired it...yet with guys I've had fantasies bringing a guy home and more intimate and sexual fantasies with them. Constantly looking at their eyes and their lips and their butts. Similar to how I looked at girls but with the romantic aspects as well. These past ten months or so have been wild. I even find guys more attractive than girls which is mind boggling since that's a crazy transition in such a short amount of time for me. I've always been a very open person sexually and intellectually but I never assumed I would be where I am right now. I was obsessed with anal play and experimented with myself anally since I was in elementary and junior high, and started prostate play when I got in my twenties. I have watched both porn (hetero and gay) and to be honest neither does it for me, they just look like people pushing their bodies against each other and making strange noises (but when I was younger I was addicted to hetero porn). Interestingly enough my first sexual experience was when I was somewhere between four and six years old and it was with a boy (my friend and classmate) we got caught playing with each other in the closet (no pun intended). It was probably my idea to do it too. I remember constantly repressing that particular memory every time something would trigger it to appear. I even recall the conflicted feeling I would have when I'd have to tell certain people who questioned my orientation that "I'm attracted to girls". All these memories and details started coming back to me this year as I struggled with my sex orientation. I don't think I'm gay because I'm turned on by women (certain women of course), but I don't know if I'm bisexual because I haven't even kissed a guy despite my desires/fantasies. I definitely have a type with guys just like with women but it feels different...I don't know how to explain it. I guess if I could describe it, it would be..."women I can play with, but guys I can be with"? I'll leave it at that for now, I think I've overloaded your brain cells enough with all these ramblings and details. I've posted this on other forums as well to see if anyone out there can give me some sound perspectives.

Well this is an interesting post.

I'm of the belief that by 14 or 15, guys know what they are- could be you were kinda hiding it from yourself, however.

I'm bisexual, male(ish). I started the anal exploration when I was 11 or 12, so we have that sort of in common.

Bisexual is a big umbrella. A person can like one sex one way, the other sex a different way- it's like a jigsaw puzzle, and I suspect they're rather like fingerprints- no two people that identify as Bisexual probably experience their attractions in quite the same way. I'm romantically more attracted to girls- with exceptions. I'm more excited by the thought of same-sex acts, than opposite sex. I check out girls in public, and never men- not that I'm afraid to, I just never think to do it, and only infrequently check men out. However, the naked male body interests me at least as much as the naked female body, if not more. But clothed girls interest me more than clothed men. How messed up is that? But it is, what it is. Aesthetically, I think the nude female form is prettier but again, the libido wants what it wants.

And my experience with how it all fits together isn't yours, and yours isn't another bisexual's.

I have OCD- which means I obsess, and for a long time I'd go back and forth- Gay, Straight, Gay, Straight. I live a mostly heterosexual existence, but find myself very homosexually centered. I had to just sit down and mentally tick off the two columns, and I can only say I'm bisexual based on the evidences. I think that's all a person can do.

Have you taken any kind of halfway serious orientation self-tests? There used to be an excellent one up, the Flexuality Test, but unfortunately it uses Flash and since the end of last year all modern browsers block it, and it's no longer supported by Adobe, as obsolete (as well as full of security holes).

Do a search for tests based on the Kinsey scale- it's a little one-dimensional, but it usually averages me out pretty good. One based on the Klein is even better, it's a little more multi-dimensional.

Here's a Klein based checklist in PDF format
http://www.drmimihoang.com/uploads/3/1/ ... mhoang.pdf

And here's another test
https://psycho-tests.com/test/sexual-orientation-test

I took it real quick and well they were aiming for the last six months- I did for my adult life, I presume 'last 6 months' is aimed at younger people. I'm pretty old.

https://images2.imgbox.com/c8/a1/ebIyQDG4_o.png

I came out 58% Hetero and 79% Homo out of scales 0-100% in each direction, on a vector map which plants me in the Bisexual quadrant. Nothing I didn't already know, but it matches me close enough.

