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Sexuality, confused

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Sexuality, confused

Postby Wilm » Tue Sep 24, 2019 5:12 pm

Hey
I am a 17 year old girl called Wilma.

So here's some background to make it easier to understand (I think)
I never really cared about dating, sex or relationship until the last few years, before then I was just about to want to spend my life alone. But recently the idea of a relationship has just become a big part of my life, and I really would love to at least be in a romantic relationship with someone.

I have only dated guys before, as I recently came out as bisexual. But I also do belive I am demisexual since I really have to get to know a person, feel that connection before I can be sexually attracted to anybody. I have a harder time falling for guys, maybe because all of the ones I fall for are gay. To put it simple, I like men who're more feminine and girls who're more "masculine"/tomboy ish.

I've never had sexual attraction to a guy, I have with a girl twice before. But thing is I once came across a few pictures of lesbians, and I felt disgusted. But I do have sexual attraction to some, but am disgusted at other times. And I am just really really confused if I am like asexual or something or demisexual but it's messing with my head and I simply don't know why I feel the way I feel.
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Re: Sexuality, confused

Postby Snaga » Wed Sep 25, 2019 6:35 am

Hello and welcome!

It can be a pretty confusing thing- sexuality, I mean. Especially if you don't seem to neatly fit within a label.

It seems almost as if you aim for... I don't like the term, 'androgynous', but for lack of a handier one, that. Since you seem to go for more feminine guys and more boyish girls.

I can relate to some of what you describe- I'm sort of bi, and I'm a male who was never 'all boy'. I tend to like tomboys and such on that side of things, guys I wouldn't say I really relate to what you say, though.

How do you think of yourself in this mix? More girly girl? Or are you more of a tomboy yourself?

Do you feel the same sort of attractions for guys and girls? Or is one more an emotional thing, while the other is more physical? I know for myself, there's definitely a jigsaw puzzle of sorts- attractions are definitely not equal in amounts nor type, for me.
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Re: Sexuality, confused

Postby Wilm » Thu Oct 24, 2019 8:11 pm

Well I am not exactly a girly-girl nor am I a tomboy when it comes to looks. Looking at me I look more feminine but my personality is more tomboy-ish. I would problably dress more tomboy if I wasn't so scared of peoples opinions, but I'm gettin' there.

My attraction to girls and guys is definitly different. I fall for girls so much easier. It' both emotional and physical. But with guys it's more physical, I've not found a guy I like in a while so I don't have that much experience. I can see a guy I like the look of, if there's a nice personality and all I might like 'em romantically but that's about it. I definitly need more time with guys. Girls are easier. It's hard to tell why, especially when you don't have too much experience cause I'm not really the most social haha
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Re: Sexuality, confused

Postby Snaga » Fri Oct 25, 2019 6:34 am

Okay I can understand that. That's why I asked- for me, opposite sex is more emotional, same sex is more physical.

I know there's a lot of... gender confused people out there these days- but I think as far as what I traditionally think of as a tomboy, and you being reluctant to look the part as much as you maybe feel, girls can flat out get away with a lot more, in that area, I think. At least, that's how it feels, to me. I envy girls for what I view as more freedom to express yourselves.

Wilm wrote:Girls are easier. It's hard to tell why


Short of bad experiences with guys, who knows unless that's just how you're wired.

I.. can't think of his name right offhand without looking it up. But there was a sexologist from Australia, I believe, that did a lot of testing on people. I mean not just determining their sexual preferences, but then taking willing subjects and trying to modify their orientations by every scientific means he could think of- the youngest subjects were 15 years old. Males seem to be pretty inflexible- he believed it was from birth- on that I'll disagree, I think it's up to say, 13/14, just under his youngest test subject- the empirical supposition is that you can only say with certainty, some time before 15, males are fixed in their sexuality.

I'm roughly the middle of the Kinsey, and have been that way, and will likely stay that way, thanks to my Y-chromosome.

Females, on the other hand, he found were more plastic in their orientation. Mind you, they had to be very motivated to change sexual orientations, but his experiments apparently demonstrated that girls are more flexible than guys.

So... it seems as if you're pretty flexible, already. For you, that's a real possibility, to move further in whatever direction you choose- if you have a compelling enough motivation for doing so.
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