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I Have DID and I Have a Dominant Female Alter. Help?

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I Have DID and I Have a Dominant Female Alter. Help?

Postby ElaVess » Thu May 14, 2020 5:31 pm

So I'm biologically male, but an alter of mine, Ela, is very confident and powerful, independent, I guess everything I want to be. Which brings me to think I may be Transgender.

I've recently been talking to my roommate who I have a beautiful 2 year old with and our rocky relationship gained clarity but with the huge changes associated with this kind of realization. (For most of my life I had all of my alters geared so intensely to be "me" that I was able to hide DID from every therapist I've had except the one who recommended further evaluation, which I don't have access to with the Corona ######6 the world over ^_^ I'm not bitter :roll: )

We're somewhat separated at the moment while we figure everything out, have plans to stay in the same place, and raise our kid together. Always, we're putting our kid first and foremost. We may be able to repair our relationship but it would mean me getting a lot of work done on myself and part of it is grappling this feeling that I get when Ela is at the front.

It feels right. With my relationship turning Awk-weird I've had the chance to go on some dates and explore my bisexuality in a safe and open environment, one very close friend and another person I talked to for a long time and went out with before getting around to hooking up (With protection, always). My roommate has been wonderful and supportive, although not as romantically attached, for good reason, "I fell in love with a man who it turns out has DID and may be Transgender, btw we have a 2 year old!" 3 years together, 2 very difficult because my disorders were becoming unmanageable. (DID, PTSD, Chronic Depression and you guessed it, Anxiety!)

She's still my best friend. We gossip after dates, about who we're talking to, who's cute, mostly our daily lives are the same, we just don't really have sex, we're comfortable being naked around eachother, at least for now there has been some physical attraction both ways leading to some toe curling but it's not as frequent or romantically driven as it used to be. I feel like I need to let Ela be Ela, and I (host ID) don't mind, I'm kinda Gender Fluid anyway. My other alters don't really subscribe to normal gender types. Kind of Androgynous.

It all flows nicely, I think, but I want to talk to someone who maybe has been there? If you know what I'm talking about AT ALL please respond on thread, I didn't see one so I made one. Everyone help each other!
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Re: I Have DID and I Have a Dominant Female Alter. Help?

Postby Snaga » Thu May 14, 2020 7:01 pm

Hello and welcome!

I... am somewhat the same. I possibly have alters, they seem to wax and wane in intensity. I am biologically male, yet have some strong feminine components, and consider myself solidly Bi- something that took a long number of years to arrive at, after waffling thinking I'm first one thing, than the other (gay/straight).

My primary female alter is Samantha (if she's indeed an alter, I don't claim DID, although I'm game to think I might be DDNOS/DDOS.

We'll leave this here in Sexuality for now, until we see which way this goes. I might see myself moving it over to GID.

Have you done much in the way of sexuality or gender self tests? I can think of a few. I consistently come out just the cis- side of trans, myself. Personally, I wouldn't um... I wouldn't think it would be a good idea, for an alt to be the one to take us down a transgender route- although I did toy with the idea when I was in my prime. I would think whichever your 'main' personality is, ought to be the one to make that call.
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Re: I Have DID and I Have a Dominant Female Alter. Help?

Postby ElaVess » Thu May 14, 2020 8:19 pm

Absolutely! If you feel this belongs in another thread please feel free to move it. This is actually my first time on this site and I'd love any and all input!

I've done some experimenting both ways and Ela likes both but my Main prefers women, but won't let an attractive man just walk by... And yeah, I use DID lightly as a definition, we're still poking around for an official yes or no, but they're positive I'm in that class of mental illness, if that makes sense? I have a lot to figure out, I was just hoping to spark some conversation and get some different views than mine and my roommates XD
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Re: I Have DID and I Have a Dominant Female Alter. Help?

Postby Snaga » Sat May 16, 2020 1:49 am

There's no huge imperative to move this thread, unless it takes a heavy turn towards being more about gender, than sexuality. Or... you can explore sexuality in here from a cismale standpoint, and take the gender issues to GID forum. We don't generally allow concurrent single topics over multiple forums (it's actually against the written forum rules) but you can certainly split it up into two different subjects, or just continue here until it's more about gender, than sexuality- if that even happens.

Don't forget the DID forum, either, if it turns more into an alter thing.

Back to the subject, since you again mentioned your roommate, statistically, it's hard to keep a mixed orientation relationship together, but that's not to say it's impossible.

In the aggregate, I think of the corporate 'me' as rather in the middle sexually, and gender-wise. Broken up by the various parts of me I call alts, for lack of something better to describe them as.

Has anyone professional had anything to say about sexuality or gender to you? I know they have to be taken with a grain of salt, but have you done any sexuality or gender self-tests? Depending upon who you ask, I'm a horrid GID mod because I don't subscribe to any orthodoxy that might be currently in vogue. I like to think we're complex creatures that ought to be taken as individuals, and not as a collective to earn intersectional brownie points. All of which is to say, I suggest politically incorrect self-tests, as well as politically correct ones, and I'm not willing to burn certain researchers whose names are used in tones of hatred, in effigy. :twisted: Seriously, it all needs to be about what works for us as individuals, to find what makes sense for us.
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