Snaga


I appreciate your reply and insights. Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my thesis lol. I have checked out your links and took the tests. Of course I understand it's not meant to be taken as the scientific gospel, but it was interesting findings. I came out more 67% homosexual and about 27% hetero. Of course that's probably because it's judging the bulk of my responses on the last 6 months. The checklist I did but I don't see a way of calculating everything into medium and then see where you stand. If I remember correctly the Kinsey scale I checked about a month ago and I measured either 3 or a 2 on it. I see what you mean about the jigsaw thing. It really feels like I've been slowly fitting the pieces together sometimes clumsily and sometimes expertly, and I'm getting a clearer picture of what I am, and yes there alot of nuances that makes every bisexual and their experiences different like you said so hearing a bit about your story does help. As you say I think have been hiding it from myself. I don't know why though. I kept repressing certain memories that indicated it and got defensive when questioned or even when people were actively trying to figure out my orientation. Question, when did you first realized you were romantically attracted to both genders?

yes, that Klein paper I think just helps you to see where you are at a glance, rather than reduces it to a score. The best one I ever saw was that Flexuality.

https://flexuality.wordpress.com/take-the-test/

But you've got to have outdated plugins to run the test. I wish they'd update it.

If I'm not mistaken, 3 is pretty close to the middle on the Kinsey, yes? That's about where I come out on most Kinsey-based tests. The middle.

Maverick007 wrote:As you say I think have been hiding it from myself. I don't know why though. I kept repressing certain memories that indicated it and got defensive when questioned or even when people were actively trying to figure out my orientation.

I can look back before it really hit me, and see where I had tendencies- that is to say, if I saw the 9 or 10 year old me though this old man's eyes, I'd be thinking: 'That boy just might be gay.' I'm simultaneously the straightest gay guy I know and the gayest straight guy I know.

So, if memories of things come back, that you would think 'gay kid' in anyone else... or yourself if you could see yourself at that age... then that might be a good indication of something.

I don't really consider childhood experimentation telling- I'm sure a lot of boys casually mess around, as you did (and as I did) and I think most boys grow out of it as soon as the hormones really kick in and GIRLS!!. I noticed girls just like the other boys, but still.. I didn't grow out of being fascinated with messing with boys, either.

So, looking back I could see the tendencies. But I didn't connect it with 'gay' until I was 12 or 13 and a pederast began to groom me- it didn't get 'all the way' but there was a lot of his hand down my pants- one day after the whole thing kinda blew up (he came around when I had a friend over and it 'broke the spell', so to speak) in his face, well- suddenly I realised (I can't tell you what I felt while he was molesting me, as far as I remember I just felt blank) that he wanted Sex, and Sex with him was an option, and Sex with him was what I wanted. I tracked him down but chickened out and took off. But ever since then, I knew I was different. I think I was already different, but I didn't know it. I still liked girls, still said I was straight- thought I was and just would ignore the fact I was also thinking about cock, or make excuses for myself in my head. But nope, it's stuck with me. My first dirty magazine (long before the Internet) was a girly mag. And the next. and the next... and then I dared to buy a gay mag. And then discovered a bisexual publication that wasn't photos so much as just stories and articles and reader letters- and ate those stories up like candy.

Meh. Is what it is.

I was fortunate my encounters with girls & boys were consensual. Even a few encounters with family friends ( women ) were not damaging. I look back & never feel like a victim. I do keep my sex life private. Twice I was revealed ( once by a Therapist to another patient ! ) But so far I havenot experienced any lasting anguish or mental stress

My Bisexuality became more pronounced going to Nude Beach. I found myself attracted to certain Men I noticed or who approached me. I was very carefully about partners and it has paid off so far.

Going to a nude beach is on my bucket list but I don't live near any beaches. My wife would never consider going to a nude beach so there's a good chance it will never happen. I'm not even sure where there are nude beaches. I think there's one near Miami (?).
Like you mentioned, my BiCuriosity is what is probably the strongest reason for wanting to go to one. I want to see men naked ( and women, too).
I really have no interest in men with clothes on. It's their genitals I'm most interested in.
I'm curious about what the behavior is at a nude beach. I would love to know what to expect if I ever get the opportunity to visit one.
I'm not really sure if I am bisexual but I am somewhat obsessed with the idea of exploring a man's body.

21cDiogenes wrote:I'm curious about what the behavior is at a nude beach. I would love to know what to expect if I ever get the opportunity to visit one.

