Delayed Ejaculation A MUST READ!

Hi everyone,

I am a 23 year old male dealing with delayed ejaculation (DE). I have done lots of research and have come up with some theories that may help some of you dealing with ED similar to mine or in general. I would like to receive questions to help those experiencing delayed ejaculation with similar circumstances to mine and advice from those with success stories of overcoming DE. All feedback is welcomed! I apologize if the information is not relevant to your cause, but at least this might help you eliminate a possible cause to your ED and get you closer to overcoming ED.

A quick background on me. I am 23 years old and I have been dealing with DE since I've been sexually active, which was at the age of 15. Since I've been sexually active I've been with quite a few sex partners. I have experienced from one night stands to being in a committed relationship. I am able to ejaculate/orgasm within minutes of masturbating, but can't with vaginal intercourse, oral sex, or having my sex partner masturbate me. As we have all have read the same limited information over and over on the internet on regards to ED and its causes I don't have any negative thoughts on sex, I didn't have a strong religious background growing up, I was never caught masturbating or having sex, I don't have fears of getting my wife pregnant, no self esteem issues, and I have been medically cleared by my primary care physician.

Moving forward, I got married 10 months ago to an amazing girl who I find very sexually attractive and has a great sex drive. Up to getting married I had never told anyone about my DE. Like many man dealing with DE I began faking orgasms as realized that something was wrong. Before I met my wife I had never been able to ejaculate/orgasm with a partner in the room, even with solo masturbation. It took me a while to build up the courage to mention to my wife of my ED. Prior to telling my wife about my ED I made huge progress on my own. I was able to ejaculate/orgasm twice with her in the room. The first time I solo masturbated while foreplay until I reached orgasm. As those who have reached this checkpoint, of being able to ejaculate with a partner through self masturbation, it took a long time to ejaculate but it was well worth experiencing that great feeling with my love one. The second time happened when during foreplay I was performing oral sex on my wife and masturbating at the same time and I was able to hold my ejaculation even though I had reached the point of no returned and ejaculated inside her. This was major progress, as we all know half ED is not being able to ejaculate at all with the presence of a partner, for me and I knew that if I was going to overcome ED I was going to need the help of my wife I finally told my wife and she was very understanding. I recommend to everyone to be open and honest with your partner. Faking orgasms or having sex for hours is not going to get us anywhere.

**Analysis: I was able to ejaculate through masturbation with my wife in the room because I was comfortable with my wife and because able to mimic the though process that I use when masturbating by myself. In addition I was able to get passed the awkward feeling of masturbating in front of my wife. The thing is that we are capable of ejaculating through self masturbation, so why allow having your partner being there make a difference. Try to become selfish and focus on what you normally think during solo masturbation. You have the real thing right in front of you, so focus on that and if that doesn't work at first we all have the "spank bank," those images or fantasies that we think of when we solo masturbate. These tips may help you take a step closer to overcoming ED. Keep in mind that if you have a porn addiction or need porn to ejaculate this might not work. In this case I recommend to stop watching porn and condition yourself to masturbate with mental images only, especially those of your having sex with your partner. Remember that reconditioning takes time, don't give up on the first few fail attempts.

After my wife and I discussed my ED I was ready to do everything in my power to overcome this problem and start enjoying my sex life for the first time in my life. I didn't have much progress after that initial jump, but I was able to take baby steps. I soon was able to cut down the time it took me to ejaculate through masturbation with my wife and then when I reached the point of no returned I would penetrate her and ejaculate inside her. (Lets keep our lady's in mind here and use lube to avoid hurting them when penetrating them as they can become dry from waiting or just contract after having sex).

**Analysis: The more you practice masturbating with your partner the faster and easier it will get. Attempt to penetrate her or have her masturbate you or give you oral sex farther away from the point of no return. This will help you become accustom to the the different feeling than your own to reach climax.

Hypnotherapy
I still felt that I was not progressing fast enough or at all. I decided to do more research and I came across hypnotherapy as we all have. I decided to try the MP3 downloads online, which I had no success with. So then I decided to look for professional help. I then found a local hypnotherapist who had done sex therapy in the past. I went to about 6 sessions with no success.

I became frustrated because performance anxiety became a factor. I was losing my erections and at times I couldn't get one.I then began doing more research. As we all know every case of DE is different. I decided to try to pint point my actual cause of my DE. I've noticed that a lot of the information out there points to psychogenic causes. I agree that there is some ED cases with very deep psychological causes behind them. I actually believe that all ED problems have some type of psychological causes to them, but no necessary the main cause.

