is anybody out there

I think i find men phsyically attractive. like i acutally think they're beautiful. But the thought of doing anything sexual with one grosses me out. I couldn't get off to gay porn if i tried. To some people through behavior i come off as gay and this had made me hyper self aware of myself when i'm around others. The same pattern keeps happening where i scare male friends away from signs of homosexuality or just neediness. at the gym last night this guy was gonna teach me how to box but i couldn't look at him in the eye in the locker room because he had such a beautiful body with his shirt off... this ruined the oppurtunity and sent me in another spiral. I love women, i'm a booty stan haha, but right now i'm just figure out who i am and how i got here (i didn't grow up thinking i was gay).

Sexuality is a very complicated subject. Some of us know we are gay, other people takes decades to accept (or realized) they are gay. You might find out you're gay, you might find out you are not gay. Anything can happen.

But one thing I can tell you is to never let anyone tell you what sexuality you are based on your mannerisms. And don't let anyone dictate what you should or should not do as a man. We have the freedom to be who we choose to be.