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Extremely confused about my sexuality

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Extremely confused about my sexuality

Postby rcphill » Tue Feb 26, 2019 1:02 am

Let me take you on a little timeline of my sexuality

- 5 years of age: I remember doing sexual things with girls in the bathroom at school and when they would come over to my house
- 11 years of age: Had my first kiss which was with a girl during truth or dare, I remember enjoying it
- 13 years of age: First boyfriend, didn't actually like him but I just dated him because he was popular
- 14 through 18 years of age: Dated 2 guys throughout high school and had sex with 2 of them. I remember enjoying it. However, during this time I started to wish I could date women (my parents are very conservative and homophobic so I didn't dare date girls at this time)
- 18 through 23 years of age: Had only one long term boyfriend during this time, back in 2006. Our relationship lasted about 1.5 years, and during that time I really became curious about dating women. It came to a point where I was completely repulsed by my boyfriend and did not want to have sex with him at all. He ended up cheating on me. After we broke up, I proceeded to have sex with numerous men (about 8 more guys).
- 26 years of age: The last time I had sex with a man. I didn't enjoy it, but I think it was because there was zero foreplay and just him repetitively going in and out, pretty boring honestly. After this, I finally started to date women. I had sex with a woman for the first time and I thoroughly enjoyed it except for going down on her. It wasn't something I enjoyed doing at all, but thankfully she didn't care. Our relationship lasted 4 years, we broke up last year so we'll fast forward to...
- 30 years of age: Ended that relationship and dated a few other girls. Had sex with 3 girls after my last ex, and I definitely enjoyed it but again really hate going down on women.
- Now, 31 years of age: Began to question whether or not I really want to be with women. If I'm 100% honest with myself, the thought of ever marrying a women seems ridiculous to me but I could see myself marrying a man. I do find men attractive, but I worry that the same thing will happen that happened with my last boyfriend - that I will become repulsed by him...and I know men HAVE to have sex so that will just lead to me being cheated on again if I stop having sex with the guy.

I guess I'm just not sure what I am. Bisexual? Pansexual? I mean I guess it doesn't really matter what LABEL I am, but I just don't know what to do. Does it sound like I'm more straight or lesbian? Does it seem like I am more inclined to be with women because of how I felt at such a young age? Should I go on some dates with guys and see what happens?
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Re: Extremely confused about my sexuality

Postby RottenFish » Mon Apr 15, 2019 5:16 pm

The best way to know what you like is to date around. Date women and men. Have sex with women and men. Only through experimentation will you realize what you like more.
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Re: Extremely confused about my sexuality

Postby shock_the_monkey » Tue Apr 16, 2019 12:38 am

heterosexual monogamy came about for a number of very good social reasons. it gave men more equal access to women. it gave women more equal rights in their relationships with men. it gave a stable basis for raising a family. it reduced jealousy. it reduced sexually transmitted diseases. all in all it has an enormous amount of good points. sadly, there are many people that are simply not aware of why this form of relationship evolved. they think that free expression is far more important than the lessons of the past.

if you don't have a damn good reason for stepping away from this path, perhaps you should give the above some serious thought.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Extremely confused about my sexuality

Postby shock_the_monkey » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:45 am

i'll add that you base most of your relationship experiences on sexual enjoyment, rather than intimacy. most of a relationship is simply about enjoying someone's company. i'll also add that your view of men just being interested in sex is rather shallow. by no means is this true. if you really want my opinion, i wonder if you want a relationship. there is so much more to a relationship that just isn't featuring in your perspective. maybe you're just being economical. or maybe it really isn't there for you. perhaps you should try dating without any sex. that way you might be more focused on the other aspects of a relationship.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
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