Self diagnosis: I then was able to self diagnose myself by method of elimination. I knew that the chances of my problem being psychological as primary were slim because I had no contributing factors such strict religious background, seeing sex as shameful act, etc. Also I concluded this because I had no success from hypnotherapy, which focuses on psychological issues in your subconscious that may be causing the problem. By no means am I saying that there is no psychological cause to my ED, because I believe that every ED cause has some time of psychological aspect of it, but it is important to understand if its a primary psychological problem or secondary. I was also able to eliminate any physical cause through a physical from my primary care physician. I also eliminated porn because I stopped watching porn when I got married and never really had a problem with it. This left me with one of the causes of ED that I personally believe its neglected MASTURBATION.

Masturbation background: I've been masturbating since I was 14 years old. I have never used lube or lotion when masturbating even though I am circumcised. I have used porn, more in my younger years, but never really watched crazy fetishes or hardcore porn. I was actually more aroused by amateur porn that portrayed real life encounters. I do believe I deal with chronic masturbation, even up to recently. By no means crazy amount of times a day, but at least once a day. By no means to I have any weird masturbation style, such using objects, etc, but I did noticed that I grip my penis a certain way, a bit tight, and I definitely stroke very fast.

**Analysis: I was able to determined masturbation as my primary cause by the method of elimination and by other factors listed. In addition there were was one test that I did that made it very clear. I highly recommend that everyone tries it. This might get you closer to understanding and overcoming your ED. Try to masturbate with the opposite hand that you normally masturbate with. Masturbate as if you would normally, which includes watching porn, using lube, and/or the grip and rhythm you normally use with your other hand. If conditioning to your own way of masturbation to ejaculate is the cause you will have difficulty ejaculating if you're even able to ejaculate at all. You can also try using the same hand, but using lube if you don't normally. When I learned about this test I tried it and I was unable to ejaculate at all with my other hand and it took me a very long time to ejaculate when using lube with my dominant hand. I stopped trying and masturbated the way I normally do and climaxed within seconds...

Now that I know what the primary cause of my ED is I can focus in overcoming it. This allows me to try methods focused on the cause and I don't have to spend a lot of money on other causes that don't work because the cause being treated is not the primary cause or time and effort.

My current treatment plan is to avoid solo masturbation all together. I know this hard, but trust me guys it is the best way to get closer to defeating ED. If you let your desire build up your instincts will take over no matter what the cause is and your body will release. Next I am implementing masturbation during foreplay with my wife doing it and using lube. I know I will not be able to ejaculate at first and this may lead to blue balls, but this will allow the build up that pushes any man to ejaculate as an instinct and it will allow me to recondition my penis to a different feeling to reach orgasm other than mine.

In conclusion there are many factors that can cause ED. At times there is more than one cause. It is important to understand the difference between the primary cause and secondary causes. Atypical masturbation is typically neglected as a cause in my personal opinion to ED. Try to pin point that primary cause. I know how hard it is to live with ED. Like any other disorder it is hard to deal with, especially with such little literature and research other. We must share information, which I mean new information, personal information, results, and progress other than the same information we have all read over and over. I wish you all luck and please feel free to ask me questions and I would love to here your advice and or feedback. Thank you!

Hi Platiplus,
I really enjoy your sincererity and the light you have made me see through your posting.
I am thirty and I had had two girl friends but never had sex with them before .
Now I have a real girl friend and I found it very had for me trying to discharge into the Vigirna. I Started mastubating since I was 14 and now I am sure my brain and penis are very useto the solo rythm of mastubation. The speed I use, the dryness of my palms and my right hand and when I get to the vigina I find every thing completely different since it is wet and softer.
I have done so much reseach online but read alot of thesame thing over and over.
I do not have a problem with porn but i think too much mastubation led me to this.
I found it difficult to maintain a lasting erection from the begining BUT I kept giving silly compaints trying to push the blame to my partner saying it is her weight etc.
Now I know my real problem but please keep me informed so that It can help me during my own fight.
I really need to reprogram the sexual section of my brain in order to overcome this horible trap
I am planing to get married very soon and I want to be able to solve this problem before it breaks my home.

Hi rrod, and many many thanks for posting your experiences. I feel like my situation is almost a mirror image of yours, unfortunatly I am now 51 and have still never ejaculated inside a woman, however I am encouraged by your remarks and feel I too need to go down the same route as yourself in order to try and overcome this nightmare once and forall.
I believe my problem to be down to my masturbation technique which I have always used which sounds very similar to yours. I have and still do use porn to masturbate probably too much and I intend as from today to not use it anymore until I can try and solve this problem. I have been able in the past to get to the, what I felt at the time, to be the momentous stage of being able to masturbate with my partner in the same room, but thats as far as I have got im afraid
I still feel nowhere near coming inside the vagina or indeed when she masturbates me, and having in the past visited the sexual therapist over a 3/4 month period am convinced that its purely down to my penis being desensified due to masturbation, so the vagina and indeed my partners hand feels very different and gets me nowhere near. I too have tried your idea by swopping to use my other hand when masturbating but again with no success at all.
I definatly believe the way forward is to stop masturbating all together for a period of time in the hope that this will allow my penis to become more sensitive and aroused when my partner touches it, and hopefully over time I can start to get the same result only this time with her doing it and not me. This is an obvious first step and much more will need to be done to reach eutopia but nevertheless it is a very very big step and one which Im going to do my utmost to achieve. Ive had 35 active sex years and still never experienced the real feeling and pleasure of sex with a partner, but ive buried my head in the sand for far too many years and now is the time to REALLY try and do something about it.
I really wish you well in your progress and please let me know of any progress, ideas etc which you feel are helping you. I too will glady share my successes and failures in the hope that we can both get to where we would so dearly love to be. At the very least I know feel that there is a forum where collectively we may find the help and advice which is all too sadly lacking elsewhere.
Kind Regards and Very Best Wishes
Rick