That was also on my bucket list. I've been to one- Orient Beach, on St. Martin. It's on the French side, and is mostly topless- or at least was about fifteen years ago, save for the southern end that is part of a nudist resort. All beach is public access by law, so it is easy enough to get dropped off by taxi near the part behind the nudist resort and just walk onto the clothing-optional part of beach and get nekkid.

The behavior didn't seem much different from any other beach, save that folks were a little more talky with each other- but then, it wasn't until later I discovered we were at what rumor says is the 'swinger' hangout area. But you could also put the extra sociability down to a tight knit group of people with an uncommon interest, and most of them probably staying at the resort It wasn't a crowded section of beach. We chatted with those staked on on the beach close to us, just small talk. There was a beach bar to get drinks from. Be sure you take a towel to sit on, that's standard Nudist etiquette everywhere.

Like you, I'm more interested in naked men than clothed, but honestly I didn't pay much attention to anyone's body, male or female. It's going to be impolite to stare, that's definitely bad nudist etiquette from all the stuff I read on the subject before planning that beach visit- and the whole experience is going to feel surreal. You're naked, everyone's naked, it's outdoors in the wide-ass open, not like a locker room or anything like that, and it's co-ed with every assortment of Humanity there. It was different, that's for sure. Mind you, something I'd do again, but it's surreal the first time.

Thanks for sharing, Snaga.

I mentioned I was interested in seeing others naked but I'm also just as interested in Being naked in the great outdoors and with other people. I'm also a bit of an exhibitionist and prone to risky behavior. I've had to work hard (no pun intended) at exercising self control to keep myself from getting in trouble. As far as staring; I've had trouble with that even without people being naked so it might be a challenge at a nude beach!

There are several nudist camps within an hour or two drive from where I live. One is family oriented with all ages, which I would be fine with if my wife was with me, but I think I would feel out of place going by myself. There are a couple of gay "clothing optional resorts" but they seem to be more like sex resorts with theme parties, drag shows and "play areas" featuring glory holes, slings and xxx TVs. This is NOT what I'm looking for!

My interest in men is more like an adult version of child-like curiosity. I'm not so much curious about women's bodies as I've explored a number of them and found an awful lot to like. But men's genitals are like forbidden fruit (and having said that, it seems like an interesting analogy)!

To address the question posed in the this thread, "Bisexual or not?". I'm not Bisexual. I'm just sexual.

Again, glad to have this platform to be able let things out!

21cDiogenes wrote:One is family oriented with all ages, which I would be fine with if my wife was with me, but I think I would feel out of place going by myself.

There's no amount of money you could pay me to be naked around naked children. I can think of places like that, too- and just, oh hell no. I don't even agree with kiddos being raised like that. I mean I'm not condemning it, but just leave me out of that. 'So... Bobby, have you ever seen a grown man naked?' makes for a good laugh, but yeah hell to the no.

Also, a lot of places- not all- but I think if you actually look into websites and rules and such, you'll find that a lot of places seriously discourage, if not outright prohibit, single males. A family friendly place like that, it's more than likely not going to be 'if my wife went it'd be fine' and more like, you'd freaking better have a woman in tow or you ain't getting in. I can think of some places like that- and I've been (on business) at the gatehouse of one resort, and I could hear on the base station security chasing down some fellas that had hoodooed their way in. Yeah. It's always been my understanding that places that do allow unaccompanied males are more the exception, than the rule.

As for the other, yeah there's places like that I can think of- men only, with plenty of expectation there'll be play going on. One thing to fantasize about it, but I don't know if I could ever do that even single.

Have you heard of- and Lord forgive me for being the snake selling the apple- Jacks? Philly Jacks, Atlanta Jacks are two clubs that come to mind. J/O clubs that have rules against anything that could be infectious, to be frank. No lips below the hips, no penetration. Just men giving each other a hand. That seems like about as safe a way to satisfy curiosity, as you can hope for. Certainly less anarchic than a men-only nudist campground, and for sure safer than anonymous hookups. Were I to find myself single, that's something I'd give consideration to. Prolly wouldn't do it, but I'd give it a think.