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Fears

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Fears

Postby user497620 » Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:35 pm

Hi everyone, I’m new to the forums.

I’m a straight heterosexual man who has always been attracted to women and I’m still
Attracted to women now. I’ve always longed to find a girlfriend and a wife one day and I still long for that all the time. Even at night, I fantasise having a girlfriend and cuddling up with her and just being happy with her. Pathetic as that sounds I just feel strongly about women.

My point is, throughout the last six months, I’ve had intrusive thoughts and worries about my sexuality. I’ve never been attracted to men and I’m still not attracted to men at all. I just see men as friends and I never want to be with a man. I honestly can’t see myself being with a man in the future because deep down I don’t want that. Even when I focus on women and masturbating over them, any thought or worries that sneak into my head instantly cut the process off completely and it reassures me that I’m still heterosexual.

I just can’t shake off this fear of turning into something that doesn’t work for me. I’m not trying to be disrespectful but I’m not attracted to men at all. When I think about being with a woman it makes me happy but it’s like my mind won’t leave me alone and taunts me saying that I won’t find another woman in life. That scares me so much because I love women so much and I really want to find a woman one day because I’ve always liked women. Even when I see women in town I look at them and long for them. I’ve never forced my sexuality but I just have these worries that I may never find her.

So, that’s basically my story. I’m attracted to women and scared that somehow I may never find her. I don’t fancy men and I never want to be with a man. I’m not even in denial because I’ve never lied about anything in my life. I keep telling myself that that’s not what I want, no matter how much my mind tries to convince me. Deep down, I’m straight and I know I’m straight and always will be straight, and I don’t want to give up finding her.

That’s all I have to say. Any comments please leave below. Thanks
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Re: Fears

Postby Snaga » Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:33 am

hello and welcome...

This sounds rather more akin to a very common fear with people that exhibit OCD symptoms- popularly called 'HOCD', although that's merely a convenient way of saying, 'homosexual-related OCD', it's not a diagnosable ailment. OCD is OCD, no matter the theme.

Not saying that's what you have- but if you'd mentioned having a history of obsessional fears, I'd have already moved this post to that forum. You might consider perusing there, if you haven't already, and see if the stories there seem similar to yours. I think they are.

Without a history of desiring the same sex, emotionally or physically, I don't think you have much of a basis for worry. I'm bisexual, to an extent, and can easily trace back the history of my same-sex attractions to when I first became aware of them- and they didn't start with intrusive thoughts of fear at the idea. I had the attractions first, then I got worried. OCD and anxiety always put the cart, before the horse. We tend to worry about what-if, before they become what-is.
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Re: Fears

Postby user497620 » Wed Jan 15, 2020 4:58 pm

Thanks for the reply. I’ve heard about HOCD and am fully aware of it. I’ve also read on these forums about people who’ve had similar worries.
That’s the thing: I don’t feel that way about men and never have done. When I think about girls and fantasies about women it makes me happy and relaxed. I just overthink sometimes when I have an odd thought but I say to myself that’s not what I want.
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Re: Fears

Postby handsomejaack » Wed Jan 15, 2020 5:50 pm

people check each other out women check out other women and why would guys be any different?
im a straight guy always have been but i love watching shows like queereye, i find that jonathan guy a blast, im not attracted to him, but the over femine ways of some homosexuals is interesting, they sometimes have a good taste in style, ect.
you wont turn into something you arent, so dont worry yourself too much on it, guys dont openly admit finding the same sex "cute" like females do, but most guys check out other guys (and girls)

i consider this normal dont let it get to you
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Re: Fears

Postby user497620 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 7:01 am

Thanks. If you don’t feel that way about something then you don’t become it. That’s what worries me most of the time. I wish I could just shake off this worry because I joined *mod edit* but it didn’t do me much good, hence why I joined up here.
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Re: Fears

Postby user497620 » Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:21 am

Just had a little trigger this morning on the way to work. It upset me but then I reminded myself about the times I felt aroused by women and how it made me happy. I just hate having these triggers all the time. Sick and tired about this
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Re: Fears

Postby Snaga » Sat Jan 18, 2020 11:45 pm

I think one of the problems with these things is that we have to try and analyze every thought like it's a scorecard. Straight people do not have to never have a strange thought. Your body will respond to thoughts of sex, regardless of whether it's sex you're interested in having. But then people get scared, and start to worry and obsess, which makes the thoughts snowball.
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