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Dealing with BF's erectile dysfunction

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Dealing with BF's erectile dysfunction

Postby Guest » Sat Mar 18, 2006 9:47 pm

I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy I really love for a year now. There are quite a few issues, it seems to have snowballed out of control, and I don't know how to address them.

He's an Aspie, and talking about personal issues, especially emotions, is almost impossible for him.

We have a nice connection sexually, but he's so in love with oral sex and the related smoking fetish that he pays little attention to my pleasure. He has problems maintaining an erection, most particularly when we try to have intercourse. In the past year, we've had successful intercourse ONCE. Im a very sexual person, and I love intercourse, so I'm beside myself about this.

He is also habituated to looking at women on the internet -- not the leggy blond fake-tit porn babes, but more average looking people and vintage photographs. He thinks that makes his interest art. He also thinks because he is drawn to looking at chubbier women, I should feel okay about that (I'm chubby too).

I only see him once a month, but we talk every night on the phone and are moving towards living together. These sex issues are a torture to me, and I imagine a source of shame or embarrassment for him. I'm very openminded sexually, and all I want is for us to grow and explore together, but I haven't been able to get him to consider medical evaluation. If he doesn't, nothing will change and I'll remain perpetually dissatisfied, which doesn't bode well for the relationship.


So my concerns are about addressing the ED, and the porn habituation, and whether they're related. Any insight would be welcome -- or links to good resources on this.
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Postby Guest » Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:47 am

I've heard that the quality of sex is a reflection of how well the relationship is functioning.

I'm not saying that he not being able to maintain an erection is a reflection of your relationship, but I am saying that his unwillingness to sort this ED problem out does not reflect well on his part of the relationship.

I understand as a man this can be a particularly shameful problem to have to talk about, but if he cares about you he should care about your sexual satisfaction. Lots of men have this problem, so I've heard.

I think it's totally ok for you to approach him, tell him that intercourse is important part of intimacy for you and that you want to talk to him about it and discuss getting treatment. Explain that you don't think any less of him as a man, but it is something that needs to be addressed and you will be 100% supportive to him getting help for this.

If he doesn't want to get help, and intercourse more than once a year is a desire of yours, I'd consider how much you want to stay with someone who isn't willing to swallow his pride and get help in order to please his partner.

I know I sound harsh, sorry about that. I'm not an expert or anything, these are just the thoughts at the top of my head. One other thing I am wondering is, ask him why he doesn't want to get help for this... there may be a chance that there is some trauma related to intercourse (maybe he was sexually molested as a child?).

Communication and honesty is important. I am certain if you allow things to go on status quo you will end up feeling a lot of resentment in the future and the relationship will be in more trouble, and you'll have to sort through all the complications involved in living together/moving out.
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Re: Dealing with BF's erectile dysfunction

Postby lawrence1960 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:34 pm

There are reasons for men having erectile dysfunction, and some of them are mental but some are simply medical. Such as Prostrate problems; at times many men have their prostrates enlarge. Symptoms are Impotence, difficulties urinating etc. Maybe he needs to see a doctor and have a simple check up. Try the physical checks with a doc. first and go from there. By the way, Viagra is prescribed by doctors for medical problems like you,r prostrates enlarged. If he,s healthy medically then there are other reasons such as emotional and psych iatrical. Don't go throwin some one away till you give it time and see why he has these problems. Assuming he,s willing to talk about it and go the distance.
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