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Wanting help with my sexuality

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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Fri Sep 24, 2021 7:56 pm

Snaga wrote:then possibly 40-60 or more, simply because I have a large separation between romantic and sexual desires


I'm interested merely out of curiosity and you don't have to answer this if it's to personal but would you have intercourse with a woman if given the opportunity and would you enjoy it and could you enjoy a relationship with a man of given the opportunity?
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Snaga » Fri Sep 24, 2021 11:01 pm

Kaleb28 wrote:would you have intercourse with a woman if given the opportunity and would you enjoy it


Yes I have and yes I do.

Kaleb28 wrote: could you enjoy a relationship with a man of given the opportunity?


Yes, I could.
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Sat Sep 25, 2021 12:20 am

Snaga wrote:Only you, or any of the other males in the OCD forum who struggle with HOCD, can say how you felt, minus the fear, prior to age 15


The problem I have is that prior to October of last year I didn't find men attractive except once when I was 15, than during one of my "episodes" back in October I started finding men attractive, NOW it wasn't to the same extent it is now but it did exist, I also for what ever reason stopped having a gag reflex to the idea of sucking cock (which was one of my compulsions) I also started finding the idea of 'going down' on a vagina slightly more disgusting. Now after that episode Many of these things still existed kind of between October and April I would occasionally find some men attractive which I didn't care about because women where so much more attractive and the idea of sucking cock didn't send me into utter revulsion. The problem for me Is that there is a difference between me prior to October and after and I was 17 at the time so I'm still somewhat confused. Now prior to me being 15 well women where the best thing on earth and as for men, well I'd wonder howa guy could quit possibly find another man attractive it just didn't make any sense to my infantile mind, well I understood the concept of homosexuality but still from my point of view I just couldn't imagine it.
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Snaga » Sat Sep 25, 2021 12:21 pm

Well I think it's OCD, and every time I've been tempted to think otherwise, you go and reinforce the notion this is your anxiety.

So what if sucking cock no longer is repulsive. You've dwelt on that for like, ever. Repeatedly thinking about it is going to take the horror out of something. Soldiers get inured to carnage. Surgeons get used to seeing blood and guts. Thinking about sucking cock 24/7 is going to dull the unpleasant response to the idea. Constantly thinking about men being attractive is likely to make you think well yeah some men are... Youv really need to speak to a professional about this.
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby KidDJ » Fri Oct 01, 2021 4:28 pm

Kaleb, if you could try and ask your parents to go to a psychologist to discuss about your feelings. Posting constantly in this forum isn't going to help you figure out your sexuality. Only you the one who knows the answer, nobody does. Maybe you have OCD, maybe you don't. Me and Snaga can't tell you exactly what your sexual identity is.
There are challenges that need to be faced. You might not know what will come to you.
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Fri Oct 01, 2021 4:43 pm

KidDJ wrote:Kaleb, if you could try and ask your parents to go to a psychologist to discuss about your feelings. Posting constantly in this forum isn't going to help you figure out your sexuality. Only you the one who knows the answer, nobody does. Maybe you have OCD, maybe you don't. Me and Snaga can't tell you exactly what your sexual identity is.



I know, I'm not not self aware (at least to some extent) I'm just a coward I want to ask but the possibility that this isn't my anxiety is enough for me to sit and suffer, I know my anxiety has deluded me before (sort of) but I've dug myself into a hole that's hard to climb out of l, I know I won't be able to survive in this hole my entire life and at the end of the day I'm just going to have to face it whether it be true or not but at least for now I can think that I'll get over my anxiety however I got through it before. Is it sustainable, no but it's better than the depression I've felt when I feel like all hope is loss, I mean I probably don't have to be like this if I worked on a plan with a therapist but like I said I'm a coward (and I'm not trying to get any Pity points I'm just being honest). So to put it simply I could talk to a therapist but the fear is great, I'm also not the most open minded of people and change is pretty hard for me to adapt to, I have a tendency with anything in life to wait till the last minute any I'll stop there I'm making to many excuses.
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Sat Oct 02, 2021 12:28 am

Kaleb28 wrote:I know, I'm not not self aware (


And sorry if this sounded rude I was not trying to sound like that
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby KidDJ » Sat Oct 02, 2021 4:29 am

You're not being rude. If your parents are open-minded people, then it's best to share your struggles with them. But if you're afraid to do so, maybe you could sign up to a LGBT support group to talk about this.
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Sat Oct 02, 2021 4:38 am

My parents don't care, nobody I know in my family cares, I'm the one that cares. I remember being 9 or 10 and my cousin smacked me in face for saying something homophobic. I've lived 8 years only ever wanting a woman and to have that suddenly taken away from me without me wanted it to change is hard I could of lost anything in this world I could of lost a limb and it wouldnt of been as bad as what I'm still in the process of losing

And as for talking to an LGBT group well that is terrifying I've been on LGBT forums and I always go because it's to much to handle hell I leave this site many times depressed
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Re: Wanting help with my sexuality

Postby Kaleb28 » Sat Oct 02, 2021 5:28 am

Also the hardest thing for me is accepting the fact the I find men attractive I want to to some extent but I can't I'm afraid to I don't know why it makes no sense but there's this part of me that that's like "oh you won't go back to normal if you accept it" even though it is obvious that I find men attractive, do I hate it , yes but I'm fairly certain there isn't anything in can do about it.
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