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Constant rejection after first psychotic episode

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Constant rejection after first psychotic episode

Postby raccoonSot » Sun Mar 29, 2020 9:40 am

Hi all,

I am new here, i am male 32. I've got a few conditions and self-esteem issues.
This post is going to analyze my history and some experiences that i suspect they led me to this awful situation im facing. If it is off topic, move it.
The psychiatric condition is bipolar type 2, with depression being dominant, and 2 manic-psychotic episodes because of drugs. I also have generalized personality disorder with a few elements of borderline because of distant parents and many traumatic events. Anyway, i would like to discuss my unsual difficulties with women, after my first psychotic episode in 2014. This episode was caused by Ketamine. Before 2014, i was succesful almost every time i wanted a girl. Lets the after part.
Once i got out the heavy dissociation, i engaged in spirituality, but to an extent that was way too much. I felt like i dont belong to earth. I took Risperdal, an antipsychotic that is also know as chemical castration. No sex drive no erections, nothing. So, after months of reading about extraterrestials and chakras and stuff like that, i found myself cut off from girls, like i had no interest, and when i started approaching again i had to face multiple, insultive and MEAN rejections before i end up with someone. Since then, i was so depressed that i looked for healing in Buddhism. Something i still regret. I was meditating and praying all the time, compulsively. That was the second phase of distance from girls, in 2015. Then, i went to a buddhist center and the teacher there (known as Llama), told me that i lack vital energy and i must not have sex again, and he said he would "lock" my d i c k. Once i left them, i learned that he does black magic, but i dont believe in that stuff. On the other hand, what else is left to believe? Since early 2016, i get rejected, every single time i approach a girl i like. I'm tired of existing only as a personallity and not as male energy. What could be the cause ? Black magic? Permanent energetic damage from medications ?? The buddhists sucked my male energy? I dont know. I'm afraid my sex life is over. Its been 4 years since my last contact. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.
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