Wanting help with my sexuality

I'm trying so hard to just sit there and be comfortable with these feelings of mine but I just can't I mean I get it if I find men attractive it just think that because it's so new that it's just taking a bit to get used to it I don't know I want so badly to not be so anxious about it nothing bad will ever happen but I can't seem to be comfortable with it. I mean, I think I get why I don't want to when I think about it as much as I want to get over this anxiety there's this part of me that really doesn't want to be comfortable with it

I know exactly why I'm having trouble it's because I just can't let go of my past. What do I do, how do I let go of it. The past is the past and it's not like I can rewind time so it obviously makes no sense to think about it yet I still do! When ever I get depressed at homosexuality it's out of a since we'll I wasn't like this before. So if that's the solution how do I get let go of it? I know that's hard to answer on a forum but I just don't know how to I feel like I can't let go of it.

I've been feeling like $#%^ all week I got a new desk for Christmas and had a pretty peaceful new year's eve all and all it was ok. I think there's always going to be a lot of anxiety over my sexuality for the rest of my life. Like even if I get over this I'll still have the memory of all this and I'll be waiting for it to come at me with a vengeance. I don't want to find anybody attractive I just want to live my life but it's so hard, I wish I didn't have a libido. I also want to tell my parents I've changed but I'm afraid to

I wouldn't say anything about sexuality to anyone, until you get some therapy... just my two cents.

I think my emotions will get in the way of any productive conversation with the psychiatrist, I think the best option is to keep an open mind, but I'm just afraid, I think I with time would get over the initial shock of it all but than I would feel depressed. Honestly though I think I would keep moving the goal post "oh if you.find men attractive than your obviously not straight" *finds men attractive*(I don't understand text symbols just bear with me) if you like cock than your obviously not straight *starts finding it more appealing* anyway you get the point I'm just a stubborn ###$ who can't cope with change. The person I was 9-10 months ago is not the same person I am now I sometimes wonder how I was like that, the fact that my heterosexual self feels so foreign to me is so sad. I feel alone I can't relate with people in the ocd forum but I can relate with people on sexuality websites yet I also remember things changing which no gay/bi person can say happened to them. Is sexual fluidity a thing? I read somewhere that .73% of heterosexual males can have morphing sexualities I guess I'm one of them. I fear the response from the psychologist almost the same way I fear opening the dryer door to see if one of my cats jumped into there.