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I feel disgusting (POCD, etc)

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I feel disgusting (POCD, etc)

Postby idcidcidcidcidc » Wed Aug 22, 2018 1:31 am

I doubt anyone will read this but if for some reason anyone wants to know my issue in detail heres the first time i posted here obsessive-compulsive/topic208724.html

But tldr: im 18 and ever since i was young to up until recently i read erotic comics (hentai) and fanfiction of pedophillic or incestuous relationships and sometimes zoophillia. about a month and a half ago i felt disgusted by all the things ive looked up online or gotten aroused by and i fear how people would see me if they knew about it. I fear people would wish i was dead or think i dont deserve forgiveness and im scared the things ive done will be a weight ill have to carry with me for the rest of my life. I feel like that also made me normalize these disgusting things and to a degree i started thinking things like pedophillia or zoophillia or incest werent bad and those thoughts scare me. I dont ever want to become the type of person who thinks that kind of stuff is ok.

I feel disgusting and i fear rejection from others. I havent felt normal in so long and im afraid i never will again. Im also scared i only stopped reading those disgusting things bc i was afraid of what others thought of it and not because im actually a person with good morals. I suppose i still think its not compoetely wrong for people to have fantasies and people are always drawn to the forbidden and taboo acts, or so ive been told, and i knew a lot of ppl who were into those kinds of things and were still good, normal people but i truly wish i wouldve never looked at that kind of stuff and at this point i dont even know what to do to feel better.

I keep having dark intrusive thoughts about my family or animals or children in sexual situations and getting through the day trying to ignore them is so hard.

Ive started therapy but i dont know if itll work at all. Once a week doesnt seem enough.

At this point i guess im just trying to get validation and people telling me im not an awful disgusting person but i honestly wouldnt blame anyone if they did think that bc i myself think im an awful disgusting person.
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Re: I feel disgusting (POCD, etc)

Postby peterwhitepine » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:33 am

Its normal to seek the forbidden online. Just don't act on what you see
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