Wanting help with my sexuality

What's scary about it? You like it and want it- I understand there's aspects to it that give a person pause, but the thing itself should feel thrilling that you want what you want.

I'm still confused as to why there's fear associated with this. I mean, yes there are fears, I've had them. But they were centered around fearing to act on them because of other things associate with it. Fears of being found out; or STDs. That kind of thing.

Not to say I didn't (and still) have angst over not just being straight. I'm straight enough to wish I wasn't anything else. But angst isn't necessarily fear. I just want to know exactly what you mean by 'fear'. Anxiety? What level of anxiety? Is this a terror? Or more like 'crap I wish I wasn't this way'.

And angst or not- there's a desire, is there not? Part of you wants it, and wants it bad, yes?

Kaleb28 wrote:I can't figure out how to quote

You can either highlight some text in your reply, and use the Quote button...

or you can scroll down to the Topic Review, below the panel you're writing your reply, highlight the text in someone's post you wish to quote, then hit that Quote button that's in the past message, and it will automatically insert it, and add the author's name to it- which is how I quoted you.

Like such:

Kaleb28 wrote:when I see an attractive guy I freak out for whatever reason

That freaking out sounds like OCD to me, but them I'm biased towards folks posting to OCD having an unreasonable fear of something and not generally being that thing.

Indeed, the only reason I'm entertaining the notion, to be blunt, is that you said this began around 14. I'm personally willing to entertain male sexuality being malleable at that age. I began to realise my bisexuality a year or two before that. The empirical evidence I've read about is that while it might be fixed at birth, male sexuality is definitely known- via research- to be fixed no later than 15. by virtue of those were the youngest test subjects of the researcher I've read about. The sexologist- his name escapes me atm- believed it was from birth, but that isn't proven by his research- only that by fifteen it's definitely fixed. personally, I think it's going to be a combination of a person's brain and environment, and it's going to be somewhere between birth and 14 or 15 that a male's sexuality is locked in.

that's based on my light reading, and my own personal experience. I didn't think much of same-sex fun and games before I was groomed at 12 or 13 years old. Then it was like a switch was turned on in my head. Although before that age I'd had rather mundane childhood experimentation with the same sex. Which most kids quickly grow out of. I however, never did, I remained fascinated with the idea of fooling around with other boys. But my grooming is what actually created the connection in my mind- that hey two guys can have sex. And it was instantly titillating.

If this all started with just an idle thought that created panic, I don't think you're gay or bi. Because incessantly ruminating on it creates all sorts of OCD confusion. But if looking back, you can say hmm I've always been drawn to want to fool around with another boy, well... that's a different story.

Keeping in mind, that adolescent experimentation really doesn't count. It's coming out the other side of early adolescence, and still desiring it, that makes me say well okay I must be Bi.