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I don’t know what I am...

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I don’t know what I am...

Postby BrittanyRanos » Wed Jun 12, 2019 2:01 am

Hello. My name is Brittany.(i just want my identity hidden in case this is found by anybody i know... but the rest is true other than my name) I’m a 18 year old guy, and for a while now ever since I was about 16, i’ve been confused about my sexuality. I love girls, I am currently single but i’ve had many relationships and i have had sex previously and enjoyed it quite a lot. However, here’s what confuses me. One day when i was home alone, i went into my sisters room and saw her clothes. I decided to be the curious 16 year old hormone crazy kid that i am and try them on. I tried on her underwear, her bra, a tank top and fuzzy socks. I do have a foot fetish but that’s besides the point, it just adds insite as to why I wore the leggings and socks. It’s my favorite thing to look at on a girl, and wear. Ok back on track, so ever since i tried on those clothes that day i couldn’t get enough. i started getting creative and looking forward to those home alone days. i tried on her school uniform one time. i’d lay in her bed and cross my legs like a girl would. sometimes i’d even fall asleep in her uniform or clothes because i was so at ease and comfortable with it. Now i’m in the predicament of not knowing my true sexuality. I don’t have full sexual attraction to guys. at all. i have fantasies at times about having sex with a guy, but only if i was dressed up like a girl... i don’t understand it it’s so confusing to me and i really don’t know what to do. like. i know i’m not gay because i like girls, a lot. and i know i will continue to do so, however i also feel that sexually i should be doing more than have sex with a girl. i’m not going to go into detail in terms of my thoughts because i’m not 100% clear as to what’s allowed on the site and whats not to be said. but i’m sure you could imagine and it’s clear. just gay thoughts. but again i know i’m not gay. a bi friend of mine said she thinks i’m bi and yeah that kinda might be true but it doesnt answer the fact that i’d only have sexual relations with a guy if i was like a girl. my straight friend said she thinks i’m trans and i thought so too for a while but it didn’t make sense. i don’t want to be a girl 109%. yes i wanna be a girl but not the rest of my life. it’s like, i want to have sexual relations with a girl, but as a girl. and be treated sexually as a girl. in a way, a trans lesbian??? i’m so sorry if this makes no sense because it’s just as confusing to me as it will be to everyone else... i don’t know. I just need some opinions and insight please!!! i’ve had these thoughts and curiosity and confusion for years and i finally decided to reach out. please help!!!! thanks...
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Re: I don’t know what I am...

Postby Snaga » Tue Aug 20, 2019 10:29 pm

A little late to this party, but maybe you just like a little gender bending.

This discussion is close to being a paraphilia discussion (which isn't allowed) but is also relevant enough to your sense of sexual orientation, that I think it's okay to discuss in those terms...

Maybe... the 'gay' thoughts feel safer, with you taking on the role/appearance of a girl. That might be your way of 'de-gaying' them a bit?

Which would be similar to the convoluted arguments I've seen, for why otherwise straight men have shemale fetishes- because the other penis has a 'woman' built around it, it makes it somehow okay. I'm a bi male, so that logic is kind of lost on me, but that's my understanding of it. This could be similar to that- you allow yourself to think the gay thoughts, by making it less 'gay', in the form of being a girl?

There's a word that's dirty in the current Trans orthodoxy, and that's autogynephilia- being aroused by the idea of being a hot girl, basically. There could be some of that going on, you find the idea of being a sexy girl arousing, and it wouldn't make you trans, in my opinion. In fact, I don't think of you as trans at all, merely a bit kinky. There are guys who love to crossdress, that are neither trans, nor 'gay'.
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Re: I don’t know what I am...

Postby unidentified45 » Sun Sep 22, 2019 6:52 pm

You may be gender fluid, it sounds like your gender identity fluctuates sometimes. This doesn't have to affect what gender you're attracted to. Sometimes you could be a boy who is attracted to girls, and sometimes a girl who is attracted to girls. I hope this helps.
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