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Older change

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Older change

Postby Kidamnesiac » Tue Jul 09, 2019 4:16 am

I’m 45 years old, I’m married with a couple kids.
Never had an issue with my sexuality until I hit 40.
I’ve always loved women, sometimes too much.
Then I had a guy hit on me when I was 40, I turned him down, but it stuck with me.
I started watching gay porn a little, and enjoyed it, still when I was out I only looked at women.
Each year I started watching more and more gay porn, and now I say when I watch porn, 90% is gay.
I enjoy watching men have sex, but still when I’m out in real world, I only look at women.
Don’t have an active sex life with my wife now, very rare, but I’m always looking at women,never men.
Yet at home, when I’m alone I pretty much only watch gay porn.
Not sure how to handle it.
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Re: Older change

Postby Snaga » Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:35 am

Hello, and welcome!

I self-identify as bisexual, although I myself (mostly) check out women, 'out in the real world'.

Like you, most of my porn habits tend to run to same-sex.

For me, clothed men aren't as aesthetically pleasing as women... I think that mostly explains why I'm not checking dudes out shopping... Plus I generally enjoy the company of women and I think my romantic side leans heterosexual. Unclothed, well, there are things about the male form that I do like.

I've had an attraction towards the idea of sex with other males, however, since my early teen years. I'm not sure I'm completely qualified to speculate, but since I do have a foot in both worlds, so to speak...

You might enjoy the taboo aspect of gay porn?
You might have discovered you're some flavour of bisexual?

It's not unheard of, for straight guys to glom onto gay porn- most of the time I've heard of it, it's usually in the context of pretty heavy porn addiction, however. I suppose back to 'taboo' aspect.

Maybe because it's... how to put it? To me, same sex porn- either gay porn, or what I'd call 'real' lesbian porn- that is, something that's not two supermodels obviously being coached off-screen by a man- is more 'pure'. To me there's something more raw and more purely sexual about it. Maybe that's the aspect that appeals to you.

On a semi-related note, it's my understanding a lot of straight guys have a t-girl porn fetish because it's on one level, more raw and basic, and someone with a penis, best understands someone else with a penis... but in the form of a girl with 'something extra', that sort of renders it acceptable in the man's mind. Maybe... something like that, minus the buffer afforded by it being outwardly 'female'.

Do you have any kind of real-world desire to try something out with a guy? If not- and, I think it would be a nagging desire you couldn't shake, at the least- and at the most, a gnawing hunger never satisfied... if you can say No to any of that, then I'm leaning towards it's just a porn thing, and no more than that.
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Re: Older change

Postby Kidamnesiac » Tue Jul 09, 2019 11:45 am

Thank you for reply
When I’m out, I have zero desire to be with a guy, never look at a man and want him
When I’m watching the porn though, I do fantasize about it.
It’s not a gnawing hunger for sure, but can’t deny I’ve thought about it
Just not attracted to men with clothes on, the thought of going to a gay bar doesn’t interest me at all.
This only comes into my head when I’m alone and watching porn on my iPad.
Like once a day.
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