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Am Gay, Bi, or Straight? Anyone???!?!!

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Am Gay, Bi, or Straight? Anyone???!?!!

Postby jbell777 » Sun Jul 29, 2018 2:54 am

I’ll give y’all a story of my situation and what not. I believed when this started it was Hocd, but now I can’t believe it is I’m just beyond confused. So a few years ago about two or three when this started me and my two buddies were hangin sound drinking and anyways one of the kissed me and I know I was mad my hand was in a fist, which idk why the obsessing wouldn’t stop then. I tried watching gay porn I wanted to throw up but I’ve conditioned myself to get comfortable with it cause I watch it everyday, now I’ve maybe gotta hard to gay porn 4/5 times and I’ve seen it at least a million times in the past year, there’s sometimes I feel like maybe I could like bc I forced myself do that, anyways I’ve tried masturbation to guys and I just feel like crap after not guilty just like crap I try to tell myself lately when I Try to imagine a guy it’s ok it don’t bother me but in reality it does, if I do it to a girl happiness. But idk now it as if my heart is gay what I mean it’s like when I think about women I could find it gross or put my hand on my heart it’s like I get a gross face idk if I’ve convinced my emotions I’m gay or something, then another thing that confuses me is a night from last year me and my girlfriend just broke up I let rocd ruin that I was just beyond depressed anyway my buddy says hey man let’s go to a party I said ok anyways we get to the party it’s a fun night now my hocd going on at that point but at the same time there’s this girl there that I couldn’t help it she was just wow, anyways we’re playin a drinkin game and this dude has to pick someone to kiss on the neck he chooses me and I say no, I’m not letting a dude kiss me and everyone like don’t be a baby it’s just a kiss on the neck I said no no no and they said what bout the hand or arm I said fine bc I’m wearing a long sleeve windbreak, and anyways they aheb too hold up my arm cause I’m trying to pull it away, it happens kinda I’m pulling my hand away with my head turned as I’m pulling my arm I felt something and I was liek did I like, now I know what I probably felt was the dude and girls hand holding my arm down but then I felt this breath idk if it was sigh of relief or my heart and idk I felt this wetness later on which idk if it was from the beer and the melted ice on it, i mean the dude would have to have some strong lips lol for me too feel that with a windbreaker on which It was light one so idk, anyways I told myself it’s my ocd then went back to fantasizing over that girl, and then today I felt the urge to pleasure myself and. The girl made me finish but my head said to the image of the girl I don’t want that and idk what true anymore man I come out to my mom a lot saying I’m gay but regret sometimes there’s relief bc I’m not obsessing but then the obsessing comes back, I test myself so much and it’s like keep trying to force or prove I’m gay or even bi, DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND LIKE IM GAY OR BI?!?!?!? I’ve had two gay guys say I’m straight and no I did. Or get a hard on too the dudes kissing me only thing I’ve ever got hard to is girls just like lesbian porn is the only thing that truly turns me on no matter what
jbell777
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Re: Am Gay, Bi, or Straight? Anyone???!?!!

Postby jbell777 » Sun Jul 29, 2018 5:22 am

Also I get on tinder alit for girls but every now and then I will test myself to guys too see how it feels more so too see if I’m attracted to them and a good looking does catch my eye like a girl and I swipe right on a dude too see how it feels and rn idk it seems bc if my anxiety it seems like I could earlier it didn’t like it steel bothers me idk what I am anymore
jbell777
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Re: Am Gay, Bi, or Straight? Anyone???!?!!

Postby jbell777 » Sun Jul 29, 2018 6:18 am

I also see by talking to the gay guy that helped me I tricking myself into being gay
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Re: Am Gay, Bi, or Straight? Anyone???!?!!

Postby jbell777 » Mon Jul 30, 2018 1:14 am

Or do i sound like I’m in denial
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Re: Am Gay, Bi, or Straight? Anyone???!?!!

Postby jbell777 » Tue Jul 31, 2018 5:40 am

I tried masturbation to gay porn now I need a girl to get me erected it seems. Like I could enjoy but I’m not sure if I’m paying atttiion to the video I just know I feel like crap rn I barely have any come out to a man Idk who I am I’m pretty sure I’m gay now so, I mean idk do u enjoy gay porn as much as lesbian lien now no but I just need some insight please ANYONE? What’s your opinion
jbell777
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