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Is there a name for this?

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Is there a name for this?

Postby isthereaname » Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:33 am

Sorry if my english isn't correct. I've been having a problem for about 10-15 years. I guess it is pretty much impossible to make it go away (like most sexual orientations). I don't know if there is a name for this. Maybe you could call it a fetisch (that isn't extremely rare at least). I know that there are people that have this fetisch. But in my case it is more then a fetisch. It's a sexual orientation that there is no information about.

I'm biologically male and ever since I reached adolescence I've (almost only) been attracted to girls/women that are taller, bigger and stronger than myself. I want them to treat me exactly like a man usually treats a woman. I want them to be extremely defensive of me. I want them to be over a foot taller than me, twice as strong and take care of me all the time. I want to hold their arm while walking down the street and feel like a shrimp beside them. I just want to be a defenseless, timid, shy, fragile doll beside a huge aggressive monster. I want to be forced to cook food.

It is 90 % impossible for me or at least very hard to be attracted to a normal girl physically. Romantically I can fall in love with females but I'm not turned on by them at all. They are small and weak and non-aggressive. Would a woman accept being with me if I'm not attracted to her but loves her? It would feel like I fooled her if she didn't know.

I'm not attracted as a male to a male at all. Some days I can get turned on by imagining myself as a small woman with a big man defending me but I think I would miss the company of a woman if I did a gender swap. Also even if I'm not masculine at all most of my interests are male interest. I think most people would classify me as clumsy and slightly retarded in a funny way. Like a kinder more non-masculine version of a hyper-heterosexual football fan.

Does this fetisch/orientation come from my nonindependent personality? I have no idea.
This have been a big problem my whole life. I have no idea what to do. Big, tall women are extremely rare. Plus even tolerant people would probably classify this as extremely weird. Some days I feel it would be easier if I could just be attracted to men (either as a man or a woman). But 5 days of 7 I'm attracted to big women as a small man and only 2/7 to a man as a woman. This sucks so hard.
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Re: Is there a name for this?

Postby isthereaname » Mon Jul 09, 2018 3:21 pm

It's not just the sexual part. I've always felt very uncomfortable about being the boyfriend in general. I feel like I can't "defend" anyone. As a child I was afraid of having to do this when I got older.

Girls say it's a huge turn off if the guy is weaker then them. It's the same for me if the girls is weaker then me. It sounds like a dream that they can meet hundreds of people that are taller and stronger then them every day. I think I would even like being payed less money for the same work then women and maybe even getting harassed by them sometimes (sorry if this sounds offending).

I've been in love quite recently and about 5 times totally (all in normal girls) but I'm unsure if a relationship could ever work out. I guess I could cope if we were equals. But:
1 How would I tell the girl that I can't defend them and all that stuff? That I would prefer them driving the car instead of me?
2 I would always look for something superior or dominating in every girl I met. No matter what it was. Just something. I think even if I had sex with a normal girl I would like her to say stuff like "get behind I wont let them hurt you" "stay close to me I'll keep you safe" "I will protect you".

Everyone says girls are attracted to confidence. I can't be confident no matter what I do. I've been trying to increase my confidence and leadership skills for over 10 years without progressing one inch. I can't seem to overcome this. I HATE trying to be confident. To be honest I don't really see the point of being confident, it feels like lying about all the mistakes most people do every day.

I'm afraid that I will never be able to have a family which will probably become depressing within a few years. I don't want to be "the husband", "the father" or "the man in the house". I'm especially afraid of getting boys if I ever got children and them expecting me to be strong. Maybe it could work out if we adopted a girl.

I feel envy and anger towards normal people. Noone understands this issue. Not even real trans people seems to have this huge fear of becoming a father. I have some degree of gender dysphoria personally but I don't think it's enough to do something about it.
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