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Confused!

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Confused!

Postby Amyleewolf14 » Sat Jun 09, 2018 7:40 pm

I've decided to go down the rabbit hole on trying to define my sexuality. Before I start this, I feel I need to say that I understand sexuality is a spectrum; however, I've always thought of myself as bisexual but I don't think it really "fits" me and how I truly feel. I'd like a more precise term so I don't feel like I'm misrepresenting how I feel when I speak with others about it. For that purpose, I will try to be as specific as possible...

First, I was born as and identify as female. Clean cut.

Second, I find males (as in both biological and identify as) both romantically and sexually attractive. Well, aside from genitalia. I don't think male or female genitalia is pleasant to look at. But I enjoy looking at the male/masculine form as a whole and the idea of and act of sexual activity with males.

Now females (as in both biological and identify as)... This is where I'm confused. I seem to be demiromantic towards females. If I get really close to another girl and have a strong friendship with them, I begin to express romantic feelings for them. I want to protect them and spoil them and treat them as if I were in a loving relationship with them. This only occurs when I have been in a close friendship. I don't have romantic interests in girls otherwise. Sexually speaking... The female form excites me. I find the female form even more arousing than the male form. I enjoy looking at it very much. I enjoy watching two girls together in a sexual capacity. However, I do not enjoy the idea of me myself engaging in sexual activity with another girl. It makes me feel awkward just theorizing it. It's uncomfortable. I feel completely lost on how to act, what to do, etc. That feeling shuts down any hope of engaging sexual activity with another girl. I don't know what to call this because I'm definitely attracted, very strongly so, but I don't want it for myself?

So with that being said, what do you call someone who is romantically and sexually attracted to males without any reservations, and demiromantic/ I don't even know what sexually towards females?

Also, I find androgynous men and women very attractive/arousing, but I don't feel that way towards trans.

Help?
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Re: Confused!

Postby Snaga » Sun Jun 10, 2018 7:56 am

And a fascinating rabbit hole it is....

Well, I always think of bisexual, is what you want it to be. That's usually the label I think of myself as... It's a jigsaw puzzle, for sure. I'm physically male, sort -of demiguy internally.

My attractions definitely don't follow equal lines for the two conventional sexes. For me, and for simplicity, Bisexual works. It merely implies attraction to males and females, without specific details. I think to try and label based on amounts and kind of attraction, would be an impossible task. There's just too many combinations. I've been tempted to use Pansexual, on account of I could see myself attracted to at least some trans and androgynous, as well as intersex. But for the most part, Bi serves well enough.

If there are accurate terms for the infinite number of sexual variations, I certainly don't know them. I'm too far from being straight or gay to use a binary term, so I use Bi.
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Re: Confused!

Postby shock_the_monkey » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:24 pm

i'm going to be very simplistic here: your sexuality is defined by what you want to engage in. it isn't necessarily what may excite you. the latter is just too diverse and random. if anything, you have a fetish for women. i may be slightly misusing the term 'fetish' here, however, that's the best my vocabulary will stretch to.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Confused!

Postby Snaga » Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:12 pm

I used to occasionally frequent a now defunct bisexual men's forum (thus the word, 'used' and sometimes conversation would stray into this kind of thing. We had men who were more nearly gay, than anything else (not counting the few who had previously identified as gay then discovered they liked women too), and some men for whom it was 'all about cock'. Absolutely nothing else. In a sense, yes it could be argued they had a cock fetish.

To me it feels as if your attraction to girls runs stronger than that sense of the word, but i feel as of I know Shocky's meaning, too. Is it more the idea of same sex? While it's more accepted, LGBT isn't mainstream-it can't be so long as the vast majority of humans are mostly straight. In a sense it's still the sensation of taboo even in liberal Western democracies. For me the taboo has a strong attraction.
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Re: Confused!

Postby Amyleewolf14 » Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:33 pm

I don't think it is because it's a topic of conversation nowadays at all. I've always found the female form to be intensely beautiful. I think that stems more so from my artistic mindset in that I can find beauty in most things. But as I've grown older (I'll be 29 next week), I find myself more physically attracted to females than men (bone structure, curves, etc). There are of course still things I like about men, but I'm not as aroused from just looking at their bodies if that makes any sense?

I've also talked to my boyfriend and best friend (both bisexual men) about what I've described and they think my discomfort is more so just inexperience as I've never experimented with girls.

I don't know if I can really say that for sure or not, but it does not seem to be the case to me personally.
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Re: Confused!

Postby shock_the_monkey » Mon Jun 11, 2018 12:21 am

i have a gay friend who has, in the past, tried to be straight. that doesn't make him bi-sexual. It's what we feel comfortable doing that matters. if i'm entirely honest, i imagine most of us could be a lot more flexible about our sexuality if it weren't for the social stigmas associated with such behaviours. touch is undoubtedly pleasurable. i'm rather doubtful that there's a hard line between sexual and asexual stimulation. that's no doubt why we're so phobic about touching each other.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Confused!

Postby Snaga » Mon Jun 11, 2018 1:26 am

I think dudes aren't as prone to physical contact in a non sexual sense, than men were, historically

At least in the United State.

Sexual attraction and aesthetics are funny things. In 3D, in public, I'm much more apt to 'check out' the girls. The female form is superior and more pleasing. And my range of 'types' for females is pretty broad. Oh sure occasionally a guy will catch my eye, but not like the ladies. But if I'm getting my horndog on, i gravitate to nekkid men-for which my tastes are more narrow. As if i was more attracted to clothed females, naked men.

I was groomed a short while by a guy just when my teenage hormones were starting to kick in good, also i used to be a little verbally bullied by girls at that time, so i have to wonder if some of my issues stem from experience and insecurities. I'm very comfortable around girls, more so than guys- in the context of being like one of the girls. But as a male? I have to force it a little.

As far as no experience with girls, Amy, for what it's worth, I've long thought of same sex sexual activity, regardless of the sex involved, as more natural, and, for lack of a better word, pure, than opposite sexes. In that context, i think any worry on being with another girl sexually, is unfounded, based on your last post. Now having a relationship with another girl, might be another thing. But i think the sex part would feel very 'right'.
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