I am 33 years old, married, brought up very conservatively,having one or two friends. My world consists of books,studies,internet and tv. Immediately after knowing about sexuality, I was drawn to internet porn sites, masterbated a lot, sometimes twice daily. I got married 1 and a half years ago and since then faced a strange problem. During sex,I got excited with a strong erection, but it never reaches to the climax, although, during my masterbation season I used to ejaculate very quickly. I consulted with a sexologist who gave me some tests, like "Testosteron Level", Semen Analysis & Culture", "TSH","Sugar Fasting" etc. He gave me some medicine. I am under his treatrment for nearly 9 months, but with no luck. After some study from books and internet, I diagonised myself as a patient of "Delayed / Returded Ejaculation". My wife is extremely supportive but I cannot decide, whether I have to go for councelling of Artificial Insemination, because, both of us want a baby soon, as my sperm power is fading quickly with my age.

Hi rrod88
Thanks for an excellent article. Most of my adult life, I have not suffered from retarded ejaculation - only in the last 8 years. I have no problems with solo masturbation.
I have considered the following reasons for my condition:
a. Alcohol (but I have been a drinker for most of my adult life also)
b. Medication for high blood pressure (I have been taking these for roughly the same time as I have suffered RE)
c. Psychological. I don't think so!

I am generally in reasonable good health.

I can cut down my drinking but not my medication for BP. I have changed the BP tablets when I thought they were affecting my sexual performance.

The only other way is to consider abstinence from solo masturbation. But I am not in a relationship currently and therefore should/need I give up masturbation? That is my main question.
I do not think the problem will go away if I resume a sexual relationship with a significant other. It is a chronic condition that bothers me. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello. I am 44 years old i had ejaculation in vagina 10 years ago. But not every time! The partner didn't never made problems and i was good. Only she didn't like children and that was a trouble for me. I though the problem was her. I leaved in 2007 but successively i never more ejaculated in intercourse. Many times in 2009 never ejaculation. And now several time from june never ejaculation. Actually i take amantadine to high threshold of excitation.

It's late, but I want to read your fascinating story. From that part I was able to absorb it sounds like you are making progress. My first thought is to compare it to premature ejaculation which is a more common problem. I'd think delayed ejaculation would be somewhat desirable, but not to the point that you CAN'T reach a climax.

Hi, I want to post my story as well. I think alot of people overcome this and never say anything because this is embarrassing maybe. 10 years ago I searched the internet for this topic and mostly found nothing. In general when you search about like some disease and forums like these come up, and alot of posts are very depressing, like this is some unsolvable issue. So I had same issue here, and I was scared. But something deep inside told me it makes no sense.
First I'm gonna say, are mean this is this internet generation, porn is out there, and people watch it. We all got desensitized to real females in our young age. But we are still human men, we can all succeed at fixing this. Long story short, the way I fixed it, is I would masturbate before having sex with my girlfriend now wife. I mean not in front of her, but like 10 min before we did it in the bathroom secretly. What I mean masterbate, without ejaculating, but come close a few times let say. So after like 10-20 min of that. I would be very excited, and my mind was completely on one thing, that I need to finish. And sometime I would just lay down with my wife, and I would be ready to explode you know what I mean. And I would finish like within 1 min. And that continued for a while actually. Before I learning that I can do that, I could not finish with my GF/wife after we already went out for 2 years. I mean I can't believe she stayed with me all this time. And eventually I didn't need to do that. I learned how she make me excited without porn, touching her body, makes me much more excited that porn. But it took this technique, preparation 10 min before I was with her.
I mean could be that I was not dating when I was younger I never learned how to enjoy being with a woman. And all you guys, if you are in this situation, and you are like me, you can try what I mentioned. And don't get depressed, its fixable issue, you just need to learn how to be with women. I was just like you, and it resolved itself, and now we have children, and we have a normal life. Also I wanted to mentioned, my wife made me goto a doctor for this. And of course he was useless. I wish there would be more doctors that can talk about this and give ideas to men, because this is a disease of the 21st century. And its totally curable, just need to have patience.