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My sexuality???

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My sexuality???

Postby Jerome283 » Sun Dec 23, 2018 2:36 am

Hi first post on the forum. I am really confused about my sexuality. Now in my early 20s I’m starting to think about what life I should live in my late twenties and early thirties.. if I want to get married to a woman eventually and I don’t know what road to go down. In my teens I slept with a few guys starting when I was 15. But I won’t count that because I was actually sexually underdeveloped and have started to be prescribed hormone therapy (testosterone) two years ago. My sex Drive is high but it switches from 100% straight and repulsed by men to 100% gay and repulsed by women and back so rapidly—throughout one day—that I cant maintain any relationship and can barely even time hookups to the swaying urges. It’s so annoying. One night I was very horny for women, but then by the time my tinder date came and we ###$ only an hour later, I was turned off from women and imagined a guy the whole time so I could get off. Ive also been with good looking men and had to leave because I was so disgusted. Seems the only sex I can have has to be in the exact moment of the urge. There was one exception—a fling with a girl where we had sex 4-6 times a day for a few weeks and it felt like exactly the right and most pleasurable thing ever. Then I lost interest sexually. At the same time I would say that usually I am repulsed by women and have strong romantic and sexual attraction to men. I’ve had a crush on a man I haven’t talked to in years, this crush has lasted for 4 years and we haven’t talked in 2 or three. I had a crush on a different male in high school, but am also often exclusively attracted to women, especially sexually. I would assume I’m bisexual except that I am never attracted to both genders at once. The issue with this is that even if I can find a label for myself, how will I settle down with someone? That is my goal eventually. But it seems impossible with this constantly fluctuating sexuality. Also do you think I Am I gay and in some deep denial? Does sex with women for me just feel good because it made me feel less gay? Make me feel normal and feel less shame?
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Re: My sexuality???

Postby Snaga » Mon Dec 24, 2018 2:40 pm

Hello and welcome to the forums!

What an interesting post. I'm bisexual (male) who often feels conflict in my attractions.

As far as labels, I think bisexual would do- it's a huge umbrella, though. And can mean a lot of different things. Including what some have called consecutive bisexuality- flipping from attraction to men, to women, and not being concurrent.

I'm usually not one to say someone on here is in denial. Especially being the OCD moderator, we get a lot of people who are scared to death they're gay (they're not) and they will twist their thoughts into imagining they're in denial. But here.... I don't know. You might be. It sounds as if you lean more towards gay than straight- since you seem to primarily have feelings for me, esp in the romantic department. I'm more in the middle, with most of my romantic feelings going to women, and more of my sexual lusts going towards men. Which kinda average out to being nearly in the middle of the spectrum between straight and gay, not counting any attractions I might have to transgender and intersex.

I sympathise with you, and empathise to an extent. My sexuality isn't quite so fickle as yours seems to be, but yeah having decided to live straight and settle down, I sometimes greatly yearn for guys. And if I'd decided to live 'gay', I'd probably be very depressed about women. I think part of it for me, is that my romantic and carnal lusts aren't in line. Which means chances of someone out there filling everything equally is well-nigh impossible. Even a girl with 'something extra' is still a girl and isn't masculine. I don't know the answer. It seems to me for folks like us, we can either stay single and play around, or live in an open relationship where you both swing or it's agreed you can have the other on the side, or mate with two other like minded people in a mixed-sex triad, which someone I was acquainted with on a bisexual men's forum had managed to do. Or... decide which kind of life and relationship you want most, and choose that, knowing that sometimes you'll struggle with wanting the other.

To me, the first and last options are more realistic. Open relationships and polyamory are great if you can manage it, but finding someone who's cool with it might be a problem. It's not easy being bi in a world that expects us to choose sides.

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